A Pragmatic Study of Gender Differences in Verbal Communication

许家凤

【Abstract】Male and Female languages refer to those which are usually used by men and women or those which characterize gender differences. Based on the theories of sociolinguistics and pragmatics， this thesis mainly provides a contrastive analysis of gender differences in conversation of Desperate Housewives from the perspectives of politeness principles. It aims at investigating how the pragmatic principles are violated or observed in the conversations of the characters in the series， finding out some to minimize the misunderstandings in inter-gender communication and achieve effective inter-gender communication.

【Key words】Gender differences； Politeness principle； Desperate Housewives

1. A Brief Introduction to Desperate Housewives

Desperate Housewives is an American television dramedy mystery series created by Marc Cherry and produced by ABC Studios and Cherry Productions. The show worked through domestic struggles and family life， while facing the secrets， crimes and mysteries hidden behind the doors of their， on the surface， beautiful and seemingly perfect suburban neighborhood. The popularity of the show aroused a worldwide cultural phenomenon. This research aims at studying gender differences in language use from pragmatic perspective by analyzing how the pragmatic principles are obeyed and violated in the dialogues between heroes and heroines in Desperate Housewives， and then tries to find the appropriate way to minimize the misunderstanding in the communications between women and men and finally achieve the successful inter-gender communication.

2. Politeness Principles

In order to improve and perfect Grices CP， Leech put forward the Politeness Principle. Politeness Principle improves and perfects the conversational implicature theory and explains the social language phenomenon. Leech further formulates his PP with the negative and positive forms： （in the negative form）“Minimize （other things being equal） the expression of impolite beliefs” and （in the positive form）“Maximize （other things being equal） the expression of polite beliefs” （1983： 81）. His PP is further categorized into six main maxims， which go in pairs as follows：

1） Tact Maxim：

a. Minimize cost to other；

b. Maximize benefit to other.

2） Generosity Maxim：

a. Minimize benefit to self；

b. Maximize cost to self.

3） Approbation Maxim：

a. Minimize dispraise of other；

b. Maximize praise of other.

4） Modesty Maxim：

a. Minimize praise of self；

b. Maximize dispraise of self.

5） Agreement Maxim：

a. Minimize disagreement between self and other；

b. Maximize agreement between self and other.

6） Sympathy Maxim：

a. Minimize antipathy between self and other；

b. Maximize sympathy between self and other. （Leech 1983： 132）

3. Analysis Based on Politeness Principle

3. 1 The Tact Maxim and the Generosity Maxim

According to the maxims of Tact and Generosity， both parties of conversation are required to attach importance to the benefit of others in the conversation as much as possible. In general， women and men are different in obeying or violating the maxims of Tact and Generosity. The following examples from the Desperate Housewives are well analyzed to show the differences.

Example 1：

-Dave： What's going on？

-Edie： Packing our bags.

-Dave： All right， what did she say to you this time？

-Edie： Nothing. It doesn't matter. We are moving.

-Dave： Adults don't pack up and move because of some good-natured teasing.

-Edie： She said that my breasts were a triumph of German engineering.

You call that good-natured？

-Dave： Come on. She's a cranky old lady.

-Edie： It's not just her. It's all of them. I mean it's been five years. I have changed.

But the people on this street don't care. To them I will always be a joke.

-Dave： Im sorry you had a bad day.

-Edie： Please don't use your motivational voice. I really hate that.

-Dave： You're upset and you're tired. Why don't you take a nice hot shower and Ill make us some lunch？ Does that sound good？

-Edie： I just never understood it. We... we could've gone and lived in any city in this country. Why did you insist on living here？

-Dave： 'Cause we can be happy here. You just need to give it some time. And I promise Ill personally see to it that people start treating you with a little more respect.

-Edie： You didn't answer my question.

-Dave： Didn't I？

In this conversation， Edie complains about the neighbors unfriendly attitudes. But her husband Dave patiently consoles her. When Edie orders him to pack bags， Dave firstly tries to know the situation by asking the question. On the contrary， Edie barely answers Daves question directly and doesnt care about Daves feelings but frequently asks Dave some questions. So both men and women are possible to violate the Tact and Generosity maxim.

3.2 The Approbation Maxim and the Modesty Maxim

As to the maxims of Approbation and Modesty， participants are supposed to praise the others and diminish self as much as possible. In inter-gender communications， females would like to maintain the ongoing conversation by expressing their admiration， appreciation， encouragement， and gratitude to others while males regard compliment as a device to imply that they are in favor with the one who is complimented. The following conversational fragments from Desperate Housewives can analyze the differences.

Example 2：

Keith： We can adopt a child. So long as I can teach him to throw the ball，I don't care whose DNA he has got.

Bree： Oh，Keith. There are other considerations. I don't want children.

I have already experienced that and it was wonderful.But I have done it.

Keith： Oh，（ silence）

Bree： And you，you are gonna be such an amazing father and I will never ask you to give up that experience.

In this conversation， Bree differs with her boyfriend Keith in whether they should adopt a child. Although the situation is nervous and embarrassing， Bree bravely encourages Keith that he should not give up the rights of being father and believes that he will be a great father， which exhibits Brees generosity and consideration. Bree makes full use of compliment languages so as to ease the embarrassment resulted by the disagreement and make the conversation go smoothly. On the contrary， men would like to violate the maxim of Approbation and Modesty. Involving in their own interests， they will blame others by employing offensive language without caring about others face. So it is concluded that women tend to observe the maxim of Approbation and Modesty.

3.3 The Agreement Maxim and the Sympathy Maxim

The Agreement Maxim expects both participants in conversation to avoid the conflicts and increase the agreement of each other as more as possible. In general， in order to maintain the conversation and save men's face， women tend to interrupt or join in the conversation suddenly or consent to the men's opinions even if they differs in their mind. Females are more likely to observe Agreement maxim as they make endeavor to maintain smooth conversation. As to the Sympathy Maxim， speakers in conversation are required to relieve antipathy of each other at the most extent and increase sympathy of each other as more as possible. women are more likely to be more considerate and have empathy for the feelings of others while men tend to ignore women's feelings in inter-gender communication.

Let us look at the following conversational fragments in Desperate Housewives.

Example 4：

Tom： Where the hell did Lynette go？

Renee： She cant be so far. Dont worry about that. （silence）

Tom： So the house looks great.

Renee： Thanks.

Tom： You like living here？

Renee： Oh，yes，of course.

Tom： （ laughing） That did not sound very convincing.

Renee： Well，it is nothing against Fairview.（Season 7， Episode 12）

This conversation happened while Lynette left home without any indications or signs. It began with Toms rude question by which Tom intended to expresse his impatient emotion and discontent to his wife. And Renee cared about Tom's face and friendly and politely comforted him by her own language. When Tom asked Renee whether she loved to live in Wisteria Lane， Renee completely agreed with Tom's point and intentionally answered “yes” ignored her true feelings so as to be polite and avoid conflicting with Tom even though she felt lonely because of living in foreign land. However， Tom did not realize the implicative meaning of Renee and doubted her answer's truth by directly questioned her， which threatened the face of Renee and meanwhile built his own prestige and made Renee stay at the disadvantage position. So in inter-gender communication， women tend to be more sympathy than men. Men tend to put aside differences while women would like to seek the common ground in inter-gender communication.

4. Conclusion

Through detailed analysis of the conversation excerpted from the Desperate Housewives， it has found that males tend to violate the Politeness Principle because of their independent， active， competitive and aggressive characteristics while females are more likely to comply with the Politeness Principle for the sake of the face of the listeners and the smoothness of the communication， although both women and men could violate and obey the PP.

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