书面表达练与析

亚　玲

目前，城里人喜欢到农村过周末，而农村人喜欢到城里过周末，阅读下表内容写一篇短文介绍生活中的这一变化，并说明自己的感受。

字数：120左右。

学生习作：

Now, the city people and country people in our country spend their weekends in a different way.

After a week of hard work, the city people would like to drive their cars to ∧ ①country. They perform all kinds of activities such as fishing, traveling and hiking. In there② they can breathe fresh air and enjoy beautiful scenery so that they can relax them③ and keep fit.

At the same time, the country people like to take buses to cities. They go shopping, see films or enjoy concerts∧ ④ improve their life quality and experience modern culture.

In my opinion, the different ways of spend⑤ the weekends of the city people and country people show that peoples living level has been great⑥ raised and their living style has also changed as a result of the development of our modern industry and agriculture.

修改说明：

①country表示“农村”时前面应加定冠词the。②there为副词，前面不必用介词修饰，因此In there应改为There。③此处宾语与主语指相同的人，因此应用反身代词的形式，them应改为themselves。④此处做目的状语，应由不定式担任，因此concerts后面应加to。⑤of为介词，后面应接动名词，因此spend应改为spending。⑥raised为过去分词，应用副词修饰，所以great应改为greatly。

点评：本篇书面表达习作为比较式说明文。习作者根据写作要求从周末活动、出行方式、活动目的、原因分析等几个角度表达文意，文章层次清晰，脉络分明。Now, At the same time, In my opinion等过渡性词汇的使用使文章叙述更合理，思路更连贯、逻辑更严密。such as列举句型、so that目的状语从句、that宾语从句、and并列句等高级表达方式的运用增强了文章的表达效果，提高了文章的表达档次。所有这些成为本文一个个骄人之处。然而本文也存在一些不足之处，出现了一些语言表达方面的错误，如冠词错误、介词错误、代词错误、非谓语动词错误、形容词、副词混用错误，表明习作者语言表达能力还不够完美，有待于今后进一步提高。然而，从总体上讲本文有不少可取之处，值得读者借鉴。

参考答案：

Now, the city people and country people in our country spend their weekends in a different way.

After a week of hard work, the city peo-ple would like to drive their cars to the coun-try. They perform all kinds of activities such as fishing, traveling and hiking. There they can breathe fresh air and enjoy beautiful scenery so that they can relax themselves and keep fit.

At the same time, the country people like to take buses to cities. They go shopping, see films or enjoy concerts to improve their life quality and experience modern culture.

In my opinion, the different ways of spending the weekends of the city people and country people show that peoples living level has been greatly raised and their living style has also changed as a result of the development of our modern industry and agriculture.