Do not Whisper in the Presence of Others

Text by Liu Yida 刘一达

Translation by Zhu Yaguang 朱亚光

Do not Whisper in the Presence of Others

当人面别咬耳朵

Text by Liu Yida 刘一达

Translation by Zhu Yaguang 朱亚光

Whispering amidst the older generation of Beijing natives is called “Yao Er-duo (咬耳朵),” (Beijing dialect, literally meaning “nibbling one’s ear”), or“Xiao Di Gu (小嘀咕).”

In order to exchange confidential information, people often speak softly into other’s ear, and sometimes they’ll also cover their mouth to keep the conversation entirely private.

When there are only two people chatting, whispering is acceptable, which, in a sense, is even a refined way of communication. However, when there are more than two persons joining in a conversation, whispering may be offensive.

According to the convention in Beijing, mouth-to-ear talking or muttering is definitely not allowed in front of the elders or“outsiders”—such as guests or the public. In other words, you can never whisper in front of others.

Why did Beijingers make such a rule?

First of all, talking mouth-to-ear in public is offensive to the eye. Known to be straightforward and sincere, Beijingers always speak and behave in an open and frank way; therefore, talking mouth-to-ear in front of others seems rather impolite.In Beijingers’ mind, only disgraceful things are meant to be discussed in private, and thus it is regarded as an indecent behavior to whisper in public.

Second, whispering can arouse suspicion and misunderstandings. For example, when someone is talking in public, whispering may cause suspicion—someone may wonder “Is this person dissatisfied with me?”or “Didisay anything wrong?” or “Haveiever offended this person?”or “Is the guy speaking evil of me?” Furthermore, if you look at a person right after whispering to others, it is even more likely to arouse such suspicion in them.

Third, talking mouth-to-ear in public is disrespectful to others. When attending a public gathering, you should carry yourself with ease and confidence, and pay attention to the theme of the activity. If you are the only one who whispers in private while other people are chatting openly about the activity, don’t you think it’s impolite?

Certainly, the reason why Beijingers have such a convention has much to do with the fact that Beijing was the imperial city in ancient times. In the imperial court, talking mouth-to-ear was strictly prohibited. Just imagine, what if civil and military officials talked mouth-to-ear with each other in the face of the emperor? They would probably lose their life for offending His Majesty. Officials couldn’t even talk mouth-to-ear when their peers were around them. Hence, the convention gradually penetrated into the civil society.

(FromBeijing Document, January 2017.)

老北京人把耳语，也就是交头接耳，叫“咬耳朵”，或者说是“小嘀咕”。

耳语，就是怕别人听见，对着对方的耳朵小声说话，有时怕声儿传出去，还要用手挡着嘴。

如果就是两个人，说话用耳语，倒也没什么。从某种意义上说，这还是文雅之举。如果是两个以上的人在场，您说话时用耳语，那就犯忌了。

按北京的老规矩，在长辈面前，或者在外人面前，绝对不许“咬耳朵”，犯“小嘀咕”。所谓“外人面前”，一般是指在客人面前，或是在大庭广众之下。换句话说，就是在众人面前不能耳语。

北京人为什么要立这规矩呢？

一是在大庭广众“咬耳朵”，窃窃私语，形象不雅。北京人比较直爽、率真。说话办事，讲究落落大方，坦坦荡荡，开诚布公。当着众人的面儿，你“咬耳朵”，显得行为猥琐。在北京人看来，只有见不得人的事，才怕别人听见，当众“咬耳朵”被视为小人之举。

二是容易让人起疑，产生误会。在公众场合，尤其是在别人说话的时候，你“咬耳朵”，会让人心里猜疑：是不是对我有什么想法？我哪句话说错了？我怎么得罪他了？他是不是在说我的坏话？假如你跟别人“咬耳朵”的时候，眼睛再看着其他人，那就更容易让人起这种疑心了。

三是在大庭广众之下，跟人“咬耳朵”，是对他人的不尊重。在公众场合，要举止大方，规规矩矩，注意力要集中在活动的主题上。如果别人都在围绕活动的主题谈话，你却私下犯“小嘀咕”，是不是对其他人的不礼貌？

当然，北京人有这老规矩，跟北京是皇城有很大关系。朝廷上下是绝对禁止“咬耳朵”的动作的。你想，文武官员在上朝的时候，当着皇上的面“咬耳朵”，等于是犯欺君之罪，那不等着脑袋搬家吗？不光是在皇上面前，在官面上，都不能“咬耳朵”、窃窃私语。这个规矩自然要影响民间。

（摘自《北京纪事》 2017年第1期）