My Lovely Twin Cousins
2016-12-26
陈传光 男,中学一级教师,江苏省赣榆县罗阳中学,从事教育教学工作十余载。江苏省教育学会会员,连云港市优秀教育园丁,赣榆县优秀班主任。有多篇论文在各杂志期刊上发表并获奖。曾获全国中学生新课程英语语言能力竞赛优秀辅导教师一等奖。
My uncle has two little babies. They are twins. Their names are Zi Kang and Zi Jie. They are only two years old. They all① have small eyes and straight black hair. Zi Jie is taller and stronger than Zi Kang, and Zi Jie looks like his dad. They love eating chocolate biscuits.
They are so cute. They like swinging in the park. They get up at seven oclock. Then my grandma takes them to the market to buy delicious breakfast. After that, they go to the park. In the afternoon, my aunt often takes them to play with the neighbor② kids for a while. Every evening, they do not go to bed until they finish drinking hot milk.
My lovely twin cousins like smiling. They smile to everyone, even if they dont know who are they③. So everyone likes them.
江苏省赣榆县罗阳中学九(5)班 丰凯强
1. 优点:
这是一篇别具特色的写人作品,文章的主角是两个只有两岁的双胞胎婴儿,通过表哥丰凯强同学绘声绘色的描写,这两个小宝贝憨态可掬的样子跃然纸上,让人喜爱。本文重点阐述了双胞胎表弟的生活,细节之处,如“喜欢对人微笑”,极富感染力,是一篇极为生动的写人佳作。
2. 需要修改的地方:
① all改为both。all意为“(三者或三者以上)都”,both意为“(两者)都”。
② neighbor改为neighbors。neighbors是名词所有格,修饰kids,意为“邻居的”。
③ are they改为they are。此处是宾语从句,从句应使用陈述句语序。
3. 评分:
按江苏省连云港市中考英语作文满分20分的评分标准,本文修改前可得18分。