课程论文：你不爱写，我更不爱看

2014-09-12RebeccaSchuman

新东方英语 2014年9期

Rebecca+Schuman

Everybody in college hates papers. Students hate writing them so much that they buy， borrow， or steal them instead. Plagiarism is now so commonplace that if we flunked every kid who did it， wed have a worse attrition1） rate than a MOOC2）. And on those rare occasions undergrads do deign3） to compose their own essays， said exegetic4） masterpieces usually take them all of half an hour at 4 a.m. to write， and consist accordingly of “arguments” that are tangentially5） related to the coursework， font-manipulated to meet the minimum required page-count. Oh， “attitudes about cultures have changed over time？” Im so glad you let me know.

Nobody hates writing papers as much as college instructors hate grading papers （and no， having a robot do it is not the answer）. Students of the world： You think it wastes 45 minutes of your sexting6） time to pluck out three quotes from The Sun Also Rises7）， summarize the same four plot points 50 times until you hit Page 5， and then crap out a two-sentence conclusion？ It wastes 15 hours of my time to mark up my students flaccid8） theses and non sequitur9） textual “evidence，” not to mention abuse of the comma that should be punishable by some sort of law—all so that you can take a cursory10） glance at the grade and then chuck the paper forever.

Whats more， if your average college-goer does manage to read through her professors comments， she will likely view them as a grievous insult to her entire person， abject11） proof of how this cruel， unfeeling instructor hates her. That sliver12） of the student population that actually reads comments and wants to discuss them？ Theyre kids whose papers are good to begin with13）， and often obsessed with their GPAs. I guarantee you that every professor you know has given an A to a B paper just to keep a grade-grubber14） off her junk. （Not talking to you， current students！ Youre all magnificent， and going to be president someday. Please do not email me.）

When I was growing up， my mother—who， like me， was a “contingent” professor—would sequester15） herself for days to grade， emerging Medusa16）-haired and demanding of sympathy. But the older I got， the more that sympathy dissipated： “If you hate grading papers so much，” Id say， “theres an easy solution for that.” My mother， not to be trifled with17） when righteously indignant （that favored state of the professoriate）， would snap： “Its an English class. I cant not assign papers.”

Mom， friends， educators， and students： We dont have to assign papers， and we should stop. We need to admit that the required-course college essay is a failure. The baccalaureate is the new high-school diploma： abjectly necessary for any decent job in the cosmos. As such， students （and their parents） view college as professional training， an unpleasant necessity en route to that all-important “piece of paper.” Todays vocationally minded students view World Lit 101 as forced labor， an utter waste of their time that deserves neither engagement nor effort. So you know what else is a waste of time？ Grading these students effing18） papers. Its time to declare unconditional defeat.

Most students enter college barely able to string three sentences together—and they leave it that way， too. With protracted19） effort and a rhapsodically20） engaged instructor， some may learn to craft a clunky21） but competent essay somewhere along the way. But who cares？ My fellow humanists insist valiantly22） that （among other more elevated reasons） writing humanities papers leads to the crafting of sharp argumentative skills， and thus a lifetime of success in a number of fields in which we have no relevant experience. But my friends who actually work in such fields assure me that most of their colleagues are borderline-illiterate. After all， Mark Zuckerbergs pre-Facebook Friendster23） profile bragged “i dont read” （sic）， and look at him.

Of course it would be better for humanity if college in the United States actually required a semblance of adult writing competency. But I have tried everything. I held a workshop dedicated to avoiding vague introductions. The result was papers that started with two incoherent sentences that had nothing to do with each other. I tried removing the introduction and conclusion altogether， and asking for a three-paragraph mini essay with a specific argument—what I got read like One Direction24） fan fiction25）.

Ive graded drafts and assigned rewrites， and that helps the good students get better， but the bad students， the ones Im trying to help， just fail to turn in any drafts at all. Meanwhile， I come up for air and realize that with all this extra grading， Im making 75 cents an hour.

Im not calling for the end of all papers—just the end of papers in required courses. Some students actually like writing， and let those blessed young souls be English majors， and expound on George Eliot and Virginia Woolf to their hearts content26）， and grow up to become writers， huzzah. But for the common good， leave everyone else out of it.

Instead of essays， required humanities courses should return to old-school， hardcore exams， written and oral. You cannot bullshit a line-ID. Nor can you get away with only having read one page of the book when your professor is staring you down with a serious question. And best of all， oral exams barely need grading： If you dont know what youre talking about， it is immediately and readily manifest.

Plus， replacing papers with rigorous， old-school， St. Johns-style tribulations also addresses an issue humanities-haters love to belabor27）： Paper-grading is so subjective， and paper-writing so easy to fake， that this gives the humanities their unfortunate reputation as imprecise， feelings-centered disciplines where there are “no right answers.” So lets start requiring some right answers.

Sure， this quashes the shallow pretense of expecting undergraduates to engage in thoughtful analysis， but they have already proven that they will go to any lengths28） to avoid doing this. Call me a defeatist， but honestly Id be happy if a plurality of American college students could discern29） even the skeletal plot of anything they were assigned. With more exams and no papers， theyll at least have a shot at retaining， just for a short while， the basic facts of some of the greatest stories ever recorded. In that short while， they may even develop the tiniest inkling30） of what Martha Nussbaum31） calls “sympathetic imagination”—the cultivation of our own humanity， and something that unfolds when were touched by stories of people who are very much unlike us. And that， frankly， is more than any essay will ever do for them.

在大学里，人人都痛恨课程论文。学生们是那么讨厌写论文，于是转而去买论文、借论文或者盗用论文。现如今抄袭现象屡见不鲜，如果我们把每个抄袭的孩子都判为不及格，那我们的学生流失率会比大规模在线开放课程的还要高。而在某些罕见的情况下，本科生们的确会屈尊亲自撰写论文。这些评注性的杰作通常需要他们在凌晨四点花上整整半小时才能写完，因此其中的“论据”与课程作业相去甚远，字体也是调过的，就为了达到最低页数的要求。噢，“对待文化的态度已经随时代的变迁而改变了？”很高兴你让我了解到这一点。

没有谁对撰写论文的痛恨程度能比得上大学老师对批改论文的痛恨程度（不，让机器人来做这件事并不是解决办法）。全世界的学生们：你觉得自己从《太阳照常升起》中摘出三句话，把同样的四个情节要点总结50遍直到你凑够五页，然后再胡扯出两句话的结论浪费了45分钟发调情短信的时间，是吗？而我可要浪费自己15个小时的时间来批改学生们那站不住脚的论点和毫无逻辑的文本“论据”，更不用提逗号的滥用了，这种滥用应当受到某种法律的惩罚——所有这些就是为了让你们能草草看一眼分数，然后将论文抛开，再也不看一眼。

另外，如果一位普通大学生的确读完了其教授的评语，她可能会觉得这些评语是对她整个人的严重侮辱，彻底证明了这位残忍、无情的老师有多么讨厌她。那学生群体中那一小撮真的读评语并想就此进行一番讨论的人呢？这些孩子的论文本来就不错，而且他们往往非常看重自己的平均绩点。我向你保证，你认识的每一位教授都曾给一篇B等的论文打了A，就是为了让那些想得高分的学生远离她的办公室。（这话可不是对你们说的，现在的学生们！你们都很棒，总有一天会成为总统的。请不要给我发邮件。）

在我小时候，我妈妈——她像我一样，是个兼职教师——会连着几天足不出户批阅论文，出来时头发乱得像女妖美杜莎，真值得同情。但随着我年龄越来越大，这种同情日益消失了。“如果你这么讨厌批论文，”我会说，“倒是有一个简单的解决办法。”而我妈妈在义愤填膺时（这是老师们偏爱的一种状态）可不容小觑，她会厉声说道：“这是门英语课。我不能不布置课程论文。”

妈妈、朋友们、教师们，还有同学们：我们不见得非得布置课程论文，而且我们应该停止这么做。我们必须承认大学必修课的课程论文就是一种失败的做法。学士学位成了新式的高中文凭：要想在宇宙内找到任何一份像样的工作，这都是绝对必不可少的。如此一来，在学生（及其父母）眼中，大学就是职业训练，是在获得至关重要的“那张纸”的过程中不得不做的一件麻烦事。现如今，一心惦记着工作的学生们将“世界文学101”这门课视为强制性劳动，纯属浪费时间，不值得费心费力。而你知道还有什么事是在浪费时间吗？那就是给这些学生该死的论文打分。是时候宣布无条件的失败了。

大多数大学生在刚入学时几乎无法把三个句子连起来——而且他们毕业时仍是如此。在此期间，经过长久的努力外加一个工作狂热的老师，有的学生可能会学会撰写蹩脚但还算过得去的文章。但是谁在乎呢？我那些人文学科的同事都勇敢地坚称，撰写人文学科的论文能培养敏锐的论证技巧，因而能使我们在一些没有相关经验的领域取得终生的成功（除此之外还有其他更崇高的理由）。但我那些真正在这些领域工作的朋友却向我保证，他们大多数的同事都近乎文盲。毕竟，马克·扎克伯格就曾在Facebook出现之前在Friendster网站的个人资料里吹嘘说“我不读书”（原文就是这样），瞧瞧他吧！

当然，如果美国的大学真的要求像样的成人写作能力的话，这对人类而言将会是件好事。但我已经想尽一切办法。我开过一门研讨课，专门讲授如何避免写出含糊不清的论文开头。结果交上来的论文开头两句都既不连贯又毫不相干。我尝试同时舍去开头和结尾，只要求写一篇有明确论点的三个段落的小文章——而我得到的却是读起来像单向乐队同人小说的文章。

我曾批改初稿并要求重写，这会让好学生写得更好，但那些差生——我正试图帮助的那些人——根本就交不出任何初稿。而与此同时，在我喘口气休息时，我意识到自己做了所有这些额外的批阅工作，每小时却只能挣75美分。

我并不是呼吁取消所有的论文写作——只要取消必修课的课程论文就好。有些学生其实热爱写作，就让那些幸运的年轻人成为英语专业的学生，尽情阐释乔治·艾略特和弗吉尼亚·伍尔芙，并成长为作家吧，多好哇！但为了共同的利益，让其他人都解脱吧。

必修人文课程不应当要求写论文，而是应该回归传统的、难以应付的考试，笔试和口试。你不能瞎编一句话的出处。当教授死死盯着你提出一个严肃的问题时，如果你只读了一页书是无法过关的。最棒的一点是，口试几乎不需要费劲评定：如果连你都不知道自己在说什么，那结果很快便显而易见。

此外，用严格、传统的圣约翰式的磨难来取代论文写作，还能解决人文学科憎恶者喜欢反复强调的一个问题：论文评分太主观，论文写作又太容易作假，这让人文学科背负了恶名，被称为不严谨、感情用事的学科，该学科里“没有正确答案”。所以，我们就开始要求一些正确答案吧。

当然，这会打破那种期待本科生进行思辨性分析的肤浅假象，但他们已经证明他们会想尽办法避免进行思辨性的分析。你可以说我是个失败主义者，但说实在的，哪怕大多数美国大学生仅仅是能够搞清楚任何指定作品的主要情节，我就很开心了。通过增加考试和取消课程论文写作，他们至少能在很短的一段时间里尝试记住一些史上最精彩的故事的基本情况。而在那段很短的时间里，他们甚至可能会培养出一点点模糊的、玛莎·娜斯鲍姆所说的“同情的想象”——我们自身人性的培养，也是在我们被那些与自己截然不同的人的故事打动时所萌生出来的东西。坦率地讲，这可比写任何文章都更能令学生受益。

1. attrition [??tr??（?）n] n. 人员减缩；人员流失

2. MOOC：即massive open online courses，大规模在线开放课程，又称“慕课”。

3. deign [de?n] vi. 降低身份，屈尊

4. exegetic [?eks??d?et?k] adj. 注释的，评注的

5. tangentially [t?n?d?en?（?）li] adv. 离题地，不相干地

6. sext [?sekst] vi. 发送色情短信

7. The Sun Also Rises：长篇小说《太阳照常升起》，美国作家海明威（Ernest Miller Hemingway， 1899～1961）的代表作

8. flaccid [?fl?ks?d] adj. （尤指论点等）没有说服力的；无效的

9. non sequitur [?n?n?sekw?t?（r）] n. 〈拉〉不合逻辑的推论；前后不连贯（毫无逻辑联系）的陈述（或回答）

10. cursory [?k??（r）s?ri] adj. 草草的，粗略的

11. abject [??bd?ekt] adj. 极度的

12. sliver [?sl?v?（r）] n. 窄而小的东西