On Being a Dad原来这就是爸爸的心情

Being a dad is messy1） ... not just the many spills and broken dishes and dirty kitchens and finger-painted walls you have to clean up， but messy because nothing ever goes as planned.

It&apos；s messy because you start out with the best of intentions， hoping to be super dad and loving and perfect， and then it all goes to hell.

Things get said， tempers flare2）， feelings get hurt， you get mad at each other. Kids never turn out as planned， and neither does your life. You hope for one thing， and get a wonderful mess in return.

Being a father is about uncertainty. You create a kid， and you are flooded with uncertainty， because you don&apos；t know how to do any of this. You don&apos；t know how your kids will turn out， and you don&apos；t know what the hell you&apos；re doing. All of a sudden， you&apos；re up to bat3）， and the pressure is on you， not just to provide， not just to keep a fragile human being alive， but to be their role model， to shape them， to make them happy. And none of it comes with a manual4）.

They have problems， like a kid teased them at school， or bullied them， they&apos；re struggling with motivation or boredom or fitting in ... and you don&apos；t know how to deal with any of it. You try your best， but in the end you don&apos；t know. It&apos；s filled with uncertainty.

This uncertainty can be terrifying. You&apos；re not just playing a video game here， these are real lives you&apos；ve been given to steward5）. Your heart is flooded with the fear of uncertainty， and you don&apos；t admit to yourself that you&apos；re scared.

So how do you make it through this uncertainty？ The dad way is to try to find certainty： come up with a solution， fix things， create a system， teach them a method， create lists， be on top of6） it. This is all an illusion， because even after your systems and methods， you still don&apos；t know crap. It&apos；s still uncertain.

The only way through uncertainty is love.

Being a dad is about uncertainty， but it&apos；s also about love. You are scared witless， and yet you make it through all of this because you love them endlessly， you are undone by your love for them.

You do whatever you can for them， despite the fears， amidst the uncertainty， because you love them.

You aren&apos；t alone， of course. You are joined in this uncertain journey by their loving mother， who are amazing and who bears the brunt7） of the burdens and messiness and uncertainty. You have their loving grandparents， their aunts and uncles， everyone around you helping these kids through life， helping you deal with the uncertainty. The love of all these wonderful people helps you through.

In the end， they grow up and become adults， and then the uncertainty only increases. You don&apos；t know how they&apos；ll deal with life， but you know they&apos；ll be amazing， because they too have learned to live amidst the uncertainty anchored8） in the unending groundlessness by their love.

做爸爸常常手忙脚乱……不仅仅是因为有洒了的饭菜、打碎的盘子、脏乱的厨房和满是手印的墙面等着你收拾，还因为事情永远不会按照计划进行。

手忙脚乱是因为起初你抱着最好的打算，希望成为超级老爸，慈爱而又完美，可接着这一切就都见鬼去了。

口不择言，怒火爆发，情感受伤，彼此生气。孩子们从不按计划来，你的生活也是如此。你希望事情会这样来，得到的结果却一团糟。

做爸爸充满了不确定性。有了孩子，你就会淹没在不确定的洪流中，因为你对所有这些事一窍不通。你不知道你的孩子会变成什么样，也不知道自己到底在搞什么。突然之间，你就上场了，压力就来了。你不仅仅要养活他们，也不仅仅要让这脆弱的小生命活下去，你还要成为他们的榜样，塑造他们，让他们快乐。而且所有这些都没有配说明书。

孩子们会遇到各种问题，比如在学校被别的孩子嘲笑或欺负，或者因为失去动力、感到厌倦或难以融入而挣扎痛苦……对于这一切，你完全手足无措。你尽己所能，可归根结底还是不知该怎么办。一切都是那么的不确定。

这种不确定可能会很可怕。这时候你可不是在打电子游戏，你要照管的可是活生生的人。你心里充斥着对这种不确定的恐惧，但你却不承认自己害怕了。

那你要如何应对这种不确定呢？爸爸们的方式是设法寻求确定：提出对策，解决问题，创建体系，传授方法，列出清单，然后尽在掌控。但这一切全都只是妄想罢了，因为即使有了各式各样的体系和方法，你依然一头雾水，事情还是那么不确定。

唯一应对不确定的方法是爱。

做爸爸充满了不确定性，却同样充满了爱。你总是提心吊胆，不过，你却又从这一切中挺了过来，因为你对他们的爱永无止境，你对儿女的爱已经胜过了一切。

纵然害怕迷茫，你依然为他们倾尽所能，因为你爱他们。

當然，你并不是孤军奋战。在这场未知的旅程中，他们亲爱的妈妈会和你同行，她能干无比，在劳累、混乱和不确定面前首当其冲。你还有他们慈爱的爷爷奶奶、叔叔阿姨，你身边的每个人都会帮助孩子们渡过生活的困境，帮助你应对那种不确定。所有这些好人的爱助你乘风破浪。

终于，他们长大成人了，那时候的不确定性只会变得更多。你不知道他们将如何与生活周旋，但你清楚他们会令你惊叹，因为他们也学会了如何用爱在扎根于无边飘摇的未知中生活。