练习空手道的孩子

As I had my first child, I promised myself to never be a pushy1 parent. I was going to be a very patient and considerate mother.

Five years later, my little boy was about to test for his yellow belt in karate2. This was a big deal for us, especially me. I practiced all day, with him, all of the things that I thought would be on his test. As a five-year-old child, he wasn't taking it seriously, because it was "Mom" trying to help him. He goofed3 off and played the whole time. I found myself yelling and telling him he would never get the belt acting like that. I was trying to teach him his back-flip. He continued to play and I continued to yell. Finally I had made him feel like he couldn't accomplish anything, just as I promised myself I wouldn't do.

Still mad and stubborn I couldn't give in. I had to teach him this flip4. He was doing fine with it by the time we had to leave to go to karate. While taking the test, he did great. His instructor would ask him to do something, and it came natural for him. He never asked him to do the back-flip. He had aced his yellow belt test.

We got in the car to go home, when he looked at me and said: "Mom, why did you make me do that back-flip so many times, when it wasn't even on the test." The words wouldn't have meant anything to anyone else, but it was a slap5 in my face. I had had no confidence in my child that had known all along what he was doing and he knew it. For the rest of the night I bragged6 on him to everyone I spoke to. That night while lying in bed, I told him I loved him.

He was playing and didn't say anything, just giggled7. I said "I really do love you baby." I was still feeling guilty, and also wondering if he had forgiven me. Finally he replied in the sweetest voice, "I know you do, but I love you more."

He had forgiven me and I had decided that his feeling were more important than any test he would ever take. I made a new promise to be better mother and to accept that he was only a child. My child and a very sweet one at that.

当我的第一个小孩子出生的时候，我向自己许诺一定不能成为一个拔苗助长的家长。我一定要做一个非常有耐心而且善解人意的母亲。

五年之后，我的小儿子即将参加空手道黄带的考试。这是一件大事，尤其是对我而言。我每天都和他一起训练我能想到的有可能出现在考试里的内容。由于只是一个五岁的小孩，他并不把这件事情看得很重，因为妈妈会尽一切努力帮助他。他对训练漫不经心，总是一直在玩耍嬉戏。我冲他大吼大叫，警告他如果再这样下去，绝对拿不到黄带。当我试着教他后空翻的时候，他一直在跑神，而我则一直在冲他大吼大叫。最终，我的吼叫让他感到自己绝对不能够完成任何事情，而这正有悖于我最初许诺的初衷。

我依然很愤怒和生气；我不肯放弃。我必须教会他后空翻。当我们准备去参加比赛的时候，他已经可以很熟练地做这个动作了。而在考试中，他的表现非常好。他的教练让他做什么，他都能很自然地完成。那个教练并没有考他后空翻。最后，他顺利地拿到了黄带。

我们坐车回家的路上，他看着我然后说道：“妈妈，为什么考试里根本没有后空翻，你却让我练习那么多次呢?”这些话也许对其他人没有任何意义，但它就像一巴掌狠狠打在我脸上一样。孩子自己一直都明白他即将要做什么，但我却对他没有信心；他明白这一点。在那天晚上，我向所有人炫耀我的儿子已经顺利地通过考试。临睡觉的时候，我告诉他我很爱他。

孩子正在玩耍。他只是咯咯地笑，什么也没有说。我说：“我真的很爱你，宝贝。”我当时仍然充满了罪恶感，而且想知道他是否已原谅我。最后，他用最甜美的声音回答我：“我知道你爱我，但是我更爱你。”

他原谅了我。我意识到了他的这份感情远比他那天的考试要重要得多。我重新做了一个决定，我要做一个更出色的母亲，而且要随时记住他只是个孩子。我的孩子，一个很可爱的孩子。

注释：

①pushy adj．执意强求的；死缠硬磨的

②karate n．[日]空手道(日本的一种徒手自卫武术)

③goof n．呆瓜vt．弄糟vi．混，打发时间

④flip vt．掷，弹

⑤slap vt．拍，掌击

⑥brag n．&v．吹牛

⑦giggle v．咯咯地笑