孤独的益处

我并不比湖中高聲大笑的潜水鸟更孤独，我并不比瓦尔登湖更寂寞；我倒要问问这孤独的湖有谁作伴？……我并不比一朵毛蕊花或牧场上的一朵蒲公英寂寞；我不比一张豆叶，一枝醉酱草，或一只马蝇，或一只大黄蜂更孤独。我不比密尔溪，或一只风信鸡，或北极星，或南风更寂寞；我不比四月的雨或正月的融雪，或新屋中的第一只蜘蛛更孤独。

—梭罗《瓦尔登湖》

In the 80s， the Italian journalist and author Tiziano Terzani， after many years of reporting across Asia， holed himself up in a cabin in Ibaraki Prefecture， Japan. “For a month I had no one to talk to except my dog Baoli，” he wrote in his travelogue A Fortune Teller Told Me. Terzani passed the time with books， observing nature， “listening to the winds in the trees， watching butterflies， enjoying silence.” For the first time in a long while he felt free from the incessant anxieties of daily life： “At last I had time to have time.”

But Terzanis embrace of seclusion was relatively unusual： Humans have long stigmatized1） solitude. It has been considered an inconvenience， something to avoid， a punishment， a realm of loners. Science has often aligned2） it with negative outcomes. Freud， who linked solitude with anxiety， noted that， “in children the first phobias3） relating to situations are those of darkness and solitude.” John Cacioppo， a modern social neuroscientist who has extensively studied loneliness—contends that， beyond damaging our thinking powers， isolation can even harm our physical health. But increasingly scientists are approaching solitude as something that， when pursued by choice， can prove therapeutic4）.

This is especially true in times of personal turbulence， when the instinct is often for people to reach outside of themselves for support. “When people are experiencing crisis its not always just about you： Its about how you are in society，” explains Jack Fong， a sociologist at California State Polytechnic University who has studied solitude. “When people take these moments to explore their solitude， not only will they be forced to confront who they are， they just might learn a little bit about how to outmaneuver5） some of the toxicity that surrounds them in a social setting.”

In other words， when people remove themselves from the social context of their lives， they are better able to see how theyre shaped by that context.

Much of this self-reconfiguring happens through what Fong calls “existentializing moments，” mental flickers of clarity which can occur during inward-focused solitude. Fong developed this idea from the late German-American sociologist Kurt Wolffs “surrender and catch” theory of personal epiphany. “When you have these moments， dont fight it. Accept it for what it is. Let it emerge calmly and truthfully and dont resist it，” Fong says. “Your alone time should not be something that youre afraid of.”endprint

Yet， at the same time， it is not only about being alone. “Its a deeper internal process，” notes Matthew Bowker， a psychoanalytic political theorist at Medaille College who has researched solitude. Productive solitude requires internal exploration， a kind of labor which can be uncomfortable， even excruciating6）. “It might take a little bit of work before it turns into a pleasant experience. But once it does it becomes maybe the most important relationship anybody ever has， the relationship you have with yourself.”

Yet today， in our hyper-connected society， Bowker believes that solitude is “more devalued than it has been in a long time.” He points to a recent study at the University of Virginia in which several participants—a quarter of the women and two-thirds of the men—chose to subject themselves to electric shock rather than be alone with their thoughts.

And even though many great thinkers have championed the intellectual and spiritual benefits of solitude—Lao Tzu， Emerson， Woolf （“How much better is silence； the coffee cup， the table”）—many modern humans seem hell-bent on avoiding it. “Every time we have a chance to go running we plug in our headphones. Every time we sit in the car we listen to NPR，” laments Bowker. “I mean， my students today tell me they cant go to the bathroom without their phone on.”

This is not to say that true solitude necessarily requires an absence of stimuli. Rather， “the value of solitude depends on whether an individual can find an interior solitude” within themselves， says Bowker. Everyone is different in that regard： “Some people can go for a walk or listen to music and feel that they are deeply in touch with themselves. Others cannot.”

Generally， Bowker contends that our “mistrust of solitude” has consequences. For one， “weve become a more groupish society，” he says. “Were drawn to identity-markers and to groups that help us define [ourselves]. In the simplest terms， this means using others to fill out our identities， rather than relying on something internal， something that comes from within，” Bowker says. “Separating from the group， I would argue， is one thing that universities should be facilitating more.”

That is where solitude comes in. Such a separation requires what psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott called the “capacity to be alone.” This is key to Bowkers idea of solitude as self-strengthening. “You have to have that capacity： the ability to know that youre gonna survive， that youre gonna be okay if youre not supported by this group，” Bowker says. “Put another way， a person who can find a rich self-experience in a solitary state is far less likely to feel lonely when alone.”endprint

There is a catch7） to all of this： For solitude to be beneficial， certain preconditions must be met. Kenneth Rubin， a developmental psychologist at the University of Maryland， calls them the “ifs.” Solitude can be productive only： if it is voluntary， if one can regulate ones emotions “effectively，” if one can join a social group when desired， and if one can maintain positive relationships outside of it. When such conditions arent met， yes， solitude can be harmful. Consider the hikikomori8） phenomenon in Japan， where hundreds of thousands of depressed or troubled young people quarter themselves away， sometimes for years， often requiring extensive reintegration therapy to move on. The difference between solitude as rejuvenation9） and solitude as suffering is the quality of self-reflection that one can generate while in it， and the ability to come back to social groups when one wants to.

When preconditions are met， solitude can be restorative. For Fong， who meditates 15 minutes a day and takes monthly solo camping trips， it is at least as essential as exercise or healthy eating. Possibly， he says， it is necessary for a truly healthy mind. “It really lifts you out of problems. It really， really has a powerful function for making you understand your predicament10） in this universe，” he says.

Yet， because the study of solitude as a positive force is new， its hard to speak in precise scientific terms about it： We dont know what the ideal amount is， for instance， or even if there is one. Most likely， such measures are different for everybody. But researchers recommended taking it where you can get it， by meditating， taking solo walks or going on camping trips alone. Bowker makes a point of driving in silence. The point is to be away from social interaction and looking inward， however this may be achieved for you. “Solitude does not have form，” says Fong. “It is amorphous11）.”

After his month-long seclusion in Japan， during which he “put [himself] back together，” Terzani， already a well-known reporter in Italy， went on to build a successful career as an author. Though he was an atheist， Terzani gained an almost religious following for his later writings， much of which interweaved reportage with personal experience and philosophical musings. After his death in 2004 from stomach cancer， the adoption of him as a guru-like figure was something which some intellectuals bemoaned， calling it a disservice to his message. “The only real teacher is not in a forest， or a hut or an ice cave in the Himalayas，” he once remarked. “It is within us.” One imagines him reaching the conclusion alone.endprint

20世纪80年代，意大利记者兼作家帝奇亚诺·坦尚尼结束了多年在亚洲地区的报道，把自己幽禁在日本茨城县的一个小木屋里闭关。“一个月的时间里，除了我的小狗保利，我没有人可以说话。”他在游记《算命先生告诉我》里写道。坦尚尼以书为伴打发时间，他还观察大自然，“在林间听风吟，观察蝴蝶，享受静寂”。这么久以来，他第一次从日常生活不断的焦虑中解脱出来：“我终于有时间来享受闲暇了。”

可是相较而言，坦尚尼这种欣然接受隐居生活的态度有些非比寻常：人类一直认为独居是可耻的。人们认为离群索居多有不便，应该避免，是一种惩罚，是孤独者才过的生活。科学界通常把独居和消极后果相提并论。弗洛伊德把孤独和焦虑连在一起，他就指出，“孩子们最初的恐惧就源于那些和黑暗与孤独相关的情境”。约翰·卡乔波是一位现代神经科学家，曾深入研究过孤寂。他辩称：孤独不仅会摧毁我们的思维能力，而且危害我们的身体健康。但是渐渐地，科学家们认为，如果是我们主动选择独居生活，那么独处被证明有治疗的效果。

在个人生活发生动荡的时候尤为如此。这时人们总是出于直觉向外界寻求帮助和支持。“当人们经历危机时，危机就不一定是只跟你有关了：危机与你在社会中的存在状态有关，”加州州立理工大学研究孤独的社会学家杰克·方解释说，“当人们趁此机会去探讨自己所陷入的孤独时，就不得不面对他们是谁这个问题，而且可能还会学到一些在社会场景中如何用智谋战胜周围一些消极因素的技巧。”

换句话说，就是当人们从自己所处的社会环境中抽身出来，就更能看明白他们是如何被环境塑造的了。

许多自我重构就是在社会学家方所称的“存在的瞬间”里发生的，这样的瞬间是顿悟般的灵光，一般会在观照内心的孤独时刻出现。方的这种想法是在已故德裔美国社会学家库特·沃尔夫有关个人顿悟的理论基础上发展而来的，该理论叫做“屈服再抓住”理论。“当你体会到这些瞬间时，不要抗争。接受它的现状。让其平静如实地出现，并欣然接受，”方说，“你的独处时光不应该让你有所畏惧。”

然而，与此同时，自我重构又不只与独处有关。“这是个继续通往内心深处的过程。” 曾在梅达尔学院研究孤独的精神分析政治理论学家马修·鲍克指出。富有成效的孤独需要内在探索，这是种苦役般的探寻，会不舒服，甚至会是痛苦的。“在变成令人愉快的经历之前，可能要下点功夫。可是一旦做到了，就会成为一个人曾拥有的最重要的关系——你和自己的关系。”

孤独的价值在很长一段时间里都被低估了，而鲍克认为在我们今天这个紧密连接的社会里，孤独的价值比以往更被低估。他指的是最近弗吉尼亚大学的一项研究。参与该研究的受访者中有四分之一的女性和三分之二的男性情愿接受电击，也不愿意与自己的想法独处。

而且即使许多伟大的思想家曾支持捍卫孤独所带来的智力和精神上的益处——比如老子、艾默生、伍尔夫（“寂静多好啊；一杯咖啡，坐在桌前”）——可是许多现代人好像还是要不顾一切地避免独处。“我们只要有机会去跑跑步，就要头戴耳机。每次我们坐在车里，都要去听国家公共电台的广播，”鲍克遗憾地说，“我的意思是，如今我的学生告诉我，去上洗手间都必带手机。”

这并不是说真正的独处就不需要一点外界刺激。相反的，“独处的价值取决于一个人是否能在内心找到内在的孤独”，鲍克说。每个人在这一点上是有所不同的：“有的人可以在散步或听音乐时就能与自我进行深入的交流。有的人却不行。”

鲍克认为，通常情况下我们“对独处的不信任”是会造成后果的。一方面，“我们已经发展成更加人以群分的社会，”他说。“身份标记和群体对我们有吸引力，因为这样有助于我们确定自己的身份。用最通俗的话来讲，就是说用他人来实现我们自己的身份认同，而不是靠内在的或者发自内心的某种东西，”鲍克说，“我认为，大学应更多促进学生认识的一件事是脱离群体。”

脱离群体才能迎接孤独的到来。实现这种脱离需要具备精神分析师唐纳德·温尼科特所称的“独处能力”。这一点是鲍克的理念“孤独即自强”的关键所在。“你必须具备这种能力：知道即使没有群组的支持，你也会活下来，也会好好的，”鲍克说，“换句话说，一个在孤独状态下能找到充实自我体验的人，才不会在独处时感到孤独。”

所有这些都是有条件的：为使孤独有益，必须满足一定的前提条件。美国马里兰大学的发展心理学家肯尼思·鲁宾把这些条件称为“只有”。孤独只有这样才会有成效：只有在自愿时，只有一个人能“有效”控制情绪时，只有当一个人想融入社群就能融入时，只有当一个人脱离社群后仍能保持积极关系时。倘若无法满足这些前提条件，独处可能会是有害的。考虑下日本的蜇居族现象。在日本有几十万抑郁的或有问题的年轻人离群索居，有时甚至几年都不出门。他们通常需要长期的整合治疗来帮助康复。区分独处是恢复活力之方还是承受煎熬之苦的重点在于一个人身处其中时反省的质量，以及当一个人想回归社会群体时是否有能力回来。

当这些前提条件得到满足时，独处可以让人恢复元气。在方看来，每天冥想15分钟，或者每个月独自野营几次，至少就跟锻炼和健康饮食一样重要。他说，或许这对于真正的心理健康很有必要。“这样做确实能帮你摆脱困境，独处的的确确有一种强大功能，可以使你理解自我在这个宇宙中所面临的困境。”他说。

但是，由于把孤独当做一种积极力量来研究还是全新的领域，所以很难用精确的科学术语来谈论它：比如，我们不知道独处多久是理想的，或者到底有没有理想的独处时间。很有可能，这些标准因人而异。但是研究人员建议你能独处时就独处一下，方式可以是冥想、独自漫步或独自野营。鲍克特别强调静静地开车。重点是远离社交互动并观照内心，不管用什么方式，只要能实现这一点就行。“独处是没有形式的，”方说，“独处是无形的。”

在日本长达一个月的闭关期间，坦尚尼“让自己恢复了元气”。闭关结束后，已是意大利知名记者的他继而打造了又一个成功职业——作家。虽然是无神论者，坦尚尼却凭借后期作品赢得了读者几乎是宗教狂热般的追捧。他的很多后期作品把新闻报告跟个人经历与哲学冥思交织在一起。2004年因胃癌去世之后，他被奉为类似精神领袖的人物，一些知识分子为此感到惋惜，说这样做对于坦尚尼理念的传播是不利的。“真正的导师不在森林里，不在茅屋中，也不在喜马拉雅山上的冰窖里，”他曾指出，“而是在我们的心中。”我们可以想象，他是在独处時得出这一结论的。

1. stigmatize [?st?ɡm?ta?z] vt. 视……为可耻，使受到蔑视

2. align [??la?n] vt. 使一致

3. phobia [?f??bi?] n. 恐惧（症）

4. therapeutic [?θer??pju?t?k] adj. 治疗的；有益于健康的

5. outmaneuver [?a?tm??nu?v?（r）] vt. 以计谋胜过；运用策略击败

6. excruciating [?k?skru??i?e?t??] adj. 折磨人的；使苦恼的

7. catch [k?t?] n. 限制（或保留）条件

8. hikikomori：蛰居族，形容那些脱离社会、有些自闭的年轻人

9. rejuvenation [r??d?u?v??ne??（?）n] n. 复壮，恢复活力

10. predicament [pri?d?k?m?nt] n. 窘况，困境

11. amorphous [??m??（r）f?s] adj. 无定形的endprint