GAME OF GUANXI

Text by Lena Gidwani Photo by CFP Translation by Emma Xu

GAME OF GUANXI

Text by Lena Gidwani Photo by CFP Translation by Emma Xu

For most people around the world, building a relationship seems pretty straightforward. You introduce yourself, exchange niceties and name cards, talk in depth about your experiences and find something to connect about. Right?

Wrong.

In China, it isn't quite so straightforward. To draw an analogy, just think of it like a scene from HBO's Game of Thrones. The alluring characters are all entrenched in strategic alliances and nothing (or no one) can be taken at face value. So maybe this is a tad exaggerated, but much of what goes on the show is akin to what it takes to building personal and business relationships and connections in China, just without the super fluous gore or shock value.

In the Middle Kingdom, once you have established a relationship with somebody else, there is seen - within certain limits - to be a moral and social obligation to maintain it through mutual backscratching. Figuratively speaking, of course. This is called guanxi, a Chinese term that surprisingly appears to defy simple and directtranslation into English. It is born from the union of two Chinese characters: Guan, meaning a gate or hurdle, and Xi, meaning a relationship or connection. So guanxi, rather lyrically, can be interpreted into English as 'pass the hurdle and get connected'. Interesting, isn't it? It affects all forms and types of relationships, from your family members, business partners and even neighbors and those in and round your neck of the woods. If you have good guanxi, you are more likely to command more respect and make things happen for yourself, as it is the key needed to opening doors that are otherwise closed. Just Imagine this. You've been asked to complete a difficult task and to complete it, you need help from a friend. You ask him and he immediately runs to your rescue. You become a hero at work and soon, you get that much-deserved promotion. A few weeks later, said friend calls you with an emergency; he's in an urgent meeting that he simply cannot get out of. He needs you to take his ailing mother to the clinic for her annual check-up. You can't say no, so you drop everything and do it. After all, he did help you get that promotion…

Guanxi also affects mianzi, or 'face'. From a Western perspective, it is tough to fully understand and appreciate just how sign ificant the role of face is. An Asian scholar named Ting-Toomey best described it as, "a strategy that protect the individual's role in the guanxi network, preserving individual identity, self-respect and social status." Simply put, it's the avoidance of looking bad in public, to save one's reputation and build credibility.

Together, guanxi and mianzi are a marriage that must work; failure to respect and utilize these two important concepts can cause relationships to slowly fall apart. Now if you're thinking about your colleague's ailing mother, don't. She's as fit as a fiddle. And your colleague? Let's just say you saved him from loosing face and being called a 'Mama's boy' during the meeting. And this, my friend, is what we do for each other in China.

COLUMNIST’S PROFILE

Lena Gidwani is a resident of Guangzhou for 13 years, selfconfessed networker, magazine editor and an avid writer. Lena Gidwani，网络工作者、杂志编辑、作家，在广州居住13年。

关系的游戏

世上大多数人与他人交往的方式都很直接：先自我介绍，再交换名片，最后深入聊聊个人经历、找找共同点就行了。此法放之四海皆准？

错。

在中国，可不这么直接。打个比方，就像《权力的游戏》里演的，只有结成战略联盟才能收获友谊；纯粹点头之交，情与利都没你份。也许有点夸张，但剧中的联盟与在中国建立人际关系确有异曲同工之处。

一旦你在中国与他人结识后，想维持来往，就有义务互利互惠。中国话里叫“关系”，“关”有障碍的含义，“系”指联系。这个词可以解释为“跨越障碍、取得联系”。关系所指的范围很广，可以包含家人、商业伙伴甚至邻居、路人之间的关联。你的关系越“硬”，获得的尊敬越多，办事也更容易。试想，你需要朋友帮忙完成一项很难的任务，求助后，他二话不说帮了你。任务完成得顺风顺水，你也顺理成章地升职了。不久，这位朋友有急事来求你，他因开会脱不开身，想请你带他母亲去医院看病。你可不能拒绝，而是要马上放下手头一切事情去帮他。毕竟，他帮你升了职。

关系会影响到面子。要从西方视角来全面理解面子的重要性比较难。简单点说，保住面子就是避免在公众场合出糗，保护好个人尊严、建立信誉。

不能好好处理关系、顾全面子可能会让人际关系土崩瓦解。