接受丑陋，海阔天空

by Shona Sibary

Until the age of five， I was blissfully[幸福地] unaware of how my looks—or lack of them—would affect my life. Of course， starting school changed all that and brought with it the dawning[开始] realisation that I wasnt pretty like a lot of the other girls in my class.

Id been born with a birthmark[胎记] rendering[致使] me blind in my right eye and while that had been surgically[如外科手术般地] removed， it still took years for my eye to open properly （I still have a squint[斜眼]）. And as if this wasnt enough， my front teeth were prominent[突出的] and crooked[歪的]， which immediately earned me the nickname Bugs Bunny注1. Its a wonder my mother hadnt shoved[乱塞] me at the midwife[助产士] and done a runner.

Thirty-five years on， not that much has changed. I may have learned not to care so deeply， but I can see—out of one eye at least—how having a face that is“different” （which is just another word for ugly） has held me back in many areas of my life.

五岁之前，我幸福地没有意识到自己的长相——或长相缺陷——会影响我的生活。当然，上学后一切都改变了，这让我开始意识到，自己长得不如班上其他女孩漂亮。

我出生时就有一个胎记，让我右眼失明，尽管做手术切除了它，我的眼睛过了好几年才能正常睁开（我现在仍然有点斜眼）。好像这还不够似的，我的门牙突出，歪歪扭扭的，立马就为我赢得了“兔八哥”的绰号。我的母亲没有把我塞给助产士，然后一跑了之，真是个奇迹。

三十五年过去了，（我的脸）还是没有太大改变。我也许已经学会了不那么在意，但我可以看到——至少用一只眼睛——顶着一张“与众不同”（这只是丑陋的代名词罢了）的脸，如何让我在生活的方方面面备受掣肘。

I may not have been endowed with[被赋予] the looks of a young Brigitte Bardot注2， but at least I am not stupid. And its been clear to me for years that being plain[相貌平平的] is one of lifes unspoken handicaps[障碍].

Having gorgeous[华丽的] parents didnt help. My father was a model in the Sixties， posing in a sheepskin coat to advertise a well-known cigarette brand. My mother， with her violet[紫罗兰色的] blue eyes and thick dark hair， looked like a cross[混合体] between a young Elizabeth Taylor注3 and Vivien Leigh注4.

Ill never forget having lunch at the home of my eccentric[古怪的] great aunt when she put down her fork， appraised[评估] me across the table and said： “Well， you clearly havent inherited[继承] your mothers looks. I hope， for your sake， youve got a strong personality.”

I felt crushed， of course. I sensed， even at that age， that being pretty gave you advantages I didnt have. Friends， for a start.

Schoolgirls can be horribly cruel and will seek out weaknesses in others—no matter how shallow[肤浅的]—to gain control in the playground. Needless to say， the ones with long blonde hair and straight teeth were the most popular， ruthlessly[无情地] excluding the geeky[令人讨厌的] girls like me.

Later， I headed off to university hoping to snog[吻] any boy who would oblige[施恩惠于] in the dark recesses[深处] of the student bar. In fact， the only guys even vaguely[模糊地] interested in talking to me were bespectacled[戴眼镜的] chemistry undergrads[本科生] or gay.

After a year， feeling out of place and lonely， I dropped out and joined a local newspaper as a trainee[实习生]. It was there that I had my first serious romance， but not with a fellow trainee or reporter. At the age of 19， I moved in with a 43-year-old divorced farmer—and his cow， Gertrude. He ended up chucking[丢弃] all my stuff in the mud outside his front door. I moved to London to embark on[从事] a career as a journalist.

It was there， just a year later， that I met my husband， Keith， on a trade publication. He was in the sales department， had a motorbike and a glamorous[迷人的] past living in Paris. He was such a normal looking 20-something guy that I had to keep checking he was interested in me and not the blonde girl with big boobs[胸脯] sitting at the desk behind me.

But， indeed， he was， and for the first time in my life I felt attractive—because he made me feel that way. He told me repeatedly how he loved the way I looked—and still does. It has taken me 18 years and four children to believe him， and even now I think he just must be one of those rare men who are more interested in inner beauty.

Ive finally learned to accept that I am not—and never will be—a “looker[美人]”. But this is fine. I am what I am and nothing—apart from a fortune spent on plastic surgery[整形手术]—is going to change this for me.

But when I see how doors open， literally[字面上的] and metaphorically[隐喻地]， for friends who are less facially challenged， I feel like that five-year-old in the playground all over again， burning with indignation[愤怒] that the other girls wont let me play with them because I have buck teeth[龅牙] and short brown hair.

I recently went on holiday with an old school friend to celebrate our joint[共同的] 40th birthdays. She is single， blonde and very attractive. Throughout our trip， men were holding doors open for her （and then letting them swing in my face）； carrying her bag， but ignoring mine； and falling over themselves[特别卖力做（某事）] to buy her drinks and apply her sun lotion[防晒霜].

I have to admit I felt enraged[触怒] at being invisible[看不见的] and blatantly[公然地] ignored. Its a harsh fact of life， but at least I wont have to go through the agony[痛苦] of losing my looks because they were never there in the first place.

Research shows that others see you as 20% more attractive than you think you are. Thats because， when you look in the mirror， youre simply judging yourself on looks. All you can see is your reflection—but none of the personality.

“Theres so much more to beauty than looks alone，” says Dr. Luftman. “A great figure， shiny hair and lovely skin may turn heads and get you noticed， but beauty is also about the way you move， speak and express yourself. Its about good health， warmth， spontaneity[自然举动] and charisma[魅力].” This is probably just another way of saying that if， like me， youve pulled the short straw[命运不幸者] in the pretty stakes[风险]， you should work on your personality.

As upsetting as coming to terms with my looks has been， I have learned there are a few advantages.

One of the first jobs I got， straight out of Journalism College， was as PA注5 to Bob Wheaton， the editor of BBC Breakfast News and， at the time， Jill Dandos partner. While I congratulated myself on landing a role hundreds of other people had gone for and secretly put it down to my killer news instinct and honed[磨砺] research skills， someone in the newsroom one day dropped the bombshell[炸弹] that Jill paid close attention to Bobs female editorial assistants—and as far as she was concerned， the less attractive they were the better.

Other good points？ I dont have conversations with the tops of mens heads as they drool at[流口水] my chest and， needless to say， Ive never had to suffer the indignity[侮辱] of being dismissed[解职] as “just a pretty face”.

On the contrary[相反]， people usually take me seriously and assume a level of intelligence because youd have to be really unlucky to look like me and not have something else going for you.

Though I feel incredibly lucky in countless ways—my husband doesnt wince[退缩] when he looks at me and my children tell me Im pretty （clearly an attempt to procure[获得] chocolate）—I do sometimes wish I knew how it felt to have a face that could launch a thousand ships or， at the very least， inspire the postman to wink at me in the morning.

After all， deep down， isnt being pretty what every woman secretly wants to be？

我或许没有被赋予年轻版碧姬·芭铎的美貌，但至少我不傻。多年来，我很清楚，长相平平是生活中一个无以明说的羁绊。

即使父母英俊漂亮也无济于事。我的父亲是60年代的模特，穿着羊皮大衣为一个著名香烟品牌做广告。我的母亲有着蓝紫色的眼睛和浓密的深色头发，看起来就像是年轻时伊丽莎白·泰勒和费雯·丽的混合体。

我永远不会忘记在我那古怪的漂亮姨妈家吃午餐时，她放下叉子，隔着餐桌打量着我，说：“嗯，你显然没有继承你母亲的美貌。我希望，为了你自己着想，你得有个坚强的个性。”

我当然觉得快要崩溃了。我感觉，即使在那个年龄，长得漂亮也会给你带来一些我不具备的优势。首先从交朋友开始。女生们残酷得可怕。她们会盯着别人找弱点——无论多么肤浅——以获得游戏场上的控制权。不用说，金发飘逸、牙齿整齐的女生最受欢迎，像我这样讨人厌的女孩则被无情地踢出圈外。

后来，我上了大学，希望能邂逅某个男孩，邀我到学生酒吧的黑暗角落一坐。事实上，有点兴趣和我说话的家伙寥寥无几，都是些戴着眼镜的化学系本科生或同性恋。

过了一年，我感到格格不入，十分孤独，就辍学加入了当地一家报社当实习生。在那里，我有了第一次真正的爱情，但并不是和报社的实习生或记者。

那年我19岁，和一个43岁的离异农民同居——还有他的奶牛，格特鲁德。他最后还是把我所有的东西扔到了他前门外的泥泞中。我搬到伦敦，走上了记者的职业之路。

就在那里，仅仅一年后，我遇到了我的丈夫基思，他为一家贸易出版社工作。他在销售部门任职，有一辆摩托车，曾有一段迷人的巴黎生活经历。他是这样一个长相普通、二十几岁的小伙子，让我不得不一再确定，他感兴趣的是我，而不是坐在我身后办公桌的那个有着大胸脯的金发女孩。

但是，他确实对我感兴趣，有生以来我第一次觉得自己有吸引力——因为他让我有这样的感觉。他一再告诉我他是多么喜欢我的模样——现在仍是这样。经过十八年，生了四个孩子后我才相信他。即使是现在，我还是认为他一定是那些对内在美更感兴趣的稀有男人中的一个。

我终于学会了接受自己不是——永远也不会是——一个“美人”的事实。但这也不错。我就是我，没有什么——除了花大笔钱财做整形手术——可以改变我。

但当我看到大门是如何有意无意地为那些长相不俗的朋友敞开时，我就觉得自己又成为了那个站在操场上的五岁女孩，怒火中烧——就因为我的龅牙和棕色短发，其他女孩就不让我和她们一起玩。

最近我和一个老同学去度假，庆祝我们俩的四十岁生日。她是一个金发碧眼、非常迷人的单身女子。在整个旅程中，男人们为她开门（然后任由门在我面前晃悠地关上）；为她提包，对我的包却视而不见；煞费苦心为她买饮料、搽防晒霜。

我不得不承认，我被他们对我视而不见和公然无视的态度所激怒。这是生活中的一个残酷事实，但至少我不用忍受容颜渐失的痛苦，因为它们根本就没存在过。

研究表明，在别人眼中，你的吸引力比你自己认为的高20%。这是因为，当你在照镜子时，你只是批判自己的长相。你能看到的仅仅是自己的映像——一点也没注意自己的个性。

“美丽远不只是美貌，还有更多，”鲁夫曼博士说。“一个有着光泽头发和可爱肤色的美人也许一回头就能引起你的注意，但美丽还包括你活动、说话和自我表达的方式。美丽与身体健康、待人热情、处事自然和人格魅力有关。”这可能只是另一种表达方式，也就是说如果你和我一样，无论如何都与美貌无缘，那么你就应该在个性上下工夫。

尽管我的长相令我备受困扰，但我也因此得到一些好处。

我走出新闻学院后得到的第一份工作，就是当鲍勃·惠顿的私人助理，他是英国广播公司（BBC）早间新闻的编辑，当时正和吉尔·丹多搭档。正当我庆幸自己得到了一个数百人争抢的职位，并暗下决心要在这个岗位上拿出我的杀手锏——新闻直觉和历经磨砺的研究技能时，有一天，新闻编辑部的某个人突然扔下一枚重磅炸弹，吉尔对鲍勃的女编辑助理们密切关注着——对她来说，长得越丑越好。

其他好处？我不用和我的顶头上司们交谈，因为他们不会垂涎欲滴地盯着我的胸口看。更不用说，我从没有遭受过因为“只是个花瓶”而被解雇的侮辱。

相反，人们通常很认真地对待我，认为我智力超群，因为你要是长得和我一样，又没有自己独特的东西，那就真是太不走运了。

虽然我在无数方面感到无比幸运——我的丈夫看着我的时候目不转睛，我的孩子们说我漂亮（显然是想要巧克力）——但我有时候确实想知道要是我有一张让千帆奋进，或至少能让邮差在早上对我眨眼的脸会是什么感觉。

毕竟，在内心深处，每个女人不都希望拥有一张漂亮的脸蛋吗？

注1：兔八哥，又译“宾尼兔”，英文意思是“疯狂的兔子”，是在《兔八哥》动画系列里出现的一个卡通人物。

注2：碧姬·芭铎（1934—）法国电影女明星，以美貌和性感著称。

注3：伊丽莎白·泰勒（1932—2011），美国著名影星，两次问鼎奥斯卡最佳女主角奖，有“好莱坞常青树”和“世界头号美人”之称，尤其以一双漂亮的蓝紫色眼睛闻名于世。

注4：费雯·丽（1913—1967），英国著名女演员，以惊人的美貌和精湛的演技闻名于世，因成功饰演《乱世佳人》中的郝思嘉一角而问鼎奥斯卡最佳女主角奖。