短文习作：表达观点类

廖英

试题呈现 2013与2014年《爸爸去哪儿》的大热引发了人们对于亲子话题的关注。其中孩子的教育在古今中外都是一个永恒的话题。英语中有句谚语“Spare the rod， spoil your child.”这句话在汉语中的意思是“孩子不打不成器。”请就此说法，结合生活中的事例，写一篇不少于120字的文章，谈谈你对家庭教育的看法。

审题点拨 此试题将时下流行的话题与学生的生活连接在一起，具有很强的时效性和亲近感。对于“孩子不打不成器”这一观点同学们可赞成亦可反对，只要结合具体的事例加以言之有理的论述即可。在具体行文中，同学们可第一段引入话题并直接阐明自己的观点，第二段结合事例论证观点，最后一段总结全文并再次重申自己的观点。行文中一定要确保观点明确。

习作一

As the saying goes， “Spare the rod， spoil your child.” Most of parents think it is a privilege to punish child， but it is harmful to childrens health. Family education should be given rice to concern.

When I was a child， I was too active to do something terrible. First of all， my mother often talked with me， but I didnt attach importance to it. Then I made the same mistake again. My father was too angry that he punished me severely. I was very sad and crying for a long time. Then I reduse talking with him and didnt eat food to show my resistance. And my parents apologized to me. Then they thought educating child need to talk more with them rather than punishing.

Now I am outstanding and live happy.

这是一篇中档习作。其优点是：

1. 要点基本齐全，观点明确，结构清晰。

2. 活学活用了高中阶段的一些考纲词汇，如：privilege， resistance， severely。此外，作者也恰到好处的使用了一些短语，如attach importance to， apologize to sb， be harmful to。

3. 善于运用逻辑衔接词过渡。如：as the saying goes， first of all， then。

不足之处有：

1. 个别单词、短语拼写或表达有误。如Then I reduse talking with him可改为I was reluctant to talk with him。同样，should be given rice to concern应改为should be given proper concern。I was too active to do something terrible中too... to...表示“太……而不能……”，应改为I was so active and naughty that I always did something terrible.

2. 个别逻辑词选用不当。first of all多用在表达观点而非陈述事情的发展的顺序上，可改成at first。then出现了三次，有重复之嫌，可换成其他递进词，如later， gradually， next等，让表达更富多样性。

3. 最后一段的内容有待充实。可添加一些语句以强调父母教育方式改变给自己带来的重要影响，如Thanks to their shift of education methods and their awareness of the importance of communication， now I am outstanding and live a happy life.

习作二

Most people who reach the peak of their careers are well-educated by parents. The family education is a decisive factor for success， which can help children know the world more appropriately. As for the saying， “Spare the rod， spoil your child.” I do approve of this conventional view to some degree. Strict family education is of great importance to pave the way for a childs growth and success.

When it comes to strict family education， a distinguished musician—Lang Langs story vividly stand out in my memory. His parents being very strict， he just had to practice playing the piano from day to night. Not only could he spare no time for his other hobbies， but also he couldnt get a long rest utterly. After having adjusted to those unbelievable harsh rules， his efforts gradually began to bear fruits. With a chance of performance captured by him， his talent is ultimately recognized. So remarkable is his work that everyone just shows great respect to him. He owes his great achievement to his parents education. Though it might seem to be out of place， it turned out to take effect for him.

Overall， we cant ignore the importance of strict family education. There being twists and turns in life， we must let children know it.

这是一篇高档习作，属于正方观点。其优点是：

1. 此文结构清晰，首尾呼应，观点明确。作者在首段陈述观点I do approve of this conventional view to some degree.在末段又再次重申观点：we cant ignore the importance of strict family education.

2. 文章衔接过渡自然，层次分明。恰到好处的衔接让文章逻辑更为清晰。

3. 此文非常有文采。一方面，文中使用的词汇非常丰富，另一方面，文中也运用了许多高级句式，句型结构变化多样，如文中出现了两个独立主格结构和部分倒装。

习作三

It seems that strict education is world-widely accepted， which most parents think is the best approach to keeping their children from bad behavior. As far as Im concerned， only by taking good advantage of sincere love and wise communication can education really works well.

Allowing for my interest and happiness， my mother never forced me to do things that I was not interested in， but encouraged me to engage myself in what I was fond of. It was immediately that she bought me a violin when I said I loved music. There was a time when I tended to give up playing the violin， but my mother cheered me up and told me the importance of sticking to my goal. Rather than scold me severely， she always communicated with me equally， from which I learned something I would never forget.

It is love and respect that play a vitally important role in education. Seldom does punishment teach children how to behave correctly， but can hurt their hearts. So， the education of love is the permanent topic which we should focus more on.

这也是一篇高档习作，属于反方观点。其优点是：

1. 文章要点齐全，行文流畅，层次分明。

2. 语言精练、准确，长短句结合，给人抑扬顿挫之美感。此外，在句式上，作者善用了一些固定句式，使文章显得“高级”。

3. 作者善于强调句和倒装句强调自己观点。如第一段的倒装句only by taking good advantage of sincere love and wise communication can education really works well. 和第二段的强调句It was immediately that she bought me a violin when I said I loved music.