高考作文习作点评

王　薇　包凡一

人们完成工作的方式通常有两种：独立完成与合作完成。两种方式各有特点。请你以“Working Individually or Working in a Team”为题，按照以下要点写一篇英语短文；

1. 独立完成：自行安排、自己解决问题；

2. 合作完成：一起讨论、相互学习；

3. 我喜欢的方式及理由。

注意：词数100~120，文章的题目和开头已给出(不计词数)。

Working Individually or Working in a Team

There are basically two ways to get work done.

学生习作与点评

学生习作

Working Individually or Working in a Team

There are basically two ways to get work done1, working individually or working in a team. As to this question of which is preferrable, opinions may vary from person to person. The two ways both have advantages 2respectively. 3Working individually grants you freedom, as you can plan at your own will, and solve problems on your own. However, working in a team enables you to discuss with your teammates so that you can learn from each other.

As far as I am concerned, I would like to work in a team. On the one hand, two heads are better than one4, with many people in a team, it is sure that I will think of more good ideas5; on the other hand, it is likely that I will make some friends.

原文修改稿

Working Individually or Working in a Team

There are basically two ways to get work done—working individually or working in a team. As to this question of which is preferrable, opinions may vary from person to person. The two ways both have advantages. Working individually grants you freedom to plan at your own will and to solve problems on your own. However, working in a team enables you to discuss with your teammates so that you can learn from each other.

As far as I am concerned, I would like to work in a team. On the one hand, two heads are better than one. With many people in a team, it is sure that I will think of more good ideas. On the other hand, it is likely that I will make some friends.

整体点评

这是一篇很不错的文章，不仅包含了题目要求的所有要点内容，而且逻辑清晰有层次。文章的过渡自然流畅，有效地使用了语句连接词(组)，如：as to this question、as far as I am concerned等等。作者运用了很多高级词汇和短语，如：vary、grant、on one's own、enable等；同时，作者还注意了句式的多样化，如：用as引导的原因状语从句“Working individually grants your freedom, as you can plan at your own will and you can solve problems on your own”；介词结构作状语“With many people in a team, it is sure that I will think of more good ideas”等等，体现了作者良好的语言功底。如果作者对细节的处理(如标点符号的使用等)再用心一些就更好了。

难点分析

1. 此处逗号改成破折号更好一些。因为后面的“working individually”和“working in a team” 是对“There are basically two ways to get work done”的具体说明，用破折号表示进一步的解释说明。

2. 此处的respectively与前面的both语意重复，可删去respectively或both。

3. 这句话中，and前后并列的成分不清晰，有两种修改方法：① Working individually grants you freedom, as you can plan at your own will and solve problems on your own. ② Working individually grants you freedom to plan at your own will and to solve problems on your own.

4. 此处的标点符号使用不当，逗号应改为句号。因为这句话表意已经完整，“with结构”引导一个新句子，对前面内容做进一步的说明。

5. 此处标点符号的使用又出了问题，分号应改为句号。前文“One the one hand...”的意思已经表达完整，后面的句子用“On the other hand...”引导另一个方面，表达与前句不同的意义，所以应另起一句。

参考范文

Working Individually or Working in a Team

There are basically two ways to get work done. One is to work individually; the other is to work in a team. Both ways have advantages. Working alone allows people to have more freedom in deciding when to start the work and how to do the work. 1In addition, working individually can exercise people's abilities to solve problems on their own.

Working in a team can benefit people too. In a team, people can learn from each other and help each other, 2which will cultivate people's team work spirit as well as communication skills. Also, many difficult problems can be addressed in a better and effective way by group discussions.

Personally, 3I am in support of working in a team. In addition to the above-mentioned reasons, working in a team may lessen the workload because it can be shared by several people.

参考句型

1. In addition: 另外，加之。相当于副词，可替换besides，通常用于对前文的补充。例：You need money and time; in addition, you need diligence. (你需要金钱和时间，另外，你还需要努力。)与之意义相近的词组还有in addition to，意思是“除……之外(还)”。其中to是介词，后面一般接名词或动名词(组)，例：In addition to apples you asked for, I bought you some oranges. (除了你要的苹果，我还给你买了些橘子。)

2. Which引导的非限定性定语从句。值得注意的是，“which”在这里指代的是前面的整个句子“people can learn from each other and help each other”，这是which在非限定性定语从句中十分常见的一种用法。

3. 表达“赞成、支持”时，除了可以使用“agree to”、“support”外，还可以使用词组“be in support of”。这句话还可以说成“I am in favor of working in a team”或者“I prefer to work in a team”。

有用的表达方式

1.varyv. 变化

She often varies the way she stands.

Colouring, for example, varies according to what the producers are trying to sell. (2004 广东)

提示：该词的形容词是various，表示“不同的，多种多样的”，可以替代“different”。

Read about the following situations and discuss them in groups. Evaluate them from various points of view and try to make the best decision.

2.on one's own独自地，独立地

提示：该词组的同义词有alone、independently等。

Do you prefer doing things on your own or in a group?

= Do you prefer doing things alone or in a group?

= Do you prefer doing things independently or in a group?

3.enablev. 使能够

提示：该词的固定搭配是：enable sb. to do sth.

Tears also enable us to understand our emotions better; sometimes we don't even know we're very sad until we cry. (2005 安徽)

Ms Chaseling said cats were popular in service industries because they enabled a point of conversation. (2005 全国)

4.in addition 另外

提示：该词组的同义词有besides、also等。

As a result, new comfort stations have been added, the number of campsites has been increased, and we've made other facility (设施) improvements. In addition, we'll be providing more educational programs.

Usually considered shy and seldom seen, these lions are becoming more noticeable. In addition, the lions appear to be moving east.

5． exercise v. 练习，锻炼

提示：大家熟悉的是exercise作为名词的用法，但它作为动词使用也非常普遍，一般指“能力，思维等得到锻炼”，有时可以与train互换。

It was clear that Flavia had been exercised by this thought. (《朗文当代高级英语辞典》)

6.cultivatev. 培养，养成

Unlike Vitamin C, leadership skills can't be easily swallowed down. They must be carefully cultivated. (2005 广东)

7.addressv. 解决(问题，争端)

提示：解决问题除了用“solve a problem”外，还可以用“address a problem”、“tackle a problem”等。

We did not expect or intend that the project should address issues of this kind. (《朗文当代高级英语辞典》)

You have to continually be proactive to address issues of racism. (《朗文当代高级英语辞典》)

(注：未标明出处的例句均选自高中课本)