浙江省新高考英语写作题型介绍及范例点评

陈科芳

编 者 按

《普通高等学校招生全国统一考试英语科考试说明（高考综合改革试验省份试用）（第一版）》已经公布。作为试点单位，浙江省对2016年10月份开始的新高考英语科目考试题型作了重大调整，其中英语写作分为两部分，共40分：第一部分为应用文写作（15分）；第二部分为读后续写或概要写作（25分），两种形式在不同考次不定期交替使用。对于应用文写作，广大师生相对熟悉，但是读后续写或概要写作是一种新题型，之前考试中考生并未接触过。为方便广大师生尽早熟悉这种题型，适应相关变化，本刊特设学生习作点评栏目。我们先来分析读后续写这个题型。本次学生习作选自德清某高中。

题型介绍

1.选材特点

（1）所需阅读的短文词数在350以内。

（2）多以记叙文故事类文章或者夹叙夹议类文章为主，故事情节有曲折、有起伏，但故事线索的逻辑性往往比较强。

2.续写步骤

（1）仔细审题，明确续写要求。一般短文后面的“注意”都有对此次短文续写的具体要求，如字数限制、使用几处下画线关键词语、续写段落的首句提示等。考生认真体会此类信息，就能做到“心中有数”。

（2）精读文章，确定文章线索。每篇文章都有各自独特的写作思路，通过精读，就能找到该篇文章的写作线索或者逻辑关联，如以时间为线索或以空间为线索等。这样，考生就可以“顺藤摸瓜（结尾）”。

（3）回扣原文，揣摩续写思路。根据文章后面的要求，再次快速回读短文，以抓住文章的思路，并结合段首的提示语，最终确定续写段落的思路，结合文章画线词语提示，确定续写段落的内容。

（4）拟写草稿，修改错词病句。在确定了思路和内容之后，最关键的就是结合提示语或者文中画线的关键词拟写草稿。拟写时，应注意句子结构的多样性，语言的丰富性，并通过句与句之间连接词的正确使用，使上下文连贯。

（5）标出续写部分中使用到的原材料中标有下画线的关键词语。这一点可以帮助考生自己检查关键词的使用情况并根据情况做出修改。最后在誊写文字时，务必做到“字迹工整、清晰”。

3.备考建议

面对读后续写这一新写作题型，在了解其特点和写作技巧之后，考生只要加以适度练习，对此新题型就可以做到得心应手。几点教学建议：

（1）增加故事型、记叙性文章的赏析和段落背诵，引导学生注意情节设置衔接、动词的用法、动作的描述等，适当增加新概念故事类文章的讲解和背诵。要有大量合适的语言和文体材料的输入，方能有所产出。要扩大学生的阅读量和阅读面，多朗读、背诵。建议充分利用记叙文故事类的阅读理解或者完形填空：考生在做此类文章的试题时，读到适当的位置，可以短暂停止，根据已读部分文章的脉络，对文章进行发散思维，设想可能的几种结尾，然后对照原文的结尾，看自己的设想是否与原文一致。

（2）设定主题类继续段落的演练，加强词汇句型的准确熟练运用，加强情节衔接的顺畅。经常实施微型化训练，也就是对所读文章的某一段落进行设想。根据某一段落的首句提示，结合文章的上文对该段进行合理设想，具体推断该段可能要讲述的内容。

（3）开展故事续写类主题文章的大范围练习，并进行适度专题化练习，比如对同一篇开头进行不同类型或者思路的接续。需要注意的是，读后续写补全的是语篇，而非单词或短语。与传统写作类似，续写文章更加要注意句与句之间的连接词，甚至是冠词的暗示作用。如《考试说明》样题中续写部分的第二段“the Police Station”中的“the”表明在上一段中已经提到，同时后面的“and”表明前后之间是并列关系。

（4）在平时的教学中，教师要帮助学生释放创造力和想象力，激发其表达动机。在之前的阅卷过程中，笔者发现有创造力和想象力的作文很少，考生体现出来的知识面也比较窄。千篇一律、缺乏生气，体现出考生跟其年龄和年代不太相称的知识面和思维力。

（5）教学过程中，要进行仿真模拟演练。建议教师严把字迹关，要求学生字迹工整清楚，尽可能美观。对字数要有比较严格的训练，不能太少，少则要扣分；也不宜太多，太多页面容不下，影响完整性。教师可以在平时的训练中，就使用跟标准试卷一样尺寸和规格的练习纸张，让学生用这样的仿真纸张练习，帮助他们养成好的书写和版面习惯。千万要记得让考生养成在关键词语下画线的习惯，否则容易丢分。另外，检查错误这个环节必不可少，可以通过自查纠正一些语法错误、时态问题或其他小的不足或不搭。

俗话说，熟能生巧。读后续写这一新题型的写作也是如此。通过适度练习，可以进一步熟知该题型的特色，更好地掌握该题型的写作技巧，更有效地调动传统写作的基础知识，从而写出一篇优美的续写短文。

评卷提示

1.相关要求

《考试说明》提出了相关规定和要求，评卷过程中需要遵照执行：

（1）与所给短文及段落开头语的衔接程度。

（2）内容的丰富性和对所给关键词语的覆盖情况。

（3）应用语法结构和词汇的丰富性和准确性。

（4）上下文的连贯性。

2.注意要点

（1）与应用文不同，故事续写型文章除了要求学生掌握准确丰富的词汇和句式外，还注重学生的内容构思和情节衔接的能力，注意上下文的连贯性。

（2）原文材料350词以内，所续写短文的词数应为150左右（词数少于130的，从总分中减去2分）。

（3）注意内容的丰富性和对所标出关键词语的应用。原文给出10处左右的标有下画线的关键词语，所续写短文应使用5个以上。续写完成后，需要用下画线标出所使用的关键词语。考生容易遗漏这一工作，从而造成不必要的失分。

（4）续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为考生写好。写作时，考生应注意与所给短文及段落开头语的衔接程度。

3.考查能力

读后续写是一种将阅读与写作紧密结合的考查形式，旨在考查学生的综合语言运用能力。与应用文不同，故事续写除了要求学生掌握丰富的词汇和句式外，还注重内容构思和情节衔接的能力。主要聚焦在以下四个方面：

一是把握短文关键信息和语言特点的能力。学生需要了解给定短文的主要内容，清楚其关键词和语言结构的使用情况，并通过续写短文表现出来。

二是语言运用的准确性和丰富性。期望学生在词汇和语言结构的使用方面准确、恰当，能够根据内容需要使用较为高级的词汇和语言结构。

三是对语篇结构的把控能力。考查学生对上下文逻辑关系的掌握情况，希望学生续写的短文语句连贯、有序。

四是创造性思维能力。这是对学生续写短文内容的要求，期望学生续写的短文具有较丰富的内容。该试题具有一定的开放性，要求学生详细生动地描述情景、态度和感情，符合课程标准的要求和学生的能力水平。

4.续写特点

读后续写，简言之，就是阅读完一篇还未写完的文章之后，根据要求和提示把这篇文章未写完的部分补充完整，使之浑然一体。它一方面能很好地考查考生对所学语言知识的实际运用能力，另一方面，它也能培养学生的发散思维能力。根据《考试说明》该部分的相关规定，结合专家的相关研究，总结读后续写特点如下：

（1）读后续写不是随心所欲地写，而是要在引导语（开头语）和提示词的帮助下完成续写部分。如《考试说明》样题中规定“应使用5个以上短文中标有下画线的关键词语（10处）”。这些关键词语类似于传统写作中的要点提示，如人物、地点、事件等，但是不同点在于这些关键词语并不是全用。这样，考生可根据自己的理解选用关键词，享有很大的自主权。另外，所续写部分不能脱离各自段落的首句开头语，即不能另起炉灶。这些开头语与传统写作中的开头语类似，在某种程度上引导考生的思路向哪方面发展。

（2）续写短文多以记叙文故事类文章或者夹叙夹议类文章为主，故事情节有曲折、有起伏，但是，故事线索的逻辑性比较强。这样，考生能够根据提示词语，顺着原来文章的思路续写文章，并适当发散。

（3）读后续写要求读写并重。与阅读理解题一样，读后续写同样需要精确理解所给文章，这样所续写部分才不至于偏离主题。就这方面而言，它有点类似阅读理解题中对文章后续发展的推断，如“What would happen next？”。

（4）所给文章的未完部分的思路和内容并不一定是唯一的，考生可以根据自己对文章的理解，对文章的结尾有不同的诠释。如《考试说明》中读后续写样题的结尾，考生可以理解为这个年轻人是银行抢劫者，而Arthur因此成为一个大英雄；考生也可以理解为这个年轻人不是一个银行抢劫者，结果产生了误会。

写作范例

1.题目要求（满分25分）

阅读下面的短文，根据所写情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

As he lay awake that night， Bebeto could hear his parents discussing his sister Ana’s birthday. It was just two days away. Birthdays were always a lot of fun， even though there was no money for store-bought gifts. Nearly all of toys he and his sister had were homemade. There was nothing wrong with that， he knew. Like many families in this part of Brazil， they were poor.

This birthday would be different， though. Ana was older now， and he’d seen how her eyes lit up when she saw the new doll at Zulma’s Presentes， a neighborhood store just down the road from their house.

How he longed for her to have it！ An idea finally came to him just before he went to bed. After a quick breakfast the following morning， he placed a tin can（锡罐） and a piece of string in a large bag.

Then he tied the bag to the handlebars of his bicycles and headed toward the outskirts（市郊） of town.

After a long journey， he reached his destination， the mango grove（小树林）. There were already two other boys there. Bebeto grabbed his hag and set to work right away. The smaller trees had already been picked over pretty well， but he was able to find a half-dozen mangoes before noon.

When the sun was high overhead， the hard work began. Nearly all of the taller trees held ripe mangoes but they were well beyond reach. The other boys took their fruit and went away. Bebeto used his pocketknife to cut a long piece of bamboo. Then he took the tin can from the bag， tied it to one end of the bamboo stick， and walked over to the base of mature（成熟的） mango tree.

He stayed there， poking（捅） the tin can high up into the tree. His

efforts were occasionally rewarded when a mango dropped into the can. After a while his neck ached from looking upward， and his arms grew sore. He kept at it， though， and by late afternoon his bag was nearly full.

注意：

①所续写短文的词数应为150左右；

②应使用5个以上短文中标有下画线的关键词语；

③续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好；

④续写完成后，请使用下画线标出你所使用的关键词语。

Paragraph 1：On the way back to town， Bebeto began to worry that the other boys might already have sold or traded their mangoes with Zulma.

Paragraph 2： The following morning， Ana walked into the kitchen and took a seat at the breakfast table.

2.学生习作

学生习作1

On the way back to town， Bebeto began to worry that the other boys might already have sold or traded their mangoes with Zulma. But fortunately， Zulma welcomed him with enthusiasm when he arrived at Zulma’s Presents， holding a large bag of mangoes. The mangoes Bebeto picked up were so attractive that the owner started to eat one at once. Feeling sweet and comfortable， Zulma allowed Bebeto to choose any one of the predentes in the store. And he chose the new doll his sister wanted with no hesitation.

The following morning， Ana walked into the kitchen and took a seat at the breakfast table. There Bebeto came to sit next to her and said “Happy birthday” to her. When Bebeto took out the gift， Ana burst into tears. It did become the most wonderful moment in her life. So did Bebeto. It was Bebeto’s efforts that made the poor life happier.

【点评1】

在续写前，建议先把原文所给关键词进行分类列举，这样有助于理清思路，不容易遗漏这些关键词。比如这篇文章中的关键词汇表如下：

时间：birthday

人物：Ana， boys

事件：fruit， mango， doll， bag， store， gift， efforts

在续写时，除了注意原文给出的关键词，还需要注意以下线索：

①Why did Bebeto begin to worry？

②What do you expect to happen the following morning？

应该说，这篇短文，包括后面的几篇短文，基本上都做到了续写部分跟上文情节连续，构成了完整的故事。这篇学生习作字数把握总体尚可，关键词语的使用也用下画线标出，达到了要求数量。语言比较流畅，语法错误不是很多。除了个别句子“So did Bebeto.”用得不太妥当及几个小问题（如Presentes和presents误用）之外，基本上还可以。但这篇习作没有反映出词汇的丰富和句式的多变，有些遗憾。按照25分总分来计算，应该可以打到第四档，即16～20分区间。

学生习作2

On the way back to town， Bebeto began to worry that the other boys might already have sold or traded their mangoes with Zulma. Thinking of this， he speeded up to reach the destination as soon as possible. It was about seven o’clock when he got to the Zulma’s Presentes. He walked into the beautiful store， shy and anxious. However， Zulma welcomed him and asked him what he needed. He explained his request for exchanging mangoes for a doll in a low voice. Zulma listening to him with a smile， and luckily， expensive as the doll was， she agreed Bebeto’s request.

The following morning， Ana walked into the kitchen and took a seat at the breakfast table. There， next to her seat， was a pink box. Ana opened it excitedly and found a shining doll inside. It was clear that she could hardly control herself. What’s more， she noticed a card near the toy， saying “Ana， you owns a great brother.” Tears rolled down her face. She dashed into her brother. After it， the relationship between them become better.

【点评2】

这篇习作中，学生没有按照要求把关键词画出来。为了方便读者起见，笔者将其补足。建议教师在训练学生的时候，让学生养成习惯，否则考试的时候一旦忘记画线，就容易失分，特此提醒和强调！

虽然习作中，学生成功尝试用了一些句型，如“luckily， expensive as the doll was， she agreed Bebeto’s request.”，语言使用总体流畅连贯，但语法错误比较多，如“Zulma listening to him with a smile.”“you owns a great brother.”“took a seat the breakfast table”，影响了整体感觉。其实，按照该生的语言水平和表述能力，如果能在写完后仔细校对一遍，应该能避免这些基本的语法问题。

最后的结尾也不理想：“She dashed into her brother.”应该改为：“She dashed into the arms of her brother.”“After it， the relationship between them become better.”用得欠妥当，容易让人误解他俩的关系之前不太好。因此，这篇习作可以打到第三档（上）或第四档（下），即15分左右。

学生习作3

On the way back to town， Bebeto began to worry that the other boys might already have sold or traded their mangoes with Zulma. He walked into Zulma’s Presentes， holding a full bag of mangoes in his hand. Bebeto said to Zulma， “I want to sell these mangoes.” But to his disappointment， Zulma said there were too many mangoes in his store and he didn’t want to buy some more. Bebeto was in pain， but he didn’t give up. He sincerely said， “Sir， please look at these mangoes. I just want to do something for my sister’s birthday.” Zulma picked up a mango and look it carefully. These mangoes were big and pretty， which were much better than other boys’ mangoes. Zulma smiled and told Bebeto that he was satisfied with these mangoes. The money Bebeto got was beyond his expection. Then， Bebeto bought the doll and went to home， feeling happy.

The following morning， Ana walked into the kitchen and took a seat at the breakfast table. Suddenly， she saw a lovely doll she longed for sitting on the table. She jumped up and running to hug the doll， “Wow， it is the best gift I have received！” Seeing that， Bebeto felt extremely happy and thought all his efforts were worthwhile.

【点评3】

这篇习作的最大问题是，句式比较平淡，用的基本都是简单句式，没有尝试用比较复杂的句式结构。词汇的选用也比较普通，个别词汇如“expection”还出现了拼写错误（应该是“expectation”）。语法错误也存在，如：“Zulma picked up a mango and look it carefully”；“She jumped up and running to hug the doll”。

故事的设计也如其文字一样，平淡无奇，毫无悬念，没有好的叙事该有的twists and turns。

建议打到第二档（上）或第三档（下），即10分左右。

学生习作4

On the way back to town， Bebeto began to worry that the other boys might already have sold or traded their mangoes with Zulma. When he walked into Zulma’s Presentes， he found that there had been plenty of mangoes on the ground already. As he thought that Zulma wouldn’t buy more mangoes， he burst into tears. Seeing this， Zulma came to Bebeto and listened to his story carefully. Moved by Bebeto’s efforts， Zulma told him that he would exchange the doll for his mangoes. So Bebeto took the doll back with great joy.

The following morning， Ana walked into the kitchen and took a seat at the breakfast table. Suddenly she noticed that at the table was her favourite doll with a note on it saying “Happy Birthday”. Ana couldn’t help shouting out， “Oh！ It’s the best gift I have ever received， thank you very much！” But their parents were confused about how Bebeto could afford it， as it’s one of the most expensive thing at Zulma’s Presentes， so they asked him and he told them all. The parents came into silence. Some days later， Zulma received an envelope which contains some money and a note expressing appreciation. Yes， it was from Bebeto’s parents， because they didn’t want to hurt Bebeto’s warm heart but they did know a small bag of mangoes were absolutely not enough for the doll and they must pay for it no matter how poor they were.

【点评4】

这篇学生习作的字数稍微多了点（241 words，减去已给字数尚余201字），可能会超出答题纸的范围。建议在平时就用考试标准答题纸进行练习，找到个人最适合最合理的书写方案和文字布局分配的方式。

该习作接续开始之处显得比较平，但后面加上了父母的行为这一人文部分，使得情节设计略有看头，有些思想性。

语言总体流畅，明显错误较少，但也没有比较高级和复杂的句型和词汇。

建议打在第四档，即16～20分区间。

学生习作5

On the way back to town， Bebeto began to worry that the other boys might already have sold or traded their mangoes with Zulma. So he sped up to arrive the store as soon as possible. As he reached the destination， he was nearly out of breath but didn’t slow down the steps. He rushed into the store， finding the boys not there. Then he came up to the boss and explained that he wanted to exchange mangoes for a doll， which he had made efforts to get. Even though he was refused directly， he didn’t give up but still tried to expound that tomorrow was his sister Ana’s birthday and all he wanted to do was just to buy her the doll she had long for. Finally， the boss seemed to be moved by the action of the boy especially the love for his sister. So he eventually got the doll.

The following morning， Ana walked into the kitchen and took a seat at the breakfast table. She was surprised to find that there was a beautiful box on the table as well as a lovely card. She took up the card and then showed a bright smile on her face. It was the gift from her brother. As the doll was so expensive to their family. She could imagine how hard he had worked. It was her brother’s warm that she would never forget.

【点评5】

这篇学生习作总体平铺直叙，故事设计比较平淡，略显乏味。学生尝试用了个别比较难一点的词汇，如“expound”（解释、说明）；“efforts”这一关键词的使用（which he had made efforts to get）也比较自然，显得比较effortless。

有几处错误，如：“she had long for”；“It was her brother’s warm”。

应该可以打在第三档，即11～15分区间。

学生习作6

On the way back to town， Bebeto began to worry that the other boys might already have sold or traded their mangoes with Zulma. When he arrived at Zulma’s Presentes hurriedly， he saw the other boys went out， with a big smile in one’s face. Sadly， Bebeto walked into the store and asked in a low voice， “Do you need more mangoes？” The owner looked up from his phone and replied that he did not need mangoes anymore. With tears in his eyes， he wanted to try again. “The mangoes are fresh and mature， I believe that they are tasty. Tomorrow is my sister’s birthday， I’d like to send her the new doll in your store.” However， the owner seemed not to be moved. He shook his head and said sincerely， “You can make a mango cake for her. It may be a good gift.”

The following morning， Ana walked into the kitchen and took a seat at the breakfast table. What caught her attention was a mango cake on the table. She knew it was from his brother， though she felt a little disappointed， she smiled and turned to her brother and said， “Thank you for your gift. I love it very much.” Having knew Ana liked the new doll instead of the cake， Bebeto just smiled， feeling sorry for her. Suddenly， the bell rang， Bebeto opened door but saw nobody. To his surprise， there was a parcel on the floor. He took it in and opened it. Ana also looked at the parcel. How amazing！ It was the new doll that Ana wanted， as well as a note which said “A gift by the love between brother and sister. Happy birthday！”

【点评6】

此文的设计有起有伏，尤其是后半部分还有些意外。字数明显偏多，多达243字。最好能删去一些不太相关的话语，或尽量采用简练的句式表达。

语法问题还是不能完全避免，如“Having knew Ana liked the new doll instead of the cake”（应该为“Having known”）；“with a big smile in one’s face”（应改为“on their face”）；“A gift by the love”（应改为“for the love”）；一旦简单的语法问题出错，就容易“露怯”，显得整体语言和文字的水平不高。所以高中教师在对学生进行训练的时候，要反复强调基本语法问题不能犯，要求学生能自行校正纠错。此文的语言表达和句式结构使用情况也不甚理想，虽然理解没有问题，总体也算连贯。

此习作应该可以打在第三档，即11～15分区间。

学生习作7

On the way back to town， Bebeto began to worry that the other boys might already have sold or traded their mangoes with Zulma. When finally reaching Zulma’s Presentes， Bebeto just rushed in， out of breath. The owner of the store looked at him with a curious look. On hearing Bebeto’s explanation， the owner opened the bag to check the mangoes. To Bebeto’s disappointment， they’re not enough to exchange a lovely doll. He walked out with tears rolling down his face when he met the other boys carrying bags of mangoes. Knowing Bebeto’s kindness， they decided to gather all their mangoes to give his sister a dream present.

The following morning， Ana walked into the kitchen and took a seat at the breakfast table. When subconsciously reaching out for a glass cup， she found a card saying “Look at the sofa.” Then she surprisingly saw the doll she had been dreaming of for a long time. When Bebeto said “Happy birthday”， Ana couldn’t help crying and clenched his hands tightly. Touched by the atmosphere， their parents sighed with pleasure， knowing their son was reliable enough to take care of his sister. Wealth isn’t always where happiness comes from， and love is something that really counts.

【点评7】

这篇习作的亮点在最后一句，比较精彩，富有思想，扬升了整个短文。故事设计总体合理可信，语言表述比较流畅自然。除个别不太影响理解的词语用错（如“surprisingly”）以外，少见明显的语言问题。

该文应该可以打到第四档（上）或第五档（下），即20分左右。