幽默小故事

丁红艳

Half Dead

Sam cant swim. A few days ago he fell into the river. He called for help. A young man jumped into the water and pulled him out.

“That young man saved your life，” said his wife， “Shouldnt we give him a pound？”

“I was half dead when he pulled me out，” said Sam， “Give him 50 pence， dear.”

半死不活

萨姆不会游泳，几天前他掉到河里了，大喊救命。一位年轻小伙子跳到水里把他拉了上来。

“那位小伙子救了你的命，”他妻子说道：“难道我们不应该给他一英镑吗？”

“他把我拉上来时我已经半死不活了，”萨姆说：“亲爱的，给他50便士吧！”

I Didnt Notice

A man in the prison1 asked the new comer why he was sent there. The new comer answered. “I am out of luck， I think. A few days ago， I was walking in the street when I saw a piece of dirty rope. I thought nobody wanted it so I picked it up.”

“But it is not against the law to pick up a piece of rope and take it home！”

“I told you I had bad luck， didnt I？” the man sighed2， “The trouble is that I didnt notice there was a horse at the other end of that rope.”

我没注意

监狱里，一个人问新来的犯人为什么被关进来。新来的犯人说：“我想我真是倒霉。几天前，我在街上走的时候，看到一根脏绳子，以为没人要了，便捡了起来。”

“但是捡根绳子带回家并不犯法啊！”

“我没告诉过你我有多倒霉吗？”那个人叹气说道，“问题是我没有注意到绳子的另一端拴着一匹马。”

Stupid Question

Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Every day thousands of people passed his door， and many people stopped and asked him， “Whats the time， please？”

After a few months， Dan said to himself， “Im not going to answer all those stupid people any more. Im going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here.” Then he did so.

“Now people arent going to stop and ask me the time.” he thought happily. But after that， a lot of people stopped， looked at the clock and then asked Dan， “Is that clock right？”

愚蠢的问题

丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口，而且许多人都会停下来问他：“请问现在几点？”

几个月后，丹对自己说：“我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了，我要去买一只大钟，把它挂在这儿的墙上。”于是他买了一只钟，把它挂在墙上。

“现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。”他高兴地想。可是从那以后，每天仍有许多人停下来，看看钟，然后问丹：“这钟准吗？”

Coincidence3

A woman was singing. One of the guests turned to a man by his side and shouted at the singer. “What a terrible voice！” And then he asked. “Do you know who she is？”

“Yes，” was the answer， “She is my wife.”

“Oh， I beg your pardon，” the man said， “Of course her voice is not bad， but the song is really bad. I wonder who wrote the awful song.”

“I did，” the man answered.

巧合

一位女子正在唱歌，一位客人转向他身旁的男子吼道：“什么破嗓子！”接着问道：“你知道她是谁吗？”

“知道，她是我妻子。”那人答道。

“噢，实在对不起。”客人说：“其实她的嗓子还是不错的，只是这首歌太差劲了。也不知是谁写了这样糟糕的歌。”

“我写的。”那人答道。

The Broom4 Seller and the Barber5

A man who sold brooms went into a barbers shop to get shaved6. The barber bought one of his brooms， and， when he had shaved him， asked for the price of it.

“Two pence，” said the man.

“No， no，” said the barber， “I will give you a penny， and if you do not think that enough， you may take your broom again.”

The man took it， and asked what he had to pay for his shave.

“A penny，” said the barber.

“I will give you a half-penny， and if that is not enough， you may put my beard on again.”

卖扫帚的人和理发师

一个卖扫帚的人去一家理发店刮胡子。理发师向他买了一把扫帚。当理发师给他弄完后，问了一下扫帚的价钱。

卖扫帚的人说：“两便士。”

“不，不，”理发师说，“我只出一便士。如果你认为不够的话，可以把扫帚拿回去。”

卖扫帚的人取回了扫帚，随后问刮胡子要付多少钱。

理发师说：“一便士。”

卖扫帚的人说：“我只能给你半个便士，如果你认为不够的话，你可以把胡子再替我装上。”