习作点评

朱章丹

“开放式”作文的命题形式给同学们很大的自由发挥空间，对写作的布局谋篇提出了较高的要求，要求同学们既要会发表观点，又要会进行描写叙述。这种题材要求采用三段式成文，即第一段引出话题，第二段举例说明，第三段得出结论。并且要熟练掌握一些语法规则和句型变换，恰到好处的用词，这些都把握好了会使文章增色不少。下面来看看这个实例。

题目：请根据以下提示，结合你生活中的一个事例用英语写一篇短文

We all know that “chances favor the prepared mind. Only if you are well prepared， will you be able to seize them.

注意：1. 无须写标题，不得照抄英语提示语。

2. 除诗歌外，文体不限。

3.字数为120。

习作一

As is widely acknowledged， preparation is to us what ambition is to success， I learned this from one of my experience during my middle school life.

When it comes to it， my memories come flooding into my mind. One day， what surprised me most was that I failed my first English test for English is my favorite and advantage. I was so frustrated that I almost accepted the fact that I would never learn it well. Luckily， it was my fathers encouragement and advice helped me to prepare for the difficulty in my life. Then I was determined to devote myself to preparing fully for the English an finishing the task given by teacher more patiently. Finally， it wasnt long before English again became my favorite and advantage.

So from my own experience， Im definitely convinced that you will always be successful when you are fully prepared. And only if you are well prepared， will you be able to catch the chances.

点评 这篇作文属于五档作文，得分27分。

文章具有较强的语言运用能力，表述准确，行文流畅，逻辑性强，虽然有个别小错误，但不影响意义的表达。文章中所举的例子很好地体现了主题，使得文章结构紧凑安排合理。开头第一段使用了A is to B what C is to D这个句型，第二段使用了以下句型：when it comes to...， so...that...， it was...that...，it wasnt long before...，另外还有主语从句what surprised me most was that...， 同位语从军 I almost accepted the fact that I would ...，第三段点题肯定了chances favor the prepared mind，并在文章结尾使用了倒装结构only if you are well prepared， will you be...通篇文章恰当的使用了复杂句式和语法，高级词汇和短语，令文章语言丰富，内容严谨。对此可看出该生有很好的功底。

习作二

As someone puts it， “chances favor the prepared mind”. Faced with the equal chances， not everyone can seize the opportunity， It belongs to the person who is prepared well. I learned this from one of my experiences during primary school life.

I took part in a competition as many students around me did， in order to be admitted to a key high school. Because of my good study， I didnt make any preparations even the day before the competition. Looking at the students around me studying hard， I wasnt anxious about it at all. Certainly， I didnt do well in it but the students around me succeeded. Obviously， it is my ignorance that led to such consequence. I should have studied hard and prepared as they did.endprint

Not until then did I realize that nothing can be achieved without preparation. I am definitely convinced that chances belong to the people who are well prepared.

点评 这篇作文属于四档作文，22分。

首先从段落层次上来看，也是个三段式文章：主题―举例―强调主题。层次清晰，行文较流畅。例如文章开头as someone puts it 用得很好，第二段第一句如果改为“In order to be admitted to a key high school， I took part in a competition...”不定式作目的状语位于句首，再就是主句，这样文章读起来更通顺。第二句“Because of my good study...”改为“ on account of the fact that I am a top a student in our class”就更好了，后面这个句子既使用了高级词汇还使用了同位语从句；后面那句“Looking at the students around me studying hard...”，连续使用了两次非谓语，looking和studying如改为“looking at the students who are studying hard around me”改成定语从句避免重复使用非谓语，这样是不是要显得句式灵活通俗易懂些呢？第二段最后一句虽然用到了强调句型，但是前后时态又不一致，当然这是个小语法错误，但从整体上读起来感觉不够流畅，所以只能归入第四档。

综上所述，同学们写这样的开放性作文是要结合一个例子来写一个话题，这种作文一般采取议论，记叙，再总结议论的形式。因此同学们在选取话题的时候一定要与自己的校园生活有关，话题符合生活实际，要有话可说，同时还要注意使用高级词汇和灵活变换的语法句。当然，书面表达能力的培养重在平时，绝非一朝一夕之功，要使自己的文章出彩，需要在长期的语言学习过程中打好语法与词汇运用的基础，通过广泛阅读，注重积累，切实提高语言表达能力，坚持练习才是唯一出路。合理安排，仔细阅读，保证短文紧扣提示，内容完整连贯，语言表达尽可能准确得体，一定可以写出佳作。

范文欣赏

There is no denying that we are eager for golden chances to be successful in life. However， many people are not aware that chances are always for those who get well prepared. I didnt realize it until I went to high school.

Soon after I became senior one student， a singing competition was to be held in school. I love singing but I was very shy then and had never sung at the top of my voice in public. I could only sing to myself most of the time. Somehow， I wanted to have a try. When I talked about it with my parents， they inspired me to follow my inner voice and told me as long as I got well prepared， I would make it. With their encouragement， I became confident and practiced hard after class. Sometimes， I would turn to my music teacher for help. When I felt I was ready， the day came. Standing on the stage， I took a deep breath and began to sing with my full emotions. It turned out that I won the first prize.

This experience has taught me a precious lesson in my life. If you are not successful yet， most probably you havent been well prepared. Once you have， chances will surely favor you.endprint