作文优化六大原则

龚磊 陈慈明

首先让我们来看一道作文题：

假定你是李华，暑期时间到尼泊尔（Nepal）参假国际志愿者支教活动，请用英文给国际志愿者组织网站www.volunteerheq.org写信介绍支教情况。主要内容包括：

1. 担任化学教师，实验课让同学们了解了很多神秘的现象；

2. 尽管当地没有电，也没有自来水，没有课本，但是你适应了艰苦的生活条件；

3. 支教活动让你收益，让你更懂得理解和帮助别人；

4. 号召更多的同学参加志愿者活动。

注意：1. 词数不少于100；

2. 书信格式及开头均已给出；

3. 适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。

请同学们比较以下两篇作文：

Dear Sir and Madam，

Im a high school student from China， I worked as a volunteer teacher in Chemistry in Nepal during this summer vacation. This experience made me learn about the local life in Nepal. Now， Im writing this e-mail to show you my unforgettable experience there.

Although there is no tap water， electricity or textbooks， I managed to adapt myself to the poor living conditions and teaching. Im proud that I taught some useful knowledge in my chemistry experiment lessons. In fact， my voluntary job not only rewarded the local people but also improved myself. It has helped me understand the meaning of helping the others in need.

The voluntary job has benefited me a lot， so I call on more and more students to join in this activity and more voluntary activities should be organized by www.volunteerheq.org.

Im looking forward to sharing more voluntary experiences.

Yours，

LiHua

Dear Sir and Madam，

Im a high school student from China， Its a privilege for me to serve as a volunteer teacher in Chemistry in Nepal during this summer vacation. Honestly speaking， this impressive experience made it possible for me to learn about the local life in Nepal in the flesh. Now， Im writing the E-mail to picture my unforgettable life there.

Faced with the fact that there is no rap water， electricity or even no textbooks， I managed to adapt myself to the poor living and teaching conditions. Actually， what made me proud was that I introduced them to some practical problems in my chemistry experiment lesson， which used to be mysteries to the local students. Their thrilled and amazed expressions will never fade away from my memory. In reality， not only did my voluntary job reward the local people but also improved myself， which is what people say “mutual progress”. Moreover， it has promoted my awareness and understanding of assisting the others in need. Accordingly， I also have a better understanding of the saying： Rose given， fragrance in hand.

The voluntary job has benefited me a lot， and therefore I advocate that more and more students should participate in this career and more voluntary activities be organized by www.volunteerheq.org.

Im looking forward to sharing some more voluntary experiences.

Yours

Li Hua

通过对比，同学们可以明显发现修改后的第二篇文章涵盖的要点更全面，语言更地道、流畅。那我们要如何做到这一点呢？笔者认为，我们在写作中遵循以下几条原则，能够让作文质量快速提升，抓住阅卷老师的眼球：

1. 小词语原则。所谓小词语原则，就是少用那些空泛的大词，如一说到“好”就是nice， good等，多用能表达特定意义的小词（高级词汇）。意义范围越小，词语越高级，表达意义也就越准确。如表达“美丽的”时候，fantastic，superb， awesome， impressive， breathtaking， spectacular， splendid都是不错的选择。而学会灵活地使用不同词语来表达同一含义，也会让你的文章更高级。如下例：

有人对林书豪（Jeremy Lin）的未来发展进行了一项社会调查。请你根据调查结果写一篇150 词的英语短文：

[为什么能成功？＼&有人认为是因为勤奋；

有人认为是因为天赋；

有人认为是因为教育；

有人认为是因为运气。＼&是否会超越姚明？＼&你的观点及理由。＼&]

这篇书面表达的一大难点在于用不同词语表达“有人认为是因为勤奋；有人认为是因为天赋；有人认为是因为教育；有人认为是因为运气。”我们来回顾一下表达同一个意思的不同表达方式：

有人认为 Some people think/consider/argue ... its believed that ...

因为 because of/owing to/due to/on account of ... because ...

例文 Some people think he is successful owing to his hard work. However， Some people consider his talent as a main factor of his success. And its also believed that the good education he has received leads to his success. But some people argue that he has achieved success just because he is lucky.

2. 巧用特殊句式原则。英语中的有不少漂亮的句式结构，如强调句，倒装句，双重否定句等。恰当使用这些句式，能够让文章气场强大，脱颖而出。按照句式不同，以下一个顺口溜可以帮助同学们快速记住使用这些帅呆了的“靓句”。

（1）肯定不如双否好

You can pass the exam with effort.

→You cant pass the exam without effort.

（2）主动不如被动高

Some people say this kind of milk contains different levels of nutrients.

→Some people say different levels of nutrients are contained in this kind of milk.

（3）陈述不如倒装巧

Su not only said many mean words to Li but also he shouted at the top of his voice.

→Not only did Su say many mean words to Li but also he shouted at the top of his voice.

（4）单句不如复句妙

Su Hua and Li Jiang played basketball on the playground. They both jumped up to catch the flying ball.

→Su Hua and Li Jiang were playing basketball on the playground when they both jumped up to catch the flying ball.

（5）从句不如短句傲

After I finished my homework， I often relaxed myself by playing computer games.

→Having finished my homework， I often relaxed myself by playing computer games.

注意以上句式使用要根据实际需要选用，使用时要与上下文协调。不可盲目堆砌。

3. 长短句交替原则。在写作当中，交替使用长短句、简单句和复合句，可以使句子读起来朗朗上口，看上去错落有致，可以提升文章的节奏感和可读性，而多样化的句式能够显示出作者较强的语言基本功，达到提升作文档次的目的。如下面这篇根据2015年新课标Ⅰ卷作文题所写的作文：

Dear Peter，

Recently，in order to broaden our horizons， our school newspaper， which is very popular among us students， will start a column about western life and culture. We are in great need of such articles. Thats why Im writing to you.

The “foreign cultures” section carries articles written by foreign friends about the cultures of their countries. And we would especially welcome articles about the life of Americans senior-high and how Americans spend their holidays as well as festivals. In addition， you can introduce a western festival， such as Christmas， the Independence Day and so on. In a word， you can write anything relevant so long as its is interesting and informative. Whats more， your article should be at least 400 words. I would appreciate it if you could send it to us before June 28th， so that it can be published in time.

Looking forward to your replay.

Yours

Li Hua

本篇习作除注意到使用诸如broaden ones horizons， in great need of等短语，从词语搭配上提高层次外，在句子搭配上也颇费心思。如开头一句Recently，in order to broaden our horizons， our school newspaper， which is very popular among us students， will start a column about western life and culture.”将副词、目的状语、定语从句等有机结合起来，读起来朗朗上口；再如文章结尾Whats more， your article should be at least 400 words. I would appreciate it if you could send it to us before June 28th， so that it can be published in time. 采用简单句加固定句式would appreciate it if ... 以及so that ... 从句的方式，可以算是“闪亮收官”。

4. 衔接紧凑原则。英语作文中，句与句、段与段之间，缺少必要的衔接词语会使文章显得结构松散，前后关系不清，影响文章的流畅性和完整性。根据英语衔接词的特点，我们可以重点掌握一些，并常换常新，如以下一些衔接词：

起 first of all， to begin/start with， in the first place， first and foremost ...

承 second（ly）， furthermore， moreover， whats more， in addition， besides ...

转 but， however， on the contrary， nonetheless， in contrast/comparison， nevertheless ...

合 hence， therefore， in conclusion， to conclude， in a word， last but not least ...

插入语 that is to say， to a certain extent， to some degree， as a matter of fact ...

下面这篇短文便是恰如其分地使用衔接词的一个典范：

Nowadays， many students are puzzled by a problem， that is， how could we improve the composition？ Here are my suggestions.

First of all， we should accumulate as many advanced words as possible. Secondly， applying them to our composition properly. However， that doesnt mean we should always adopt the same word. Sometimes， using diverse words to express the same meaning can brighten our composition.

Besides， some advanced sentences are necessary. But some students think the more advanced sentences， the better. Thats not ture. Only by combining various sentence patterns appropriately can we create excellent compositions.

In a word， making use of “cohesion” is essential. Last but not least， practice makes perfect！

5. 活用格言习语原则。在英语写作当中，使用与文章主题相一致的名人名言习语、谚语，亦或是发人深省的哲理警句，往往对文章起着画龙点睛的作用。如以下作文片段：

Our future is determined by many things， such as opportunities and help from others， but our own attitude， determination and hard work play the most important role. Were the master of our own future. Just as the saying goes， “God helps those who help themselves.”

6. 整洁分段原则。为使文章条理清晰，文章应有明确的段落划分。高考作文一般分成三到四段即可。落实到书面上，则要求书写整齐美观，卷面整洁，给阅卷老师留下好的第一印象。

总而言之，优秀作文的产生在于平时的日积月累和有效的写作方法。而以上几条原则，可有效提升作文档次，令你取得满意的考试成绩。