我不要做哥哥的影子

2016-12-07张玲

新东方英语·中学版 2016年8期

张玲

"Wow， Mubeen is your brother？ He is such a smart kid！"

I was hoping this conversation wouldnt just be about my spectacular brother. But it was. My new 8th grade algebra teacher went on and on about how hardworking he was. It made me feel like she wouldnt think the same about me.

It got worse when I got to high school. In the beginning of freshman year， teachers would look at my last name and say， "Are you Mubeens sister？" with expectant smiles on their faces. My brother was known as the smartest kid.

Students said to me， "Your brother is a genius. Are you like him too？" I didnt know how to respond to that question. I am proud of my brother， but I was tired of people expecting me to be as smart as he is.

There are things that are different about us. He is better at math and sports； I am more creative and social. Im a more descriptive writer. I love to read and my brother only reads when its assigned for school.

We also have a lot in common： Were hardworking， honest， caring， serious and want to have a successful future not just for ourselves， but for our parents too. We get along well and he supports me.

But sometimes all the comments got to me1）. One day in the middle of freshman year I confronted2） my brother. He was sitting in his room and I pushed his door open hard so he would know how angry I was.

"Whats wrong？"

I wanted to scream， but I stayed calm. "Can you stop being so smart？ For me？ Everyone compares me to you."

"What？"

"Every teacher asks me if youre my brother because youre such a good student，" I said， imitating my teachers breathless voices.

"Come on， who cares what teachers say？" he said. "You know youre smart too." I knew he meant it but I was still angry. I slammed the door on the way out.

I want to be known as Shameera， not as Mubeens sister， or worse a female copy of him.

It was bad enough when my brother got top grades， but this year， he was valedictorian3） and also got accepted to Cornell University. That was a big deal for our high school. The school is new and small with only around 500 students so he was the first student to ever get into an Ivy League university.

My parents made it clear they expected the same from me. I get grades in the 90s， but I might decide that an Ivy League college isnt the best choice for me. Ive always wanted to become a doctor. Going to a college with a strong pre-med4） program is my priority， not whether or not its Ivy League. I havent discussed this with my parents because I think this might disappoint them.

In fact， I try to avoid conversations about school with my parents. How often can I hear， "Why cant you be like him？" I cant be like him because I am not him. There have been many times when I wanted to tell my mom to stop comparing me to Mubeen but Ive never said it. I dont think theyd be receptive.

At home I said to my brother， "Everyone was congratulating me today. But thats scaring me because now even when you leave your legend will live on in this school. Youre going to haunt me even when youre not here anymore." That made him laugh and he said， "Dont worry I wont haunt you. And Im sure youre going to be the second one from our school who will go to an Ivy League university."

Recently， I spoke to my global history teacher about how I dont like being compared to my brother all the time. She said， "To be honest， I think youre smarter than him. You participate more and youre more understanding." Whenever I remember these words， they make me happy.

This coming school year will be my first year of high school without my brother. I will finally have the chance to establish my own identity. Im looking forward to that.

I also started asking classmates to stop comparing us. I asked them to try and think of us as different human beings and not only as siblings who are close in age. Although the comparisons continue， theyve decreased5）. I feel less stressed and more appreciated as myself now. I also feel better because I spoke up. I havent done this with my parents yet， but now that I see how well other people responded， I think I will give it a try.

有一个优秀的哥哥是什么样的体验？也许你会为此感到自豪，但还有可能你会为此感到沮丧。因为无论走到哪里，总有人在你面前对你的哥哥赞不绝口，却对你的优秀视而不见，你就像哥哥的影子。这可真叫人郁闷。此时此刻，默默地忍受可不是什么好办法，大声反抗才是破除“魔咒”的出路。

“哇，木彬是你哥哥？他可真是个聪明的孩子！”

我心里希望这次对话不会只围绕我那引人注目的哥哥展开。但实际情况正是如此。教我八年级代数的新老师喋喋不休地说着我的哥哥有多么用功。这让我感觉她永远不会对我有同样的评价。

我上高中后，这种情况变得愈发糟糕了。高一刚开始，老师们都会看着我的姓说：“你是木彬的妹妹？”说话的同时脸上还挂着期许的笑容。我哥哥是这里公认的最聪明的孩子。

同学们和我说：“你哥哥是个天才。你也和他一样吗？”我不知道该如何回答这个问题。我为我的哥哥骄傲，但我厌倦了人们期望我和他一样聪明。

我和哥哥在很多方面都不同。他比较擅长数学和体育；而我则更有创造力，社交能力也更强。我更擅长进行描述性写作。我喜欢阅读，而我哥哥只有在学校布置了阅读作业时才读书。

我们也有很多共同点：我们都勤奋、诚实、有爱心、做事认真，并且都希望拥有一个成功的未来——不仅是为了我们自己，也是为了我们的父母。我们相处融洽，而且他很支持我。

但有时各种闲言碎语还是会让我难受。高一上了一半时，有一天，我向哥哥发飙了。当时他正坐在他的房间里，我用力推开门，好让他知道我有多生气。

“怎么了？”

我真想尖叫，但我保持了冷静。“你能别这么聪明吗？为我着想行吗？每个人都拿我和你比。”

“什么？”

“每个老师都问我你是不是我哥，因为你是个‘特别好的学生。”我模仿着老师激动得喘不上气的声音说。

“算了吧，谁在乎老师说的话啊？”他说，“你知道你也很聪明的。”我知道他是真心的，但我还是很生气，就摔门而出。

我希望大家认识我是因为我是莎米拉，而不是因为我是木彬的妹妹，或更糟的是，因为我是他的女版复制品。

每回我哥哥考高分就够让我压力山大的了，但今年，他还是在毕业典礼上致辞的优秀毕业生代表，而且还被康奈尔大学录取了。这对我们这所高中来说可是件大事儿。我们学校成立不久，规模很小，只有大概500名学生，因此他是我们学校首位被一所常春藤盟校录取的学生。

我的父母明确表示，他们对我有同样的期许。我各门功课的成绩都在90分以上，但我也有可能认定常春藤盟校并非是我最好的选择。我一直都想成为一名医生，因此我的首选是去拥有很强的医学院预科项目的大学，我才不管它是不是常春藤盟校之一。这件事我还没有和我的父母谈过，因为我觉得这可能会让他们失望。

事实上，我尽量避免和我的父母谈及关于学校的话题。因为我经常能听到他们说：“你怎么就不能像他一样呢？”我不能像哥哥一样，因为我不是他。有许多次我都想告诉妈妈别再拿我和木彬比了，但我从未说出口。我觉得他们不会接受我的想法。

在家里我对哥哥说：“今天每个人都祝贺我。但那让我很害怕，因为即使你现在毕业离校了，你的传奇故事还会在学校里流传。即便你已经不在这里了，我还是要继续活在你的阴影里。”这话让他大笑了起来，他说：“别担心，你不会活在我的阴影里的。而且我肯定你将会是咱们学校第二个考进常春藤盟校的人。”

最近，我和我的全球史老师谈起我是多么不喜欢一直被拿来和我哥哥做比较。她说：“说实话，我觉得你比他更聪明。你更愿意参与，而且你更善解人意。”无论何时我想起这些话，我都觉得很开心。

接下来的这一学年将是我高中生涯里没有哥哥在的第一年。我终于有机会建立属于我自己的身份了，对此我充满期待。

我还开始告诉班上的同学们不要再拿我们两个比来比去了。我让他们试着把我们当做不同的人来看待，而不只是年龄相近的两兄妹。虽然人们还在拿我俩做比较，但现在已经减少了。我觉得压力没那么大了，也更加喜欢现在的自己。我说出了自己的想法，这也让我感觉好多了。我还没有对我父母说过，但既然我看见其他人对此反应不错，我想我会试一试的。

A Female Copy 一个女版的复制品

More Pressure 压力更大

1. get to sb.：让某人难受（或心烦）；给某人造成不利影响

2. confront [k?n?fr?nt] vt. 使对峙；对抗

3. valedictorian [?v?l?d?k?t??ri?n] n. （中学或大学毕业典礼上）致告别词的优秀毕业生

4. pre-med：（= premedical）医学院预科的

5. decrease [d??kri?s] v. 减少；减小；降低

美丽英文·人生百味

Beautiful English

My Own Identity属于我自己的身份

扫码听音频

1. frail [fre?l] adj. 虚弱的；体弱的