2017年11月浙江省高考英语读后续写试题分析及范例点评

赵海萍 刘继华

2017年11月浙江省高考英语科目写作第二节依然是读后续写，要求考生阅读一篇短文，根据所给情节续写，使短文与续写部分合成一个完整的故事。自2016年10月实行新高考以来，三次英语考试写作第二节均为读后续写，之所以如此，其中一个原因可能是，相比于其他类型考题而言，读后续写对测试学生的实际写作水平具有较高的有效性。这一点，从本次考试的试题与答题情况也可看出。

一、题型分析

与上两次考试一样，本次读后续写题依然是结合了对考生输入（input）与输出（output）两种语言能力的考查（关于这两者能力的考查和读后续写文体特征等，请参见笔者发表于本刊2017年第3期的《浙江省高考英语读后续写试题分析及范例点评》一文）。但是，虽然同属记叙文，本次考试所给短文的故事线索与逻辑复杂程度明显高于上两次，主要表现为次要信息较多，对考生把握情节主线有较强的干扰（具体见本文“试题要点分析”和“答题建议”）。从这一点来看，本次考试对考生的输入考查要求远高于上两次。另外，从所给段落开头语来看，第二段的开放性很强，考生可以有多种情节接续的可能，甚至可以有体裁的转换。结合这两点，可以说，本次读后续写交际任务是否能很好地完成，基本上取决于对所给短文阅读理解任务完成的情况。这给我们的启示是，读后续写教学要见成效，阅读教学上所花的功夫绝对不能少。

二、题目要求

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

A Vacation with My Mother

I had an interesting childhood. It was filled with surprises and amusements， all because of my mother—loving， sweet， and yet absent-minded and forgetful. One strange family trip we took when I was eleven tells a lot about her.

My two sets of grandparents lived in Colorado and North Dakota， and my parents decided to spend a few weeks driving to those states and seeing all the sights along the way. As the first day of our trip approached， David， my eight-year-old brother， and I unwillingly said good-bye to all of our friends. Who knew if wed ever see them again？ Finally， the moment of our departure arrived， and we loaded suitcases， books， games， camping equipment， and a tent into the car and bravely drove off. We bravely drove off again two hours later after wed returned home to get the purse and travelers checks Mom had forgotten.

David and I were always a little nervous when using gas station bathrooms if Mom was driving while Dad slept： “You stand outside the door and play lookout （放哨） while I go， and Ill stand outside the door and play lookout while you go.” I had terrible pictures in my mind： “Honey， where are the kids？” “What？！ Oh， Gosh… I thought they were being awfully quiet.” We were never actually left behind in a strange city， but we werent about to take any chances.

On the fourth or fifth night， we had trouble finding a hotel with a vacancy. After driving in vain for some time， Mom suddenly got a great idea： Why didnt we find a house with a likely-looking backyard and ask if we could set up tent there？ David and I became nervous. To our great relief， Dad turned down the idea. Mom never could understand our objections （反對）. If a strange family showed up on her front doorsteps， Mom would have been delighted. She thinks everyone in the world is as nice as she is. We finally found a vacancy in the next town.

注意：

1.所續写短文的词数应为150左右；

2.至少使用5个短文中标有下划线的关键词语；

3.续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好；

4.续写完成后，请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语。

三、试题要点分析

四、答题建议

[文体 以记叙文体为主。尤其是续写的第一段，因所给短文第四段母亲的野营提议没有通过，续写第一段又提出帐篷，应围绕帐篷接续故事，避免轻易议论。但是，本次考试与上两次考试有一明显区别，就是续写第二段所给开头语既可视作总起性语言，也可视作总结性语言，如果视作总结性语言，则故事已经结束，考生接下去甚至可用整段抒发感情或发表议论，如此，则续写部分的文体可以是记叙文和说明文（议论文）各占一半。这样的做法，在前两次考试中显得不够合理，但在这一次考试中是非常自然的。这一点也提醒我们，写作的教学不能盲目教条，一切应该视具体情况灵活处理。 结构 分两段，共150词左右，两段词数最好能基本平衡，一般应避免一段过多一段过少的情况。 内容 结合续写部分所给段落开头语来看，真正的故事发展从第四段开始，前三段只不过都是为了说明母亲的健忘。续写的部分，应着重讲述围绕母亲健忘所发生的趣事。同时，由于原文多次提到母亲“loving”“sweet”“nice”的性格特征，在续写中最好能将这些性格与健忘结合起来。另外，如前所述，续写的第二段开放性较大，考生可叙事，可说明，可议论，甚至还可以写一点本次旅程以外的内容，对于考查学生的输出能力是很有利的。本篇故事有一定的思想性，考生在续写部分如将故事做恰当的提炼和升华，应该得到鼓励。需要特别指出的是，所给短文（含标题）中提到了“vacation”“an interesting childhood”“surprises and amusements”“strange”等，这些内容一方面给续写提供了一些可用的线索，但另一方面却容易干扰考生对故事主线的把握，考生在阅读所给短文和续写的过程中可以不加特别关注。同理，原文中一些描述和说明，如“... unwillingly said good-bye to all of our friends. Who knew if wed ever see them again？”“You stand outside the door and play lookout while I go， and Ill stand outside the door and play lookout while you go.”“I had terrible pictures in my mind： ‘Honey， where are the kids？ ‘What？！ Oh， Gosh ... I thought they were being awfully quiet.”等，对部分考生的理解可能具有较大难度，但其实这些语句除了说明母亲的健忘外，对故事主线的发展并没有制约与贡献，考生在续写时也可不加特别关注。 语言 时态上，所给短文叙述发生在过去的一件事情，采用过去时。续写时，记叙文体部分沿用过去时，抒情或议论部分则要视情况区别对待：如是针对当时（过去）情况，则用过去时；如是针对普遍情况，则用现在时。短文语言总体较为平实，没有过于特别的句式，也没有大词生僻词，但描写生动，还有一些幽默的表达法（如“My two sets of grandparents”“We bravely drove off again ... ”以及加油站里的对话等）。续写时最好能延续这种风格。当然，所给短文的幽默不太容易察知和模拟，但平实的风格应该在续写中得到体现，在此基础上，用词和句式可以有变化，描写可以尽量生动，但不应盲目追求所谓的“高大上”，应以意义的恰当传达为准则，使用干净、明白、有表现力的语言。描写中可恰当使用一些对话，但须注意不应过多，尤其是不应有过多过于简单的对话，否则无法在有限的空间里展示语言运用能力。记叙文体部分应注重细节，多使用描绘性、描述性的语言，不要过多使用说明性的语言。抒情或议论部分可恰当使用说明性、总结性的语言。要恰当使用语句连接成分，但需要注意的是，能够完成语句连接任务的并不只有连接词和连接性副词及词组，还包括其他许多手段，如代词（代名词、代动词）、某些修辞手法（如重复、平行结构等），甚至句式变换等。续写语句的文气应与开头语相接，所续写语句相互之间的文气也应相接，使文章自然流畅，符合语言逻辑。本次考试所给短文由于人物与事件关系相对比较简单，两句开头语对接续语句主位的要求并不十分严格，考生在这一方面基本都能很好地完成任务。 形式 应紧接每段开头语续写，使开头语与续写部分形成一个完整的段落。如果是在开头语行下方开始续写，实际上就是另外一段了，不符合试题“续写部分分为两段”的说明（亦即要求）。书写应规范工整。不要忘记给所用的关键词语画上底线。10个关键词语不必全部用到，但至少要用到5个。 ]

五、习作点评

[学生习作1]

The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us. Thinking of this tent， Mom suggested that we go camping in the next village in excitement， with eyes glittering. Considering her enthusiasm， we all agreed. When the door of our car opened， Mom stormed out instantly and urged us to put up the tent. David and I were asked to pick up some branches to build a fire. And when we came back， Dad and Mom had already lain on the grass comfortably in front of the tent， talking merrily with a local boy at our age， who always cast a glimpse at this tent curiously. Soon we learnt that the boy in rags even didnt have a home to live. Of course， Mom “forgot” to take this tent with us again.

We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way. And we also had a nice time living with my grandparents during that vacation. But what impressed me most was that tent， which was forgotten deliberately by Mom. Though she did love going camping， she presented that poor boy with this tent out of sympathy. It was Mom that made my childhood colorful. And it was also she that showed me the true meaning of giving.

点评1

这篇习作描写细致，文气较为通畅，语言面貌总体相当不错，较好地完成了交际任务。习作故事情节设计合理，与短文融洽度高，人物行为描写细腻（如爸爸妈妈躺在草地上的情景），同时穿插心理描绘（如男孩不停看帐篷的眼神），动静结合，第二段的说明解释与故事结合紧密，非常合理。习作语言富于变化，如语言结构上复杂句与简单句、长句与短句错杂使用，尤其是两段结尾的短句，使文章显得有力。文章将“forgot”一词放在引号中，说明妈妈此次的健忘乃是出于其“loving”与“sweet”的美好品格，使续写的故事出乎意料之外，又在情理之中，而且提升了故事的主题思想，还给续写第二段的情感抒发做了铺垫。此外，习作有较好的修辞意识，尤其是结尾两句用了平行结构，用两个分裂句强调了母亲的优良品质，很好地使文章思想得到了升华，是习作的闪光之处。习作在描写过程中恰当地使用了一些具有较强表现力的细节描述性语言，如“Mom stormed out”“talking merrily”“always cast a glimpse at this tent curiously”等，使故事非常生动。当然，习作中存在的问题也是明显的。首先，习作在语法知识应用上尚显幼稚，如“eyes”前缺失限定词“her”，“didnt have a home to live”后缺失介词“in”等。其次，词汇方面，习作对一些词的词义把握不清，如不清楚“glimpse”与“glance”，“living”与“staying”，“grass”与“lawn”的区别；一些词的词性与用法掌握不精，如用“had already lain”来表达“躺在；已经躺下”的概念（应为“had already lain down”或“were already lying”）；等等。但总体而言，这些问题对意义传达影响不大。当然，如能将这些问题修正，同时调整一些语句（如将“always cast a glimpse”改为“kept glancing”等），则将更加完善。本篇习作词汇与语法结构较为丰富，语句间连接成分有效，标点准确。习作产出188词（不含开头语），应用了5个关键词语，写出了较多内容。根据本次考试考生的总体情况，本篇习作建议判为第五档。

[学生习作2]

The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us. The reason was that we couldnt find a hotel， meaning that our tent had to be used and Moms dream came true. Unexpectedly， David noticed that Mon disappeared after dinner. Eventually， it was Dad that found Mom. This absent-minded and forgetful woman explained that she just wanted to seek some charming flowers but got lost finally. However， thanks to Mom， we found a new way with more beautiful views where she got lost.

We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way. All of a sudden， as driving， Mom asked， “Where is our camping equipment？” In the end， we had to accept the fact that we ought to return to find it left by Mom. In that time， I thought this trip was in a mess because of Mom. But its obvious for me today that our trip should have been boring without this loving and sweet lady. There is no person even a wise lady that can match her， my loving， sweet， yet absent-minded and forgetful mom.

点评2

这篇习作产出159词（不含开头语），应用了8个关键词语，与短文融洽度较高，尽管续写部分与段落开头语的衔接不能称之为紧密，但总体而言仍然是合理的。故事情节上，本篇习作与上篇一样，有出乎意料却合乎情理的设计，将目光放在母亲的粗心所带来的好结果上，做了翻案文章，既与所给短文紧密衔接，也使第二段的情感抒发显得自然。语言上，习作意义传达基本清楚，对语法结构和词汇的丰富性、准确性有较好的注意，文气总体较为流畅。应该说，这篇习作还是比较顺利地完成了交际任务。尤其值得指出的是，习作不但注意到了词汇的丰富性，而且能够针对不同的意义与情感表达需要来变换词汇（如说母亲“absent-minded and forgetful”时用的是“woman”，说她“loving and sweet”时用了“lady”，最后把这两类品质结合，用了“mom”），这在考生习作中是不多见的。另外值得称赞的是，本篇习作注意了使用不同语法形式来表达意义（如“its obvious for me today”中现在时的使用和“our trip should have been boring”中情态助动词与完成体的结合等）。当然，与上一篇习作相比，本篇问题稍稍突出一些，主要表现在以下几个方面：一是对词句意义与语篇意义的联系注意不够，如第一段的“The reason was ...”和“meaning ...”、第二段的“All of a sudden， as driving”等，让读者感觉不好理解；二是对语法结构的意义把握不准，导致意义发生偏差，如“it was Dad that found Mom”（或许是不恰当追求“高大上”的结果）；三是低级语法错误导致意义不清，如“There is no person even a wise lady that can match her”；四是有少許不应该出现的拼写方面的错误，如“Mon”。但是，总体而言，习作中所出现的问题对意义传达的影响并不突出，长短相较，应该说本篇习作在本次浙江省高考英语中属于较好的一篇，可考虑判为第四档。

[学生习作3]

The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us. It seemed that we wouldnt get any chance to use it. Just when we felt tough to deal with it， a bagger came into our sight. Mom soon came up with an idea that we should give it to him. But the tent was really new and it costed us a lot. Despite Dad， David and Is objection， Mom determined her mind and gave it to the bagger， which means we couldnt do camping anymore.

We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way. The trip was wonderful and we really had a nice time in my grandparents house. Time flow so swiftly that we couldnt notice it. After we finished our trip and came back to our sweet house， Mom suddenly found something while checking the baggage. She whispered： “Where was the tent？” Thats my Mom， a really nice person but also a forgetful and absent-minded woman.

點评3

这篇习作延续所给短文情节，围绕帐篷和母亲的健忘续写，与所给短文融洽度高，与所提供的开头语衔接非常紧密，故事设计符合逻辑，虽然总体上以说明性语言为主，但也有一定的描述性语言，而且有的还相当生动，如“She whispered： ‘Where was the tent？”一句，使读者有如闻其声之感。但在语言运用上，本篇习作问题较多。语法方面，有时态错误（如“which means”“Where was the tent？”）、动词屈折变化错误（如“it costed”“Time flow”）、限定词错误（如“Dad， David and Is objection”“an idea that ...”）、介词错误（如“in my grandparents house”）、代词错误（如“felt”与“tough”之间缺失“it”）等。词汇方面，有些词由于意义理解不准确而误用，如将“our sweet house”与“our sweet home”混淆；有的则是对词汇的搭配和惯用法掌握不到位，如“determined her mind”；有的则可能是受汉语思维的影响，“直译”为英语后意义不清，如“found something”（应为“found something missing”）；有的则是简单的拼写错误，如“bagger”。有意思的是，本篇习作虽然有不少问题，但考生并没有对语言做刻意的变化追求，总体上而言相当自然，文气较为通畅，以上这些错误对意义的传达并不产生大的影响，不至于过分损及交际任务的完成。本篇习作共产出139词（不含开头语），应用了8个关键词语，语句结构与词汇富于变化，连接手段有效，较好地满足了任务的要求，是一篇合格的作文，建议判第三档的高分。

[学生习作4]

The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us. Until then， it hadnt shown any advantages yet. David and I felt deeply upset about the travel. It didnt seem like camping or travelling but worrying about Mom all the time. The decisions she made and the actions she did must be taken good care of. However， Mom was lighted and was ready to continue the trip. She didnt say any words about the tent， even though Dad had mentioned it many times. Without any hesitation， we continued the trip. She drove happily， while David and I sat quietly behind.

We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way. It had been several times that my brother screamed out “What a fantastic scenery！” The trip became more interesting. I began to talk with Mom and Dad. I felt warmth through Moms excited voice. We smiled and laughed along the way. With the wonderful sights beside us， we all enjoyed the trip. That day， I realized that my mom was actually the nicest person in the world. It was her that brought light to our lives.

点评4

这篇习作内容上与所给短文关系密切，与所提供各段落开头语也有很好的衔接，写出了较多内容，文气基本连贯，但语言上存在较多错误。语言上的问题，最为突出的是多数语句系由中文“直译”而来却又并不明白所用词语的真正含义，如续写部分的第一句“Until then， it hadnt shown any advantages yet”，须由英文硬译回汉语才能明白考生所想表达的意思（“直到那时，帐篷都还没有派过用场”——意思表达不清的主要原因应该是“until”一词的意义与用法没有掌握）。其他如“It didnt seem like camping or travelling but worrying about Mom all the time”“The decisions she made and the actions she did must be taken good care of”“I felt warmth through Moms excited voice”都存在同样的问题。除此以外，习作某些词语（如“Without any hesitation”）的使用有“生拉硬拽”之嫌，导致语言逻辑不当。当然，其他习作中所存在的普通语言问题，也存在于本篇习作中，如词汇误用（如“lighted”应为“delighted”之误）、语法错误（如“What a fantastic scenery”）等，但总体而言，这一类问题较少。本篇习作产出166词（不含开头语），应用了5个短文中标出的关键词语，全文内容基本连贯，故事设计虽然没有出彩之处，也没有思想上的升华，但也合情合理，语言上，意义传达虽然受到一点影响，但基本完成了交际任务，可考虑判第三档中段。

[学生习作5]

The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us. David like the tent very much. He like sleeping in the tent. We can sleep in the tent. And we can not found the place to sleep. But mom still said it is a trouble. she always wanted to find a vacancy to sleep. But I thinked. the tent is great. I could see stars and the moon when I sleep in the tent. And I can look around the nation.

We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way. I like the trip very much. I could see a funny mom and a funny dad They always didnt agree another. And I also saw many beatiful views. I like this views. Than we visited our grand Parents. They were healthy. And they can play games with us. We lived at grand parents house some days. Then we baced our home. I lived the vacation with my mother.

點评5

这篇习作与所给短文融洽度较高，与所提供各段落开头语也有很好的衔接，写出了较多内容，文气基本连贯。情节内容方面，习作思想较为简单，平铺直叙，有点“流水账”的感觉，但除了如“They always didnt agree another”这样个别有点感觉突兀的地方外，总体上应该说还是合理的。语言上，本篇习作问题较多。首先，语句面貌显得简陋，除了两三个句子外，所有语句都是简单句。其次，语法错误较多，如时、体、态方面的错误（“like”“can”“can not found”“is”等），词的屈折变化形式错误（“thinked”），介词错误（“she always wanted to find a vacancy to sleep”）等。再次，词汇错误比较突出，如大小写错误（“mom”“grand Parents”“she always wanted”）、拼写错误（“Than”“baced”“grand Parents”）、词义错误（“lived”“vacancy”）、记忆错误（“nation”应为“nature”之误）、用法错误（“agree another”）等。此外还有标点错误（如“I could see a funny mom and a funny dad”后缺句号）。这些问题中有不少（如“look around the nation”“we baced our home”）导致了意义的传达受到较为严重的影响。本篇习作共产出139词（不含开头语），使用了5个短文中标出的关键词语，内容逻辑合理，语言上多数情况下意义传达基本顺利，但问题较多，可考虑判为第二档。

[学生习作6]

The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us.

I and David were very shocked. I and David got to the tent fast， we only can cried and save help， At that time， my mom go back， she help we go out in the trouble.

We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way.

Though a few days， wee get the Colorado and North Dakota， we was very exsicing.

At night， I and David had a dinner with my two sets of grandparents and go back with mom. I mind that， nobody as nice as my mom

点评6

应该说，这篇习作与所给短文关系较为密切，与所提供各段落开头语也有较好的衔接，情节内容大体上符合所给短文的限定情景，基本合理。但习作总体面貌简陋，考生共产出79词（不含开头语），第一段5句，第二段4句，而且语句过于简单，语法与词汇错误很多，比较明显的语法错误有时态错误、代词名词词序错误、主谓一致错误、标点错误、大小写错误等，词汇方面，比较明显的错误有搭配错误、拼写错误等，这些错误有的严重影响了意义的传达（如“we only can cried and save help”“she help we go out in the trouble”“I mind that”），使读者很难明白考生所想表达的意思。另外，本篇习作续写部分由于没有紧接开头语写作，最后形成的实际上不是两段，而是五段，不符合试题要求。总体来看，本篇习作虽然与所提供短文和开头语有较好的衔接，关键词语的使用（5个，其中画线4个）也基本符合要求，语句间也有一定的连接成分，但产出内容太少，语法结构和词汇项目都很有限，语言面貌不佳，全文内容也不够连贯，交际任务完成情况差，建议判为第一档。

六、结语

总体来看，与前两次浙江省新高考相比，2017年11月高考英语读后续写考生答题情况有较大的进步，主要表现在续写内容与所给短文融洽度和与所提供各段落开头语衔接的合理程度均有较大提高，情节的设计更为合理，内容的连贯性有所加强，关键词语的使用更为自然完善。尤其值得指出的一点是，虽然本次读后续写所给短文的开放性较大、枝节信息较多、对考生的情节设计干扰较强，但考生基本上都能恰当地抓住短文的主要内容并在续写中加以扩展与表述。这一点，在本次考试中的展现明显好于以往两次。语言上，语法结构和词汇的丰富性和准确性均有较大提高，语言错误和盲目追求所谓“高大上”的情况呈现缓慢減少的趋势，细节描绘和语言生动性得到了足够的重视。这些都体现了浙江省一年半来高中英语写作教学的进步，也说明新高考对中学英语教学的正向反拨取得了效果。今后如能更多加强输入的训练，在原文理解和逻辑组织上多下功夫，注意语言意义建构的合理性，加强语篇意识，相信浙江省高中英语写作教学一定能取得更加显著的成效。