How to Be More Interesting When Meeting New People

By Alan Henry

You might think that being interesting is an innate talent, or that it means you have to be the “life of the party.”1. innate: 先天的，与生俱来的；life of the party: 使大家快乐的人，社交场合的中心人物。Neither of those things are necessarily true. If you want to leave a good impression, you don’t have to make sure all eyes are on you. Here are some tips anyone can use in any social setting.

First, You Have to Show Up2. show up: 露面，出现。

Even the most misanthropic of us and those of us with the least selfesteem can be interesting when we get going on a topic we’re passionate about, or we’re talking to someone we genuinely find interesting.3. 即使是我们当中最不合群或是不怎么自信的人，在谈论自己热衷的话题或者和自己觉得有意思的人谈话时，整个人也会变得有趣起来。misanthropic: 不愿与人来往的；passionate: 热情的。The key is to find those great conversations and let the interest come naturally without having to force it. To do that though, you’re going to have to break out of your comfort zone for a while.4. break out: 摆脱（处境、常规）；comfort zone: 使人感到安全、舒服或在其掌控之下的状态。

The first thing you’ll have to do, obviously, is show up and talk to people. On a recent episode of “The Splendid Table”5. “The Splendid Table”: 美国大众媒体上的一档播客节目。, author Jessica Hagy (who wrote the book on being interesting—literally, How to Be Interesting) said that the first thing you have to do is actually show up, which can be enough of a challenge for a many of us:

很多人都有这样的体验，在走进一间充满陌生人的房间，或是与不熟悉的人碰面时，在心里对自己说的最多的一句话就是“该怎么打破僵局，交到朋友？”而独处的时候，有时又会突然想到：“啊，那天我很唐突地说了那样一句话”，真是恨不得咬掉自己的舌头。怎样避免这种尴尬呢？不要急，现在我们教你几招“巧言秘笈”，包你以后无论在职场上，在派对中，还是在朋友身边，都可以游刃有余，轻松应付。

“You can show up basically as an observer of other interesting people and let that be a learning experience for you, or you can show up and be a little bit more of the life of the party. But the main thing is to show up.”

“The first step is to go exploring—if you’re out of your comfort zone, if you’re wandering into somebody’s house for the first time—that’s one step in and of itself.”

Hagy doesn’t mean rummaging through your host’s medicine cabinet, closet or drawers.6. rummage: 翻找，搜出；medicine cabinet:医药箱。She means be adventurous, try different foods, engage strangers in conversation7. engage sb. in conversation:使某人参加谈话。.

“Be prepared to have awkward conversations with strangers, because good conversation is a little bit like coaxing a feral cat out of a drain pipe,8. 做好和陌生人进行尴尬对话的准备，因为顺畅的谈话就像把一只野猫诱哄出排水管一样不容易。coax: 诱哄； feral:野生的；drain pipe:排水管。” she says.“You need bait, you need something to talk about, you need to be perceived as nonthreatening, and you need to prepare yourself to be hissed at.”9. bait: 诱饵；be perceived as: 被认为是；hiss: 发出嘘声。

Hagy’s description is pretty apt. While no one is going to actually hiss at you,social situations carry enormous stress, and even those people who do well in them can struggle in a room full of people they don’t know. Whether you’re there with one or two people you know, or don’t know anyone else in the room, your first step is to just show up.

Be a Good Observer and a Great Listener

Remember, being “interesting” doesn’t mean you left the biggest impression, or you’re the one telling the story that everyone is enraptured10. enrapture: 使着迷，使狂喜。by. It just means that you leave a good impression on the people you interact with, and in turn, those people had a good conversation with you. Bring the bar down—not everyone at a party has to be the “life” of it.

Make a circuit11. make a circuit: 环行一周。of the room, or if it’s a dinner party, try something new or interesting on the table that you’ve never tried before. As Hagy mentioned, stepping out of your comfort zone may be tough, but it instantly gives you something to talk about should you need to. Your first goal is to be an observer of people you find interesting. When you find them and engage them, you’re almost sure to be interesting yourself.

Before you start talking though, it’s important to just listen, even if you fancy yourself a good storyteller.12. fancy oneself (as) : 认为自己是……。If you approach a group of people who are already discussing a topic, watch their body language and see if they reposition themselves to open their conversation to you and give you a place to stand. If they don’t, move on.If they do, just listen for a while and let the conversation flow naturally. If you have an opportunity to say something, go for it, but don’t manufacture13. manufacture: 捏造。a reason. The best part of “small talk” is getting past the “small” entirely. The first step to that is to listen to people’s stories, and learning to ask them questions based on the things they’ve said. Plus, if you’re the type of person where just showing up and being around people is draining14. draining: 精疲力尽的。enough, listening is a good way to participate without spending your precious, precious willpower.

Go In With a (Flexible) Plan

Make a mental game plan of conversation starters and prompts that will serve you well.15. game plan: 策略，致胜战术；prompt: 推进。You don’t want to script conversations before you go out, but you should keep a couple of things in your pocket to keep the conversation going, or questions to ask if it stalls out.16. 你肯定不会在出去聚会前就写好谈话的脚本，但是你应该为了让谈话能顺利进行而稍作准备，或者准备几个在谈话停滞时可以问的问题。script: 写脚本；stall out: 停滞。Simple things like “How do you know the host?” and “How did you get here?” are always good conversation starters to a certain extent. The former is always a good opportunity to talk about your host and how the two of you know them, which can move into a solid17. solid: 连续的，不停顿的。conversation about other topics (work, school, hobbies, or whatever else comes up). Hagy specifically suggests the latter though as a way to talk not so much about the trip itself, but where the other person is from, what part of town, where they’re staying if they’re in from out of town, and so on.

Remember, your goal in those early parts of the conversation are to turn your so-called “small talk” into real conversations without the “small” part. It’s not hard—just don’t get caught up in filling every gap with a question, and don’t be afraid of silence. A little interest goes a long way. While we’ve mentioned steering clear of18. steer clear of: 避开，绕开。the classic “So what do you do?” question in the past, sometimes it’s appropriate, especially if it’s a professional gathering or one where you’re curious about others’ line of work. If you just had a great discussion on climate with someone at a party, learning they’re a climatologist19. climatologist: 气候学家。can open the door to even more interesting discussions.

Don’t Fear Silence, Save the Day Instead

Awkward silences are part of conversing with people. Don’t be afraid of them, or rush to fill them. If there’s a pause or a lull in the conversation, let it run its course.20. lull: 暂停，间歇；run its course: 按常规发展。If you want to disengage21. disengage: 解脱，摆脱。, a lull is always a good time to stop by the bar or grab a drink.If you want, offer to bring one back for the person you were speaking with. Otherwise,just say you’re going to grab another drink or something to eat, and find another group to converse with. If you do want to keep the conversation going though, Hagy offers one trick that’s near foolproof22. foolproof: 极简单的。, especially at smaller gatherings like dinner parties:

“If you’re faced with an awkward silence at a dinner party, the only thing that always gets everyone murmuring23. murmur: 低声说。and talking again is to give the host a compliment,” Hagy says. “He or she is the person who is feeling the weight of that awkwardness the most.Just quickly turn around and say, ‘This souf fle24. souf fle: 蛋奶酥，一种法式甜点。is magnificent and you have to tell me all about it.’”

She’s right—in small gatherings, you may think that silence is awkward, but it’s the host that’s sweating bullets, hoping someone will say something that’ll get the room talking again.25. 她是对的。在小型聚会上，你可能会觉得沉默令人尴尬，但聚会的发起者却会感到焦虑，希望有人能说些什么，让房间里的人重新开始交谈。sweating bullets: 非常担心，很焦急。Saving the day with a compliment—especially one that leads into a discussion—doesn’t just get the conversation going again, it certainly makes you the memorable one (in a good way, of course.)

Relax, It’s Just a Good Time

If you catch yourself struggling to keep a conversation going, or wondering what you should say next, or overthinking the entire affair and stressing out26. stress out: 过度劳累，紧张。, take a few deep breaths and relax. Remember what we said about leaving your comfort zone—it’s a departure, and you need to come back to process your experiences and recharge. Grab a drink or a snack, find a secluded27. secluded: 隐蔽的。spot or somewhere out of the way, and take a little time to yourself. Give yourself a little time to clear your head, relax, and head back into the fray28. fray: 争论。.

After all, the most common awkward conversation mistakes usually come from overthinking or trying to say too much. Relax—it’s just a party. No one’s expecting you to keep it going, or keep everyone entertained. If someone’s interesting to you, great—keep talking to them. if they’re not, then excuse yourself and move on. If you can take the stress out of those social situations—even in your head—they become much easier to deal with. At the end of the night, you’ll head home, the whole thing will be over, and ideally you’ll have had a good time, but whatever happens, you’ll be just fine.