ＪＯＫＥＳ

铁　龙

A

A snail（蜗牛）was climbing up a young cherry (樱桃)tree when a beetle spied (发现)him.

“Say，”said the beetle(甲虫)，“there arent any cherries in that tree.”

“I know，”replied the snail,“but there will be by the time I get there.”

B

The absent-minded professor went around in a revolving door（旋转门）for six hours because he couldnt remember whether he was going in or coming out.

C

If it wasnt for Thomas Edison and his invention of electric light bulb(电灯泡), wed all be watching television by candle light(蜡烛).

D

Did you hear about the absent-minded professor who stood in front of a mirror for two hours, wondering where hed seen himself before.

E

The doctor was so absent-minded that on his wedding (婚礼)day，when it came time to put the ring on his wifes finger, he felt her pulse(脉搏)and asked her to stick(伸出)her tongue out.

F

A small boy in a department store was standing watching the escalator(自动扶梯).

“Something wrong, boy?”inquired a clerk.

“No，”replied the boy, “just waiting for my chewing gum (口香糖)to come back.”

G

Two young men who were joining the Navy(海军)were asked,“Do you know how to swim?”They both looked puzzled(迷惑)，“Whats the matter? Arent there enough ships?”

H

A lawyer（律师）sent an overdue(过期未付的)bill(账单) to a client (当事人)with a note that read，“This bill is one year old.”The client returned the bill with a note that read,“Happy birthady!”

I

An absent-minded storekeeper came back from lunch and saw a sign(告示)on his door which read ，“Out to lunch.”So he sat down to wait for himself.

J

“Please, Mister, will you give me two dollars so I can get to see my mother and father?”

“Where are your parents, little boy?”

“At the movie.”

K

Two little boys wanted to ask a favor of (请……帮忙)their mother.

“You ask her,”said Paul, age ten.

“No,”said Roy, age nine,“You ask her, youve known her longer than I have.”

L

“You ought to be ashamed（惭愧）,”a father told his lazy son,“When George Washington was at your age, he was a surveyor (检查官)”.

“And when he was at your age,”the boy replied, “he was president of the United States.”

M

Four-year-old Tommy walked into his house one day carrying a worm.

“What，”demanded his mother, “are you doing with that worm?”

“We were playing outside，”replied the boy, “and I thought Id show him my room.”

N

One day a really skinny (骨瘦如柴的)man was walking along when he met a really fat man. The fat man said，“Looks like youve been in a famine(饥荒).”So the skinny man said,“Looks like you caused(引起，造成)it.”

O

Little Tommy just returned from his first day of school.“Tell me son,”asked his mother, “did you learn anything today?”

“A little,”answered Tommy in disgust(厌烦),“but not enough, I have to go back again tomorrow.”

P

Im having a terrible time in school. According to that last test, my stupidity(愚笨)potential（潜势）is going up again!