捕捉明暗线，双线并行

2022-10-13广东陈丽芳

疯狂英语·新读写 2022年10期

关键词：暗线故事情节篇文章

广东陈丽芳

【问题导读】

通常来说，一个故事常常有两条线索，也就是明线和暗线。明线主要指的是故事的情节线，暗线主要是指故事的情感线。我们如果能合理使用思维导图、表格等梳理文章的明暗线，那么，我们所续写的段落在语言、内容、逻辑上便能符合原文基调。

【名师导学】

一、梳理原文情节

梳理原文情节是读后续写最基本的阅读技能，我们只有深入解读并梳理原文情节，续写时，才能做到一脉相承，延续原文情节，构建合理的故事。我们可以根据以下方式来梳理原文情节：

1.根据时空顺序来梳理。读后续写由一系列小情节构成，每个情节就是不同时间、不同地点下人物的具体活动，我们可以依托时间、场景的变化来梳理原文的情节线。

2.根据故事发展来梳理。我们可以先给文章各段落标上序号，然后按照情节的开端、发展、高潮和结局来划分文章结构，进而梳理情节。

3.根据故事主人公的动作链来梳理。动作能够有效推进情节的发展，梳理主人公的动作链可以帮助我们把握故事情节的发展。

二、梳理原文情感

故事情节无论如何发展，总是为塑造人物形象服务的。梳理故事情节的过程就是感受人物人格的过程，是解读人物心理或情感变化的过程，也是理解原文主题的过程。我们要通过充分捕捉表达情感的语言来梳理原文人物情感的变化。

【案例导引】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

Paula is a 55-year-old woman living in New Jersey.She lives a happy life without concern for financial or social problems and she constantly shares laughs with her family and friends.About ten years ago,her husband Michael gave her a gold ring with a diamond in iton their 20th wedding anniversary.She cherished it very much and wore it every day.

Having been married for almost 30 years,Paula had everything set for herself,and knew that her life in New Jersey was a satisfying one.One day,Paula was in the bathroom happily cleaning everything up,from the sink to the floor.She wanted to keep her house clean and beautiful.As soon as Paula finished washing the bathtub,she moved on to the part she feared most:the toilet.Wanting to get it out of the way,she quickly cleaned the inside of the toilet with a brush,and flushed the soap away.After finishing,she felt there was something wrong,but she couldn't think of what it was.

Paula's heart skipped a beat when she noticed that her left ring finger felt a bit lighter.She slowly looked down at her ring finger,hoping that her treasured anniversary gift was still on it.She was frightened to see that it was lost.She didn't notice that she flushed it down the toilet.Paula said,“I must have flushed it down.It had been a little big on my finger,because it was winter time and my hands were smaller.”She felt so bad about it.She was sad and embarrassed.

She couldn't believe that she just let thousands of dollars go down the drain(下水道)literally.She searched the bathroom and even the house,hoping that she just dropped it somewhere and forgot about it.She even took apart the toilet and searched the inside pipes with a flashlight,but in vain.Paula had no idea how to explain this to her husband.To buy the ring,Michael worked extra hard before the anniversary,so to tell him the bad news was unimaginable for Paula.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1:

She softly knocked on the door to their bedroom._______________________________

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Paragraph 2:

After finishing her explanation,Paula wiped away her tears and waited for Michael to say something._______________________________________________

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一、梳理故事背景

女主人公宝拉在打扫卫生间的时候，弄丢了丈夫迈克尔送给自己的珍贵戒指，既难过又焦虑不安的宝拉决定跟丈夫坦白。

❖Time:one day❖Place:in the bathroom and in the bedroom❖Characters:Paula and Michael❖Setting:Paula's gold ring was flushed down the toilet.

二、理清故事脉络

根据情节的发展，宝拉即将推开房门，推开门后，宝拉看到了谁？迈克尔在房间吗？她又将如何跟他说清事实？这将是我们接下来要续写的内容。

三、分析故事情节

再次阅读以上短文，根据原文情节梳理人物的情感变化。

根据以上的情节梳理，我们可以用更加形象的U形曲线表现宝拉的情感变化。U形曲线是读后续写人物情感发展的常见形态，情感最终的走向通常是积极正面的。宝拉最后的情感应该呼应首段中的She lives a happy life，所以故事最后肯定会有一个完美的结局。那么戒指有没有可能失而复得呢？是找到了，还是重新买的呢？在构思续写第二段的情节的时候，我们可以通过结局去反推。

四、探究文章主题

文章第一段的“She lives a happy life...laughs with family and friends.”奠定了整个故事的感情基调——家庭美满、生活幸福，所以这篇文章的主题应为夫妻间相互的理解和宽容。

【参考范文】

Paragraph 1:

She softly knocked on the door to their bedroom.In order to release her fearfulness,Paula hid her hands behind her back.Michael noticed her,turned his head to her,and said merrily,“Come here,honey.”Paula walked towards him slowly,as if there were something dragging her.Sitting behind him nervously,Paula tried to control her uneasy facial expression as possible as she could.Thinking of the lost ring,she was so afraid that she couldn't help crying.Michael hugged her nervously and asked her what was going on.When there was no way,Paula explained the whole situation to him.

Paragraph 2:

After finishing her explanation,Paula wiped away her tears and waited for Michael to say something.Minutes ticked by.Michael said to her gently,“I'm sorry to hear that,but you should go to sleep first.”So exhausted was Paula that she fell asleep quickly.Next morning,Paula woke up.All of a sudden,she caught sight of a box on the bedside table.Paula opened it confusedly.To her great surprise,there was the ring the same as the lostone.Soon she realized that her husband got up early to buy her an identical ring.Paula was greatly moved,picked it up and bathed in the sunshine.

【模拟导练】

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

On a Sunday afternoon,Kiana French was fishing with her father and younger sister,not knowing the next minute,they would struggle not to sink in the freezing water.Their 12-foot boat was taking in water little by little,and the wind was picking up.Her father,Gary French,hurried to operate the engine,while Kiana,16,was in the middle with Cierrah,her sister,frightened but still able to keep calm.

Kiana asked Cierrah to take off one of her cowboy boots,with which she got some of the water out.Hard as she tried,that little effort would not help stop the boat sinking.Moments later,the unthinkable happened.The boat was full of water and then it flipped over.Kiana and her sister were dumped in the water.Their father,who had had a surgery six months ago,managed not to be thrown into the water but seemed to have great pain in the chest due to the sudden change.

Kiana quickly put on her life jacket and saw Cierrah's and her father's life jackets floating away.She reacted quickly to get them back and held her sister onto the boat.They were so far out in the middle of the lake that they could not see the shore clearly.What's worse,it was getting harder to stay above the waves.Their father swam over and hugged his two girls,Cierrah crying silently.Kiana heard her beloved sister murmur,“I can't feel my feet.”

Kiana knew the only thing to do was go to shore herself and find help.She looked up at her father,exchanging a concerned glance,turned round and swam as hard as she could towards the shore.

Fighting against the strong currents and cold wind,she screamed for help at the top of her lungs every three minutes or so.A strong wind blew,and she looked back only to see her sister's and father's heads bobbing（浮动）in the water.She burst into tears,thinking her sister and dad were dead,because she was taking too long.

谢天谢地，我没看清黑影是谁，估摸对方也没看清我。要是看清了对方的脸面，那就不光是尴尬，可能还有大麻烦。

注意：

1.所续写短文的词数应为150左右；

2.续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好。

Paragraph 1:

With desperate tears,she suddenly spotted a boat with a figure walking on it.______

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Once rescued,they were rushed to shore,where a concerned group were waiting for their arrival.______________________________________________________________

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【评价导思】

1.在分析这篇文章的情节时，你用了什么方法？

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2.续写这篇文章的时候，你找到了明暗线吗？你是如何利用明暗线来帮助自己写作的？

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3.在结尾升华时，你有没有点明文章主题？

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