Fell for a Girl

Huang Jingou

This book is an entertaining novel， but also an unconventional take on philosophy. A-gou， a man always getting the short end of the stick in conversations， once he dons a mysteriously acquired mask， gains the voices of philosophers， turning him into an unbeatable debate machine. In seven everyday scenarios， with the help of the mask， A-gou summons various philosophers to address topics like prejudice， self， friendship， and love， masterfully out-debating friends， bosses， parents， and even lovers. But to everyones surprise， A-gou eventually discards the mask. He realizes that while philosophers can logically and rationally out-debate anyone， those he debates are often the ones who deeply care for him. Winning against them isnt as satisfying as being loved， even if hes not the best at arguing.

Instead of saying he was smitten with Perlumi at first sight， its more accurate to say he was instantly repulsed. While its often said that birds of a feather flock together， A-gou feels that his consistent bad luck is due to being around people who are his complete opposite. A-gou once believed that “excuses” are a handy expression for those with high emotional intelligence. When a child bumps into a table leg， the parent comforts the child， blaming the “naughty table leg.” A typical negative example in parenting shows. But what about when applied in adult interactions？ At least its A-gous preferred approach. Hed probably tell a guest， “Sorry， my colleague called in sick today. Im a bit swamped.” Or “The kitchen just mentioned they can make Basque， I havent had the chance to jot it down.” In any case， hed come up with a somewhat acceptable excuse. In A-gous view， once the excuse is spoken， both parties feel more at ease. An excuse， in essence， is an attitude. It attributes the situation either to chance or to external circumstances. In short， it distances oneself from the situation， making it foreign. Once done， both parties can easily move on without taking responsibility.

Yet Perlumi never gave any excuse， leaving A-gou feeling stranded and furious， like watching someone pull away the ladder while hes on the roof. Borges said， “What we avoid speaks volumes about ourselves.” A-gou thought he despised Perlumi because she wasnt “public” in her expressions. By “public，” he meant routinely saying “sorry” or “my apologies.” Even though he knew these were just words， could the real feelings of the speaker be encapsulated by them？ Does saying sorry really convey genuine remorse？

But what if not？ Was A-gou expecting a lengthy， self-blaming confession from Perlumi？ Clearly not. After all， words cant capture the richness of the worlds objects or emotions. We merely use a limited vocabulary in various combinations to describe objects or express feelings. Imagine each of us has an opaque box. Regardless of its contents， we call it a “beetle，” and we cant see into each others boxes. Thus， our entire understanding of the “beetle” is based on the box， even if mine contains a frog and yours has dung. Using the term “beetle，” I can tell you mine feels warm， and you say yours has long legs.

This raises the question： “Can language truly convey feelings？” Since everyones description of the beetle stems from personal perceptions. You might ask， “Why not just open the boxes and look inside？” Indeed. If its something external， whether a frog or feces， why not just share and show？ But what about ones feelings or emotions？ Who can truly open their heart to another without reservation？ Even if youre willing， how do you convey your “thoughts”？ Isnt it through language？ Youve felt the sea breeze of the Indian Ocean and dined on mussels stewed in white wine across from Bruges Church of the Holy Blood. Yet， you return to your small coastal hometown and tell your younger brother， still in middle school and never having left home， “The sea here at home is the most beautiful.” He replies， “Yes， this sea is the most beautiful in the world.” You both understand each other， yet it seems only half-heartedly.

In A-gous view， “sincerity” is not necessarily the condition for understanding between adults. Instead， perfunctory apologies out of habit are.

Perhaps， from the moment we distinguish between ourselves and others， learning to express feelings not truly felt or holding back feelings we cannot express， we begin to feel lonely.

“Language is a net， the world is the ocean. When cast， the water seeps through countless holes.”

Do you think A-gou likes this？ Hes just used to it. If asked for  the first impression of Perlumi in A-gous eyes： slow-witted， socially unaware. So he thought he disliked her， but he was just not used to her. “‘I dont like it — ‘Why？ — ‘I cant handle it. Has anyone ever responded this way？”

A-gou couldnt find any familiar patterns in Perlumi. Or rather， she hadnt confined her world to any patterns. Initially， his slight aversion quickly turned into immense attraction. A-gou became curious about her and about the world behind her — uncaged. He felt he understood maybe half of that world， yet he also felt it might be more than one and a half times.

He knew， by his usual judgment， that Perlumis way of dealing with things could easily offend people. Yet， he felt reckless， wanting to stir things up with her.

But this detailed analysis is for detached onlookers. Those involved just want to let go and accelerate. After all， when he later pursued her， it wasnt based on any organized rationale.

After the show， they headed to the subway station.

Zha Zihu asked A-gou， “So， do you think shes impressed with you now？”

“Hard to say. With hundreds of audience members coming and going， and I dont come every day.”

“Bro， cant you speak up？ Cant you say something？”

“Whats there to say？”

“Come on， youve always been this way， even with your ex.”

“What about me？”

“Youre a pushover. Others might exaggerate their deeds， but you？ You dont even express what youve done for others. Cant you let them know？ You， by nature， always end up shortchanged.”

“Whatever， think what you want.”

Huh？ What happened？ A-gous last sentence was muted！

Its true！ For about three seconds， even though he kept yelling “Hey！” with increasing force， no sound came out. Before he could react， his mask tightened slightly， and its temperature went from room temperature to warm. A-gou lowered his head， not daring to look at Zha Zihu， as if reflecting on a conspiracy he hadnt yet enacted.

“Even if you say that about me， I wouldnt say you fundamentally love to generalize others”.

This was spoken in A-gous voice， but it wasnt A-gou who said it. The mask was finally revealing itself. For A-gou， this was a surreal experience. For the first time， while talking to someone， he was more curious than they were about what hed say next.

The Parrot Pauses

Brushing Its Teeth

Huang Jingou

Published by Northwest University Press

May 2023

49.00 （CNY）

Huang Jingou

Huang Jingou is a philosophy doctorate from Tsinghua University and a lecturer in the philosophy department at Capital Normal University.