留学文书写作方法之幽默

谷约

幽默（humor）原本是一个外来词，最早由林语堂先生译成中文。其实，汉语中早就有类似的词汇，如“诙谐”“滑稽”“搞笑”等，但它们却与幽默有着本质的区别。相对后三者而言，幽默层次较高，在令人开怀大笑或者莞尔一笑的同时，还能给人玩味和思考的空间。比如周星驰的电影里有很多桥段会让人笑到喷饭，但那属于搞笑的范畴。在冯小刚新片《私人定制》里，范伟从自信满满地发问“当个清官很难吗？”到一脸哭丧地检讨“虽然还是做到了拒绝贪污受贿，但却没能防住别有用心的属下对我身体上格外的关心”，整个过程带给观众的思考远比表面上的嬉闹深刻，这就是幽默。

自嘲是另一种形式的幽默。操着一口东北腔的英文在美国表演脱口秀的黄西（Joe Wong）说他的小孩现在很可爱，可刚出生时却非常丑。那时他把婴儿抱在怀里，正在琢磨家里哪个亲戚把“丑”的基因遗传给了他的孩子，一个接生护士跑过来指着小孩对黄西说：“这小孩怎么这么像你！”黄西讲这个故事就是在自嘲。

美国总统往往都是幽默的高手。前总统小布什是历届总统里最不善言辞的，但也幽默感十足，他在耶鲁大学2001年毕业典礼上的演说把自嘲发挥到了极致。比如：“To those of you who received honors， awards， and distinctions， I say， well done. And to the C students I say， you， too， can be president of the United States.”在这段演讲中，小布什嘲讽自己当初在耶鲁读书时充其量是勉强及格的学生，是拿C而不是A或B的。又如：“I took a class that studied Japanese haiku. Haiku， for the uninitiated， is a 15th-century form of poetry， each poem having 17 syllables. Haiku is fully understood only by the Zen masters. As I recall， one of my academic advisers was worried about my selection of such a specialized course. He said I should focus on English. I still hear that quite often.”在这段演讲中，小布什提到上大学时他选修了一门日本俳句课程，老师非常不解，建议他还是把精力放在英文上，言下之意是你的母语都没学好，还异想天开学日语。之后，小布什接着拿自己开玩笑，自嘲即使到现在自己的母语仍旧没学好，因为他当了总统后还是有人建议他好好学英文。他的演讲简直让人忍俊不禁，这就是幽默的魅力。

在前几期中，笔者曾谈到过，对于申请者来说，留学文书不是自我表扬，也不是学术论文，而是向招生官展示自己的个性、能力和风采的“广告”。鉴于美国文化崇尚幽默，如果能在申请美国大学的文书中恰当地展现出自己的幽默感，就会给文章增色不少，从而起到很好的宣传效果。

实例讲解

下文笔者通过实例来具体说明如何在申请文书中运用幽默的手法。

文书案例1

首先，我们通过申请者提供的短文（Essay）中的一个段落为大家进行讲解。申请者是高中毕业生，他提供了中文初稿，所选段落大致内容如下：

我的高中生物考试成绩不佳，老师建议我考虑改修其他科目，但我不愿放弃。老师表示不论我做什么决定他都支持，不仅如此，还在家长会上安慰我的妈妈。

如果我们就按照初稿内容直接将其译成英文，整段内容读起来就会显得比较平淡，让人看不出申请者的留学文书有什么亮点。于是，在描写申请者母亲时，我们采用了幽默的表述方式（我承认我妈妈不以耐心而闻名，要让她安下心来可不容易），给文章增色不少。同时，这也反映出申请者活泼或者与众不同的一面。要知道，绝大多数中国学生在描写自己的父母时都喜欢把他们描写成严父慈母的形象，这样公式化的描写显得刻板，也缺乏人情味。参考范文如下：

I asked my biology teacher， Mr. Zhang， to allow me some time so I could prove myself. He was not only supportive of my decision to stay on but also protective of me in his interaction with my mother during the teacher-parent conference， in which he told my mother that， though I might have had less than desirable grades， he was convinced I was learning the concepts and that patience was all that was required. I give Mr. Zhang credit for having calmed down my mother， who， I have to admit， is not known for her patience.

文书案例2

下面我们再通过一个申请者的个人陈述（Personal Statement）为大家进行进一步讲解。为了保持文书的完整性，我们给出了个人陈述英文的全文，并在相关段落进行了详细点评。申请者提供了个人陈述的中文初稿，大致内容如下：

我的家乡在山东聊城，一个拥有高达17万贫困人口、100万低收入人口的城市。如何给贫穷和弱势的群体同等幸福和有尊严的生活是社会面临的最严峻的考验。我愿用自己的努力给弱势群体平等生活的希望。我不做谁来做？

也许是从小受到爷爷教育我“以天下为己任”的影响，也许是受到热爱从事慈善工作的妈妈的影响，几乎每个假期我都在参加义工活动。2008年我为汶川灾区募捐。2009年暑假，我去聊城市社会福利院做义工。我还在聊城市春雨助学协会救助贫困儿童，比如魏庄乡甘寨村的高一学生小武，他的母亲患有严重的糖尿病，丧失劳动能力，父亲在外打工，每个月寄回的600元就是母子二人一个月的生活费。我们把5000元的助学款交到小武母亲的手里，她当即流下了眼泪。我发誓要为更多人不再愁学愁医而努力！

据我了解，美国的社会保障项目有三百多种，仅各种退休计划就有十几种之多；社会保障覆盖面广。这在中国几乎是难以想象的。相比美国专业化、体系化的社会工作服务，中国这种多数由民间自发组织的草根慈善社团不仅数量远远不够，而且因为缺乏具有专业知识的规划者和实施者，工作无法达到预期成效，社会公信力差。社会工作者的不足将成为制约中国社会稳定发展的一块短板。

我愿意奉献于他人和社会，换回一个有价值的人生。

申请者在中文初稿中写了不少豪言壮语，如“以天下为己任”“我愿用自己的努力给弱势群体平等生活的希望”等，尽力把自己塑造成一个忧国忧民的高大形象。但读者看完却会觉得这些都是口号，太虚了，甚至会对申请者个人陈述的可信度产生怀疑。在英文个人陈述写作过程中，我们把这些“高大”的内容全部删除，取而代之的是平实的语言，并加入了适当的幽默元素（详见下文第一、二段点评）。另外需要注意的是，在描述申请者的“好人好事”时，文章不是单纯的叙述，而是侧重这些事给申请者带来的思考，从而反映出他的思考能力和社会责任感。参考范文如下：

I originally came from Chinas coastal province of Shandong， which is quite well known domestically as well as internationally for Tsingtao Beer， Haier electronic appliances and Qufu， the birthplace of Confucius， often referred to as the sage or great teacher of moral principles and social responsibilities. What is often overlooked in the Judea-Christian dominated western world is that it was Confucius， a couple of centuries before the birth of Jesus Christ， who came up with the so-called golden rule： “You should not do unto others what you do not desire yourself.” People in Shandong are generally okay with the fact that many foreigners credit the Bible， not Confucius， for the adage （格言）， but they would be somewhat offended if the outside world fails to recognize that Shandong has some of the prettiest and most livable cities in China， and that the province is the economic powerhouse of China and among the most affluent Chinese provinces， with a nominal GDP well over 4 trillion yuan—about US$712 billion.

点评：这一段的幽默反映在两个方面。第一，笔调轻松。申请者虽然表面上是在抱怨不公，但实际上是在介绍山东对世界文化和道德标准的贡献。文字的可读性要比那种忧国忧民的强多了。第二，自嘲。文中说山东人不会介意外国人不知道自己挂在嘴上的做人标准其实是从山东“出口”的儒家思想，却会因虚荣心作祟介意外国人不知山东美丽富饶这一事实，这就是自嘲。

This is not the Shandong I knew intimately. The part of Shandong where I grew up， on the west side， is called Liaocheng. There， one-fifth of the population， close to a million， are categorized as either below the poverty line or low-income. And yet， for three years now， the local government has invested more than four billion yuan on a cultural preservation development project aimed to restore the central part of the city to its ancient forms. There has been no indication that the investment has benefited the local people， many of whom are desperately trying to uplift themselves out of poverty.

点评：第一段用轻松调侃的口吻提到山东如何美丽富饶，山东人如何为自己争得了面子，而这一段笔锋一转谈到了山东贫穷落后的一面，“我”的所见所闻和“我”的生活经历让人轻松不起来。于是这和第一段形成了一个具有讽刺意义的对比（irony），而irony本身也是一种幽默。

My interest in the marginalized and underprivileged sectors of the Chinese society stemmed from my years of experience as a volunteer. It all started in May 2008， when Chinas southwestern Sichuan Province was hit by a deadly earthquake that claimed approximately 69，000 lives and left five million people homeless. Not long before the earthquake， my grandfather passed away. I knew how difficult it was personally for me to experience the loss of a loved one. As I watched TV reports of younger children in Sichuan having lost all other family members or older folks having to bury their children who perished under the rubble， I could not even begin to imagine their suffering. I told myself I should do something. In the following several weeks， I organized a fund-raiser at my high school. The event attracted many students and teachers who either gave money or school supplies or spent time with me collecting donations inside the school campus and in residential areas outside the school. When I handed our donations to the Red Cross on behalf of our school， I felt a great sense of accomplishment. I realized that as an individual， my means were limited； but as a team， as a group and as a society， our strength was boundless. I learned that leadership is all about identifying and championing a good cause， galvanizing （激励） people and demonstrating that giving is rewarding.

I have since regularly participated in charity and volunteer work in my hometown of Liaocheng. For two years， I volunteered at local nursing homes and orphanages once a month and all through my summer breaks. I was also a member of the Spring Rain Charity that provided monetary support to school children whose families could not afford to have the kids attend school. My most memorable encounter was with Wu， a junior high school student who lived with his diabetic and bedridden mother in a poor village outside the city proper. His father was a migrant worker whose meager income， which he sent home， was not enough to provide the bare necessities， let alone buy books and pay tuition for Wu. At one point， Wu told his mom that he wanted to quit school and join his father as a migrant worker so the family could at least have two incomes. His mother was furious and told him never to enter the house anymore if he ever wanted to quit school. Such was Wus plight： he was an honor-roll student with outstanding academic performance， and yet he could not go on studying when his mother could not afford to visit the doctor. When I presented the 5，000 yuan check （about US$800） on behalf of Spring Rain Association in support of Wus schooling needs， both he and his mother started crying. When Wu said his ambition was to finish school and get gainfully employed so he could take his mother to a big city hospital for treatment， it was my turn to get teary. I was happy for Wu， but I was sad that many students like Wu right here in Liaocheng needed help： but help is not coming soon enough.

点评：同样是列举“我”的好人好事，但英文稿增加了一些“我”的其他信息，比如“我”的祖父在汶川地震之前刚过世不久，用来说明“我”对于灾区人失去亲人感同身受，这种移情作用促使“我”去为灾民募捐，这无疑比中文原稿的陈述可信度要高。有关资助贫困学生一事，中文原稿说“我发誓要为更多人不再愁学愁医而努力”，而英文稿故意放低姿态，说“many students like Wu right here in Liaocheng needed help”。言下之意，“我”个人做的非常有限，“我”该怎么办？这反映出申请者是在思考问题而不是急于表功。低调和幽默一样，代表的是一种豁达。

I studied law and economics for my undergraduate program. I know China still has a long way to go before we enact legislation to protect the interests and well-being of the economic and social underdogs. The social security system in China， as it is， does not even cover half of the population. In economics， I learned that an unemployment rate of about 4%～6% is considered healthy and that lower rates are seen as inflationary due to the upward pressures on salaries. From a social workers point of view， behind these numbers are hundreds and thousands of people who are struggling to put food on their tables， or who are forced to quit school or give up medication. They simply cannot survive if their financial， emotional， psychological， educational and medical needs are not met. In the United States， social work， as an academic discipline， a concept， a career and a cause， has a long history and wide acceptance and recognition. In Liaocheng， in Shandong， and in the Peoples Republic， social work is just beginning to emerge in the public consciousness. Much can be done and much needs to be done.

点评：最后一段比较巧妙地把“我”在本科法律、经济专业中学到的一些有关知识和将要攻读的社工学结合起来。经济学认为4%～6%的失业率是好事，能帮助有效抑制通货膨胀，但一个有同情心的人会设身处地去为那些失业人群着想，对他们来说失业无异于灾难临头：他们的财务、心理、教育和医疗等问题怎么解决？这种换位思考的能力给“我”转行学社工做了很好的铺垫和解释。“我”的动机也很明确，比“我愿意奉献于他人和社会，换回一个有价值的人生”那样的空洞口号要来得真实和精彩。