学生英语作文简析

学生英语作文简析

今年我市深入开展了“学习雷锋精神、共创文明城区”的活动。在3月5日的学雷锋纪念日这天，你的学校组织了志愿者去夕阳红敬老院开展“学雷锋、送温暖”活动。请将活动情况介绍给你的美国笔友Ben，与他分享你的美好经历。

Dear Ben,

Thank you for your last e-mail. Let me tell you what we did in our school on March 5th.

As soon as we got to Xiyanghong Nursing Home, people there gave us a warm welcome. We brought some fowers and fruits to the elderly people. We cleaned the windows and swept the foor for them. Then we sang and danced. How happy we were！ After that， we sat together chatting with each other and gave our best wishes to them. The elderly people were very excited.

When it was time for us to leave, they were grateful for our kindness. But I felt it’s our duty to care for the elderly people and to respect them.

If you have the chance to come to China, I hope you can join us.

Yours,

Meng Chen

山东省临沂市黄山中学 九年级1班 孟晨

本文内容丰富连贯，叙述清晰明了，是篇优秀的习作。文中运用了很多时间连接词，例如as soon as，then，after that，when it was time to……使活动过程更加紧凑流畅。另外，“gave us a warm welcome”“How happy we were!”“The elderly people were very excited.”等形象生动的描述让文章更加栩栩如生、丰富多彩。

指导教师： 张蒙蒙

Dear Ben,

Thank you for your last e-mail. Let me tell you what we did in our school on March 5th.

On that day, I went to Xiyanghong Nursing Home with other volunteers. We brought some fowers and fruits to the elderly. We helped them clean the house， then we chatted with them. We sang, danced and gave them our best wishes. The elderly people were so happy that they thanked us again and again. I think everyone should care for the elderly people and respect them.

If you have the chance to come to China, I hope y ou can join us.

Yours,

Xie Wenxiang

山东省临沂市黄山中学 九年级1班 谢文香

本文结构完整、要点齐全、语言准确无误，能够按照题目的要求完成写作任务。但文章显得过于平铺直叙，原因就是缺乏过渡性的词语和句子。如果能够像第一篇文章那样用一些表示连接的时间副词把句子给连起来，然后再加上一两句描写志愿者和老人心情的句子，文章就会生动很多。

指导教师：杜倩