压缩或扩容简练又充实

吕吉尔

英语书面表达一般要求写作一篇120词左右的短文，文章词数不够或篇幅过长，在阅卷时都会被扣分。

删繁就简 压缩篇幅

无论是在平时的写作训练还是在考试中，不少同学都表现出积极的写作态度，洋洋洒洒，“一写不可收”。从练笔的角度来说，这是个好现象，写得多无疑对提高写作能力有好处。但简练是写作的一个重要原则，把一个很小的话题写得很长，就可能“水分”过多，冲淡主题。

好在精简比增补方便。

首先，可以从文章内容着手。每个题目都会给出写作提示，有时候是详细的内容提示，有时候只有简单的写作要点。书面表达不是翻译，遇到详细的内容提示，我们要认真思考，根据主题进行筛选，有些内容应完整表述，有些内容可以简要带过，有些内容甚至不用涉及。

除了内容上要有所取舍，遣词造句也要精练。在篇幅过长的情况下，可以将一些冗长的句子、复杂的短语用表意相近但更简洁的句式、词汇来替代。

比如下面这个作文题：

随着我国经济的发展与对外开放程度的提高，越来越多的学子走出国门留学深造。请根据下面的提示，以“Studying Abroad”为题，写一篇100～120词的短文。

（1） 出国留学的优点：开阔视野；体验当地风情；交更多的朋友；更快更好地掌握一门外语。

（2） 出国留学的缺点：语言障碍不利于学习；费用高昂，而花大量时间打工又会影响学习。

以下是一位同学的习作：

With the rapid development of economy， China contacts more with foreign countries， contributing to more and more students studying abroad.

Frankly speaking， studying abroad definitely has some unique advantages that domestic schools cannot compare with. First of all， students can have a broad view. Many of them appreciate this most because it cant be acquired from textbooks or tests. Secondly， they can experience diverse local cultures and make more friends. Whats more， students can master a foreign language better in less time.

However， there are still some disadvantages. Most importantly， it can make a lot of trouble due to language barrier. Thus your study may be badly affected. Besides， some families dont have adequate money to cover the high tuition fees so that students may have to spend a large amount of time doing part-time jobs， which in turn will do harm to study as well.

Considering the advantages and disadvantages， if condition permits， it will be a good choice to study abroad.

应该说，这篇短文写得相当不错，美中不足的是篇幅过长，全文共163词，远远超出了要求的词数范围。

要将其合理删减，首先从内容着手。题目要求我们根据提示，以“Studying Abroad”为题写一篇短文，提示内容只涉及出国留学的优缺点两方面，所以，文章应该重在介绍出国留学的优缺点，然后以自己对出国留学的看法来结尾即可。

作者在内容提示的基础上，适当发挥，把出国留学的优缺点和自己的看法表述得十分清楚，可删减的内容主要在第1段。题目中“随着我国经济的发展与对外开放程度的提高，越来越多的学子走出国门留学深造”一句，只是引子，提供背景，可以一笔带过甚至不写。

再来看遣词造句。要精简词数，可以将文中一些过渡语简化或将可有可无的词句省去，比如第2段开头的Frankly speaking可以删去；把First of all改为Firstly，既缩减了词数，又能与后面的Secondly相呼应。

还可以转化句式，比如，Most importantly， it can make a lot of trouble due to language barrier一句，可以改为Trouble will arise due to the language barrier； 而which in turn will do harm to study as well一句，可以改为which will in turn harm their studies，等等。

如此一来，文章内容没有太大变化，但词数却大大减少了（如下，125词）。

Studying abroad definitely has some unique advantages that domestic schools cannot compare with. Firstly， students can have a broader view. Many of them appreciate this most because it cant be acquired from textbooks or tests. Secondly， they can experience a different culture and make more friends. Whats more， they can master a foreign language better in less time.

However， there are still disadvantages. Trouble will arise due to the language barrier. Thus their study may be negatively affected. Besides， some families dont have adequate money to cover the high tuition so that students have to spend much time doing part-time jobs， which will in turn harm their studies.

Considered as a whole， studying abroad is a good choice for those whose conditions are good enough.

充实内容 扩展篇幅

与洋洋洒洒写一大篇的同学相反，还有不少同学的文章只有“骨架”，没有“血肉”，十分干瘪。篇幅不够要比篇幅过长难对付，除了平时多阅读、多练笔、加强词汇记忆来提高写作能力之外，短时间内，只能通过一些简单的扩写方法来改善。

扩写时可以关注：（1）题目给出的要点是否都写了，若有遗漏，及时补充；（2）从遣词造句看，可以通过转换句式、替换词汇、增加恰当的过渡和修饰语句来扩充篇幅。

我们来看下面这个作文题。

请根据右图写一篇100～120 词的英文短文。短文须包括以下要点：

（1） 简要描写图画内容；

（2） 说明图画含义；

（3） 表达你的观点。

注意： （1） 短文的标题和开头已给出（不计词数）；

（2） 请用第三人称表达。

Balance Creates Happiness

As is shown in the picture above， the student is struggling hard to balance his studies and hobbies.

下面是一篇同学习作：

The left are books meanwhile entertainments are on the right.

I think students should work hard and learn well in school because of their students work. But on the other hand， if students just only studying without doing anything for improving their skills， they will be a learning machine. It was very terrible. So we should share our time in doing things what we like instead learning all day.

文章先描写了图画的内容，然后表达了作者的观点：学习很重要，但也不能忽略兴趣爱好。这篇文章只有69词，篇幅远未达到要求。

看内容，作者只用了一句话描写图画内容：The left are books meanwhile entertainments are on the right，这样的表述显然还停留在看图说话的初级阶段。描写完图画内容后没有说明图画的含义，遗漏了第二个写作要点。要扩充文章，可以针对这两点，先把图画内容描述得更丰满，再补充对图画含义的说明。

接着看文字，文中有很多表述混乱、存在语病的地方，主要在第2段表达个人观点的部分。比如，用because of their students work表达“好好学习是学生的职责所在”的意思，明显是生造的、混乱的；students just only studying without doing anything for improving their skills一句中，study不用加ing，用improving their skills来表述“拓展技能”也不恰当……这样的问题还有很多。

修改完这些问题后，可以看看文章有没有恰当的过渡和必要的修饰，没有的话可以添加。比如，“我认为学习很重要”和“不能忽略兴趣爱好”这两层意思之间可以用on the one hand和on the other hand来连接。

下面这篇修改、扩充后的文章是不是好多了呢？

On the one hand， he wants to learn all the subjects well. On the other hand， he wants to keep his hobbies as well. But it is difficult for him to bear all of them. The picture shows a common phenomenon that students are over burdened.

In my opinion， we students should work hard and learn well in school because it is our duty. But if we only study without doing anything else to enrich our life， we will become learning machines. As an English proverb goes， “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”， we should develop ourselves in an all-round way. So we should spare some of our time to do things we like instead of working all day.

从上面可以看出，删减、增补文章无外乎从文章内容和词句运用上着手。建议同学们在平时加强词汇记忆和句式运用的训练，掌握的词汇、句式越多，修改文章会更得心应手。

怎么有效记忆词汇以及灵活运用句式？再复习一下《走出词穷困境》（2013年10月号）和《进击的句型》（2013年11月号）这两篇文章吧！