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高考英语书信写作的“5C”原则例析
——以2017年11月浙江省新高考应用文写作为例

2018-06-06姜建军杭州师范大学附属中学

作文新天地 2018年13期
关键词:连贯行文信件

◎姜建军 杭州师范大学附属中学

自2016年10月浙江省启动新的高考模式以来,英语学科试题中写作部分的第一节应用文连续三次都是考查书信写作:2016年10月首考考查了询问信的写作;2017年6月和2017年11月均考查了邀请信的写作。

一、题型特征解读

书信是传递信息、交流情感最常用的方式之一,什么样的英文书信既能让收信人准确地理解写信人的意图,又能得体地传达情感呢?一般来说,需要遵循“5C”原则,即Completeness,Clarity,Conciseness,Coherence和Courtesy。

第一,格式要完整(Completeness),书信的格式要完整,即包含称呼语(salutation)、正文(body)、结束语(complimentary close)、签名(signature);作者必须把想要反映的客观情况充分地、完整地赋之于文本。第二,表述要清楚(Clarity),书信的内容一定要写得清楚、准确,其文本意义往往有严格的语境限制,比如确定的时间、地点,确定的对象、范围,确定的行文目的,确定的上下文关系等,使读者的理解能严格按作者铺设的意义轨道运行,让人读后能明确理解写信人的目的或意图。第三,语言要简洁(Conciseness),力求主旨鲜明、词决意畅,切忌委婉含蓄、词微旨远等。在人们的工作、生活中,大家都很容易接受简洁、通顺的语言,所以写书信时应该避繁就简,用简短的段落、简短的句子来构成一篇简短易懂的书信。第四,行文要连贯(Coherence),毫无疑问,一篇字面意思连贯且语义连贯的书信才能让收信人读起来爽心悦目,才能更好地达到交际目的,所以,书信的内容除了语法、句法正确外,还要合理组织文章结构,使其内容统一,真正保持书信意义上的连贯。第五,语气要礼貌(Courtesy),书信应写得得体、有礼貌,同时要朴实,不要使人感到做作、虚伪。

二、高考真题分析

假定你是李华,得知外教Mr.Hall寒假不回国,想邀请他到你家过春节。请给他写一封信,内容包括:

1.时间;

2.一同过节的家人;

3.活动。

注意:

1.词数80左右;

2.可以适当增加细节,以使行文连贯。

(一)答题要点提示

(二)写作具体要求

1.内容要点

(1)邀请Mr.Hall过春节;

(2)时间;

(3)一同过节的家人;

(4)活动。

2.应用词汇和语法结构的情况

(1)使用与主题相关的词汇;

(2)能够使用恰当的语法结构。

3.上下文的连贯性

按照内容要点展开写作,使用恰当的连接词或表达法使文章内容连贯。

(三)参考范文展示

Dear Mr.Hall,

I’m writing to invite you to come to my home to celebrate the Spring Festival on January 19.It’s traditionally a time for family reunion,so my parents and my brother will all be there.We’ll make dumplings together and have a big dinner.We’ll also play card games and watch the Spring Festival Gala on TV.You may even get a gift from my parents.If you’re able to come,I’ll go and pick you up at your place.

Best,

Li Hua

三、学生作品点评

学生习作1

Dear Mr.Hall,

Hearing your schedule to stay in China in the coming winter vacation,I’m writing to extend my sincere invitation to you to spend the Spring Festival with my family.

Our family gathering,to be held on the night of February 18th,means cosy reunion for us,including my grandparents,uncles and aunts with their kids.We’ll have a big feast together,chatting casually.As for activities,setting off fireworks and going to the temple fair never fail to bring laughter.And I suppose the splendid Spring Festival Gala will also be your cup of tea.

Never deprive yourself of such simple pleasures!Looking forward to your early reply.

Yours genuinely,

Li Hua

点评1

这篇习作结构完整、表达连贯。邀请信的各个部分之间围绕邀请老师来家里过春节这一话题形成了一个语义网络,与当时的情景语境融为一体,完全达到了预期的交际目的,体现了信件的完整性原则(Completeness)。正文引入自然,用现在分词结构“Hearing your schedule to stay in China in the coming winter vacation”作为开头,自然引出信件的目的和写信人的意图 :“I’m writing to extend my sincere invitation to you to spend the Spring Festival with my family.”合理采用连接词和语义连贯手段,“As for activities...”和“And I suppose the splendid Spring Festival Gala will also be your cup of tea”实现了前后句子的衔接,从而保证了上下文的连贯与流畅,体现了书信写作的连贯性原则(Coherence)。

此外,该信件内容要点简洁而清楚。作者紧紧抓住题目所列出的要点“时间,家人和春节活动”,进行次要点的合理拓展。如家人“including my grandparents,uncles and aunts with their kids”;活动包括“big feast,fireworks,the temple fair,the Spring Festival Gala”等,详略得当,层次分明。作者使用非谓语动词短语达到表达简练的目的,如“Our family gathering,to be held on the night of February 18th,means cosy reunion for us...”句中用动词不定式短语“to be held on the night of February 18th”做定语修饰“Our family gathering”,句意表达完整清晰,简明扼要,达到了书信写作所要求的简洁(Conciseness)和清楚(Clarity)的原则。

作者在信中用到形容词“cosy”来形容家庭聚会,用“splendid”来描述春节联欢晚会“Spring Festival Gala”盛况,用双重否定表示肯定的意义,增强“肯定能带来欢声笑语”的语气,如“setting off fireworks and going to the temple fair never fail to bring laughter”“Never deprive yourself of such simple pleasures”等,更显写信人的一片邀约真情,遵守了书信写作的礼貌(Courtesy)原则。

总之,这篇习作格式正确,覆盖了所有内容要点,结构完整,条理清晰,行文连贯,语言优美,诚恳礼貌,亲切自然,词汇丰富,作者表现出了很强的语言运用能力,是一篇不可多得的优秀作品,可以进入得分的第五档。

学生习作2

Dear Mr.Hall,

As the New Year’s Eve is around the corner,I heartly invite you to celebrate it with my family.According to the Chinese lunar calendar,the festival will be on 8th Feburary.On that very day,my whole family,including my aunts,uncles,cousins,will come to gather together to enjoy a carefully prepared feast.Additionally,it’s a Chinese tradition to make dumplings on that evening.Those hand-made dumplings carry the sincere wishes for a better new year.

I would be more than glad if you could join us.You will definitely have a great time and have a taste of the Chinese culture there.

Sincerely,

Li Hua

点评2

这篇习作较为完整和连贯。邀请信的各个部分之间围绕邀请老师来家里过春节这一话题形成了一个语义网络,与当时的情景语境融为一体,达到了预期的交际目的。正文引入自然,作者用句子“As the New Year’s Eve is around the corner”作为开头,自然引出信件的目的和写信人的意图:“I heartily invite you to celebrate it with my family.”作者在信件的结尾“I would be more than glad if you could join us”表达希望收信人接受邀请,与信件的开头形成呼应。为了让行文流畅连贯,作者不但用到了衔接性词语“According to the Chinese lunar calendar”和“Additionally”,还用到了表示指称的指 示 词 that:“On that very day,my whole family,including my aunts,uncles,cousins,will come to gather together to enjoy a carefully prepared feast.”这句中的that用来回指前文的具体日期,实现了前后句子照应,从而保证了上下文的连贯与流畅(Coherence)。

这篇习作遵循行文简洁(Conciseness)和清楚(Clarity)的原则,开门见山说明自己写信的意图:“I heartily invite you to celebrate it with my family.”之后,写信人紧紧围绕邀请信的主要内容,比如春节的时间(on 8th February),一起过节的家人(my whole family,including my aunts,uncles,cousins),活动(enjoy a carefully prepared feast,make dumplings)等来展开,简明扼要,信中没有出现无关的内容和信息,让收信人对邀请信的意图和活动的内容一目了然,从而能欣然接受对方的邀请。

写信人在语言上尽量做到礼貌真诚,在邀请信的结尾处用到了虚拟语气,使句子更加婉转,以示写信人的礼貌(Courtesy),“I would be more than glad if you could join us.”最后一句用到副词“definitely”来表示如果受邀请的老师来家里过春节一定不会失望,言辞恳切,真挚的情感溢于言表。

遗憾的是信件中出现了部分单词拼写和表达错误:“heartly”应为“heartily”;“Feburary”应为“February”;月日的表达法“on 8th Feburary”不太妥当,最好是“the festival will be on February 8th”或者“the festival will be on the 8th of February”。根据综合分析,这篇习作可以进入得分的第四档。

学生习作3

Dear Mr.Hall,

Exhilarated by the news that you won’t go back to your country this winter vacation,I’m writing this letter which conveys my deepest wish for you to spare some time at my home to celebrate the spring festival.

Firstly,I’d like to inform you it’s dated in the middle of January.Additionally,my parents as well as my grandparents will be at home.Moreover,we have scheduled several activities including dancing to the music.

I can’t wait to get your reply.

Yours,

Li Hua

点评3

这篇习作信件格式结构完整,有称呼和正文,有结尾和签名。作者也能在选词造句上考虑到礼貌(Courtesy)而真诚地邀请外教到自己家过春节,如“I’d like to inform...”“I can’t wait to get your reply”等等。覆盖了试题所要求的主要内容要点:时间、家人、活动。但是作为应用文文体的书信,作者未能做到简洁(Conciseness),比如第一段就是一个句子,其中包含一个过去分词短语“Exhilarated by...”、一个同位语从句“the news that you won’t go back to your country this winter vacation”和一个定语从句“which conveys my deepest wish...”显得冗长而拖沓。可以简化成“Exhilarated to hear that you won’t go back to your country this winter vacation,I’m writing to invite you to celebrate the spring festival at my home.”作者未能清楚地交代到底安排了哪些活动,“...we have scheduled several activities including dancing to the music”,此处的活动介绍应该更具体一些,况且随音乐跳舞也不是中国人过春节常举行的活动,能成功邀请外教参加的活动应是能体现民族特色的活动。行文有些刻意追求上下文衔接,过多而又不恰当地使用衔接词,如“Firstly,Additionally,Moreover”,由于前后逻辑并非是并列关系,此处弄巧成拙,文内连贯(Coherence)未能实现。此处建议修改为:“It’s dated on January 5th.On that very day my parents as well as my grandparents will be at home.To celebrate the family reunion,we have scheduled several activities...”

总之,这篇习作整体而言,基本达到了预期的写作目的,虽漏掉了一些内容,但覆盖了所有主要内容。所使用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的要求,虽有些错误,但不影响理解。这篇习作可以进入得分的第三档。

学生习作4

Dear Mr.Hall,

I am writing to invite you to celebrate Spring Festival with my family on account of you will stay during this winter vacation.

It’s widely acknowledged that Spring Festival is the most essential part in Chinese daily lives.No matter how busy the business is,we are supposed to crack this hard nut to visit our relatives.With the purpose of enjoying Chinese cultural better,you can celebrate Spring Festival together.

Never hesitate to turn to us,we will pleased for your arrival.

Yours,

Li Hua

点评4

这篇习作结构是完整的,有称呼和正文,有结尾和签名。开门见山,“I am writing to invite you to celebrate Spring Festival with my family...”表明了写信的目的和意图。但写信人想要表达的内容却没能充分地赋予文本,正文也就是邀请信的最重要部分未能传达清楚,第一句话“It’s widely acknowledged that Spring Festival is the most essential part in Chinese daily lives”是议论文文体的语言。信中接下来阐述我们应该去看望亲戚:“No matter how busy the business is,we are supposed to crack this hard nut to visit our relatives.”再写一起过春季的重要性是为了更好地欣赏中国的文化,只字未提邀请外教来过春节的具体安排:时间、过节的家人、有哪些活动。所以文章信息未能清楚地传达给收信人,更谈不上有礼貌地邀请对方了。行文缺乏一定的连贯性(Coherence),第二段中的代词指代不一致,前一句的主语是“we”,后一句的主语却是“you”,其中未见任何过渡和衔接。还有些语法错误:比如把介词短语“on account of”作为连词引导从句“you will stay during this winter vacation”;信中的最后两句“Never hesitate to turn to us,we will pleased for your arrival”缺乏连接词,且被动语态的使用有误。

总之,这篇习作未描述清楚一些主要内容(缺少Clarity),写了一些无关内容,有些语法结构的错误,内容也缺乏连贯性,未能很好地完成邀请外教来自己家过春节这一试题规定的任务。综合来看,只能进入得分的第二档。

浙江省高考英语应用文写作连续三次都是考查书信,所以各种类型的英语书信无疑是备考的重中之重。学生需要发展篇章意识、培养英语思维能力,学会运用“5C”原则,用完整(Completeness)、清楚(Clarity)、简洁(Conciseness)、连贯(Coherence)和礼貌(Courtesy)的语言写出达成试题规定任务的书信。

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