别闹了，老妈

By+Pamela+Dell++李巧兰

"FOR PITY'S SAKE2）， students！" Principal Hogwobble slapped a fly swatter3） against the teacher's desk， trying to make himself heard above the classroom din4）. "Listen up—now！ I have important news！"

The hubbub5） in Dandelion's fourth-grade classroom lessened a bit but did not stop entirely. The morning had begun with no teacher in sight—the signal， of course， for a free-for-all6）.

"Mr. Moosehead will be out all week，" Principal Hogwobble went on， "so I've brought in an outstanding substitute teacher."

A wave of groans and hisses7） spread through the room. A boy named Weezer aimed his peashooter8） at the ceiling and let a big wad9） fly.

Dandelion smiled at her friend Beepdee. "Maybe we won't have any homework，" she said hopefully.

Beepdee was not as positive. "We'll have more，" she declared.

"I'm pleased to introduce，" Mr. Hogwobble was saying， "the brilliant Mrs. Pinkley！"

"What？！" Dandelion blurted10）， almost choking11）.

Weezer faced Dandelion and sneered12）， "Is that your mom， Dandel-Hoot？"

Dandelion's face flamed as her mother strode into the classroom playing her largest set of bagpipes13）. The class howled with laughter.

"Nooooo！" Dandelion moaned. "No， no， no！"

Mrs. Pinkley stopped playing and beamed at her daughter， who was slumped in14） her chair. "Surprise， my love！"

After Principal Hogwobble's speedy exit from the room， Dandelion's mom got to work. When she called roll， Weezer and his friends responded to their names with loud oinks15）. Next， Mrs. Pinkley had several students solve math problems at the board. With every correct answer， she blasted16） a short tune on the bagpipes， sending all but Dandelion into gales17） of laughter.

During their read-aloud session， Mrs. Pinkley demonstrated a Scottish brogue18）， causing fits19） of giggles and imitations in all but her scowling20） daughter. And just before lunch， she did the worst thing of all.

"Bravo， good students！" Mrs. Pinkley cheered. "Now， after lunch I invite you all to climb aboard our family vehicle to have a look-see21）. It's parked just outside in the lot， and I think you'll find it full of fun！ We call it—"

"Mom！" Dandelion shrieked， bolting22） out of her seat just as the bell rang. "Do not do this！" With that， she fled for the cafeteria.

"We call it the Burpmobile！" Mrs. Pinkley finished. The hubbub that followed sounded as if it were coming from a giant troop of chimpanzees gone crazy.

Dragging her feet as she entered the classroom that afternoon， Dandelion was overtaken23） by Weezer.

"Hey， Dandel-Hoot！" he snorted24）. "Your mother's a real kook25）！"

"She is not！" Dandelion retorted. But she groaned when she saw that Mrs. Pinkley was now wearing her glengarry26）， a boat-shaped Scottish hat. At every desk Mrs. Pinkley had placed a small cup of water， half a lemon， a spoon and a cotton swab27）. On the teacher's desk was a lamp with no shade， its bulb burning brightly.

"What is she doing？！" Dandelion whined28） to Beepdee. "And why？ Oh why， why， why！"

"Cuckoo29）-cuckoo！" Weezer sang in a high-pitched voice.

"Time for a special treat！" Mrs. Pinkley announced. "I'm going to let you in on30） a very useful secret. Everyone take out a piece of plain white paper， please."

A hush began to spread through the classroom as Mrs. Pinkley explained what they were about to do.

Following her directions， everyone squeezed a few drops of lemon juice into the water， stirred it and dipped a cotton swab into the mixture. Then each wrote a message on their paper with the cotton swab. But not a word appeared.

"Is this lame31） or what？" Weezer muttered. Secretly， Dandelion had to agree.

"Now！ Bring those papers up here and hold them close to this hot bulb，" Mrs. Pinkley instructed. One by one the students lined up and did so.

Miraculously32）， within a few minutes the messages began to appear on the papers.

"Wow！" someone said. "Invisible ink！"

"We can write secret notes！" exclaimed Beepdee.

Weezer started writing another message. When it dried， he handed it to Dandelion.

"For you！" he said， grinning.

Dandelion sighed and stuffed the paper in her pocket. She didn't feel like reading it with Weezer looking on.

But as soon as she got home， she took out the note and held it up to a hot light bulb. Soon， words began to appear： Your mother is very cool， it said. She rocks. Seriously.

Dandelion couldn't believe it and had to read the note over again. For the first time all day， she smiled. Maybe the coming week wouldn't be so bad after all.

“拜托了，同学们！”奥德沃贝校长用苍蝇拍拍打着讲台，试图让自己的声音盖过教室里的喧闹声。“现在，听我说！我有重要消息要宣布！”

丹德莉昂所在的四年级教室里喧闹声低了点儿，但并没有完全消停。打从早上开始，就没看见老师的身影——这无疑是课堂秩序要大乱的信号。

“穆斯黑德老师这一周都要外出，”奥德沃贝校长继续说道，“所以我请来了一位非常优秀的代课老师。”

一阵抱怨声和起哄声在教室里蔓延开来。一个名叫威瑟尔的男孩将他的射豆玩具枪瞄准天花板，接着把枪里的一大块弹塞打飞了出去。

丹德莉昂冲她的朋友比普迪笑了笑。“也许我们这周不会有作业了。”她满怀憧憬地说。

比普迪没有她那么乐观。“我们作业会更多的。”她斩钉截铁地说。

“我很高兴为大家介绍才华横溢的平克利女士！”奥德沃贝校长正说着。

“什么？！”丹德莉昂脱口而出，差点呛着自己。

威瑟尔朝着丹德莉昂讥讽道：“那是你妈妈吧，丹德-糊涂？”

当丹德莉昂的妈妈一边吹着她那支最大的风笛一边大步走进教室时，丹德莉昂的脸一下子红了。教室里爆发出一阵哈哈大笑声。

“天哪！”丹德莉昂抱怨道，“不，不，不！”

平克利老师停止吹奏，朝女儿微微一笑，“没想到吧，亲爱的！”而她的女儿此时已经瘫坐在椅子上了。

奥德沃贝校长迅速撤离了教室，随后丹德莉昂的妈妈就开始上课了。在她点名时，威瑟尔和他的朋友们都用响亮的呼噜声来答“到”。接着，平克利老师让几名同学到黑板前解答数学题。他们每做对一道题，她就用风笛吹一声短调，惹得除了丹德莉昂以外的所有人爆发出阵阵笑声。

在朗读课上，平克利老师示范了苏格兰土腔，除了她那眉头紧皱的女儿，所有同学都被逗得咯咯直笑，还跟着模仿。就在午饭之前，她做了一件最糟糕的事情。

“太棒了，同学们！”平克利老师高兴地说，“好了，午饭后我邀请你们所有人去我们家车上看看！车就停在外面的停车场里，我想你们会发现它好玩极了！我们把它叫做——”

“妈妈！”丹德莉昂从座位上跳了起来，尖声喊道，就在这时，下课铃响了。“别这么做！”说完，丹德莉昂就立刻逃向餐厅。

“我们叫它‘打嗝车！”平克利老师把她的话接着说完。教室随之陷入一片嘈杂声中，听起来就好像是一大群发了疯的黑猩猩发出的。

那天下午，就在丹德莉昂磨磨蹭蹭地走进教室时，威瑟尔追上了她。

“嗨，丹德-糊涂！”他哼着鼻子说，“你妈妈真是个怪人！”

“她不是！”丹德莉昂反驳道。可在看到平克利老师头上此时戴着她那顶苏格兰船形便帽时，丹德莉昂只能低声叹息了。平克利老师已经在每张课桌上都放好了一小杯水、半个柠檬、一把勺子和一根棉签。讲台上则放着一盏没有灯罩的灯，灯泡点得雪亮。

“她在做什么？！”丹德莉昂低声和比普迪发着牢骚，“她为什么要这么做？唉，为什么，为什么，为什么！”

“咕咕—咕咕！” 威瑟尔提高嗓门唱了起来。

“下面是特别奉送时间！”平克利老师宣布，“我将给大家揭示一个非常有用的秘密。请每个人拿出一张干净 的白纸。”

在平克利老师解释接下来要做什么时，整个教室里开始变得寂静无声。

按照她的指示，每个人都挤了几滴柠檬汁到水里，搅动几下之后用棉签蘸了蘸混合后的液体。接下来，每个人用棉签在各自的纸上写了一段话。但纸上一个字也没有出现。

“这是在糊弄人呢，还是干吗？”威瑟尔小声嘀咕。丹德莉昂也不得不暗暗赞同。

“现在！把那些纸拿到讲台上来，将它们举到这盏发热的灯泡跟前。”平克利老师命令道。同学们排着队一个接一个走了上来，按照平克利老师说的去做了。

神奇的事情发生了，没用几分钟，那些话开始在纸上显现出来。

“哇！隐形墨水！”有个同学说。

“我们可以写秘密字条了！”比普迪激动地喊道。

威瑟尔开始写另一段话。字干了以后，他把它递给了丹德莉昂。

“给你的！”他笑嘻嘻地说。

丹德莉昂叹了口气，将纸塞进了自己兜里。她可不想在威瑟尔的注视中看这张字条。

但一到家，丹德莉昂就立刻把那张字条拿了出来，举到了一个发热的灯泡旁边。很快，上面的字就开始显现出来。字条上写着：你妈妈很酷！她帅爆了。真的。

丹德莉昂简直无法相信纸上写的内容，愣是把字条从头到尾又读了一遍。在这一整天里，她头一次笑了。或许，接下来的一周终究不会太糟。