深度学习视角下“手绘思维导图 助力读后续写”

吕少曼

读后续写主要依照内容情节、词汇语法及衔接连贯等三个评价维度分7档评分。如何帮助考生高效审题答题，是亟需解决的问题。深度学习是新课标积极倡导的学习方式，而思维简图可将抽象的思维及信息可视化，本文以2021年新高考全国I卷读后续写为例，说明如何手绘思维导图，助力读后续写。

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

A MOTHERS DAY SURPRISE

The twins were filled with excitement as they thought of the surprise they were planning for Mothers Day. How pleased and proud Mother would be when they brought her breakfast in bed. They planned to make French toast and chicken porridge. They had watched their mother in the kitchen. There was nothing to it. Jenna and Jeff knew exactly what to do.

The big day came at last. The alarm rang at 6 a.m. The pair went down the stairs quietly to the kitchen. They decided to boil the porridge first. They put some rice into a pot of water and left it to boil while they made the French toast. Jeff broke two eggs into a plate and added in some milk. Jenna found the bread and put two slices into the egg mixture. Next， Jeff turned on the second stove burner to heat up the frying pan. Everything was going smoothly until Jeff started frying the bread. The pan was too hot and the bread turned black within seconds. Jenna threw the burnt piece into the sink and put in the other slice of bread. This time， she turned down the fire so it cooked nicely.

Then Jeff noticed steam shooting out of the pot and the lid starting to shake. The next minute， the porridge boiled over and put out the fire. Jenna panicked. Thankfully， Jeff stayed calm and turned off the gas quickly. But the stove was a mess now. Jenna told Jeff to clean it up so they could continue to cook the rest of the porridge. But Jeffs hand touched the hot burner and he gave a cry of pain. Jenna made him put his hand in cold water. Then she caught the smell of burning. Oh dear！ The piece of bread in the pan had turned black as well.

注意：1. 續写词数应为 150 左右。

2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。

As the twins looked around them in disappointment， their father appeared.__________________________________________

_____________________________________________________

The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up.____________________________________________

_____________________________________________________

一、读后续写六步解题

1. 记住WHO原则，划出关键信息

我们阅读文本时着重找出记叙文的七个要点5W1H1O（简称为“WHO”），即语篇涉及的人物（who）、地点（where）、时间（when）、事件（what）、故事的起因（why）、发展过程（how），以及文章的架构（order）。具体问题链如下：

Who were the main characters in this story？

When and where did this story happen？

What happened in the given part of the story？Why？How？

What order was the story organized？

我们应边读边快速划出关键信息，尽快进入答题状态。

2. 手绘思维导图，梳理故事脉络

我们划出关键词句后，可手绘思维简图梳理信息，提炼故事主干信息。如：

3. 画出Story mountain，解读记叙文

记叙文一般包括开端、发展、高潮、回落、结局。故事的主要冲突和矛盾一般发生在原文高潮部分，而故事的回落和结局就是考生要续写的部分。2021新高考全国I卷读后续写标题A MOTHERS DAY SURPRISE及故事开端中How pleased and proud Mother would be when they brought her breakfast in bed 皆为续写结局埋下伏笔。故事开端中双胞胎迫不及待想为妈妈准备早餐，故事发展时他们进展顺利，到高潮时他们状况百出、手忙脚乱，这些皆为结局埋下暗线。续写时要注意与前文呼应，故下文要有双胞胎做好早餐并拿到妈妈床前，母亲惊喜交加的场景设置，展现亲情和爱的主题。故事山如下图：

4. 关注两个段首句，定好故事发展线

读后续写要注意多维度衔接，包括与所给段首句的衔接，续写第一段与第二段的衔接，续写段落与原文在内容逻辑、思维模式及语言风格上的衔接，故事内在意义也要连贯且凸显主题。我们续写前应重点分析两个段首句，第二个段首句尤为关键，它暗示了故事的发展走向，对结局的设定至关重要。由于续写语篇要求150词左右，且分为两段，而结局一般由两三个主要场景构成。考生注意不能因某个小场景占用过多篇幅，喧宾夺主。如果次要场景过度渲染，主要场景因篇幅不够草草了事，会使文章布局失衡影响得分。所以，列提纲，会取舍，有全局观很重要。该题依据段首句中their father appeared及The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up. 我们可手绘思维导图列提纲如下：

5. 巧用细节描写图，增强故事画面感

细节描写不是越多越好，应紧扣主题合理设置。我们要分配好几个主要场景的篇幅，并精选适当的动作、心理、情感、语言、环境描写，以增强故事的可读性。该题故事发生在厨房，环境刻画没有发展空间，可弱化环境描写，着重于动作和情感描写来凸显亲情主题。此外，可适当设计简短对话，并灵活使用衔接词和多样化的句式，在语言的风格和形式上与原文协同。我们可手绘思维导图，列出需要的词块句式。如：

6. 重视结尾，深化主题

2021年新高考全国I卷读后续写围绕人与自我主题，选取了母亲节当天为母亲做早饭的语篇，呈现了劳动教育，親情、和谐家庭的主题，该考题主要体现了德智体美劳中的劳育和德育。续写部分明线是“A Mothers Day Surprise”，暗线是“love among families”，我们只要围绕主题，采用自然结尾式、以景结情式、哲理式结尾等均可。

二、参考范文及习作对比点评

1. 2021年新高考全国I卷读后续写由原文微调后的参考范文如下（采用自然结尾式）：

As the twins looked around them in disappointment， their father appeared. One look and he knew what they were up to（动作词块、宾语从句）. Seeing（doing做状语）their discouraged faces（神态词块）， he told them to clean up（动作词块）the kitchen while he helped them make breakfast for Mother（时间状语从句）. The twins cheered up（情感词块）and did as told（动作词块）. Within an hour（衔接词）， the kitchen was cleaned（被动句）， and Father had made some egg sandwiches and cooked some oat porridge. Then（衔接词）he sneaked back to bed（动作词块）. The twins prepared the breakfast tray（动作词块）， adding a card（doing做伴随状语）they had made（后置定语）and stepped out of the kitchen.（动作词块）

The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up.They hugged her， yelling（doing做伴随状语）“Happy Mothers Day， darling Mummy！”（简短对话，呼应前文）Mother hugged the twins. Her eyes widened at the sight of the breakfast tray（情感词块， eyes widened 呼应标题surprise）. She shook Father who was pretending to snore（定语从句）. He feigned astonishment（情绪词块）when he saw the breakfast（时间状语从句）. Mother bit into a sandwich（动作词块）and said it was the best she had ever tasted（句型，凸显主题love）. Jeff immediately wanted to have a bite. Jenna caught her fathers eye and they winked at each other secretly（动词词块）.

点评：该文内容完整，情节合理，句式丰富，能运用课标词汇及精彩词块，故事画面感强。

2. 笔者指导学生按六步解题法解答2021年新高考全国I卷读后续写，习作如下：

As the twins looked around them in disappointment， their father appeared. Seeing the kitchen in a mess（doing做状语、环境描写）， he immediately realized what happened（宾语从句）. The twins felt upset（情绪词块）and said“We just want to give mommy a surprise， help us， daddy.”（简短对话，呼应标题surprise）Father agreed with a friendly smile（神态、动作词块）. The twins did as their father said， cleaning up（动作词块）the messy kitchen soon. Then（衔接词）with the help of their father， the twins cooked the breakfast again. Fortunately（衔接词）， everything seemed perfect in the end. The twins felt more than delighted（情感词块）when they walked out of the kitchen with their breakfast tray（时间状语从句）. Then they added a card for Mothers Day with their best wishes.

The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up. Unaware of（形容詞短语）what happened（宾语从句）， mother waked up with her eyes half widening to see the twins（动作词块）. What a surprise it was！（感叹句，呼应标题surprise）Their mother was so moved（情感词块）that she hugged her two sweethearts happily. Joyfully（衔接词），Jeff couldnt wait to taste the yummy porridge while Jenna bit the delicious bread（状语从句）. Mother read the card and ate the tasty breakfast with the twins， expressing her happiness and gratitude（动作、情感词块）. She said this was the best gift that she ever received（句式，点题）. Father also pretended to be amazed to see the breakfast the twins brought to them（后置定语）. What really happened in the morning（主语从句）was a sweet secret among father and the twins. What an unforgettable Mothers Day for the family！（结尾点题）

点评：该文情节合理，主题积极，故事连贯，语言流畅，但稍欠文采。我们要在学习中整理笔记，积累词块，学习范文及英文原著中丰富细致的表达。

三、结语

考生可依据“读”“看”“写”深度结合的六步解题法，辅以手绘思维导图，实现“阅读”和“写作”的深度融合。考生应有意识地使用3500高中课标词汇，并围绕主题适当使用细节描写和多样化句型，提升语篇文采。续写故事要注意与原文的融洽度，须内容结构完整、情节逻辑合理、语言准确丰富、衔接连贯自然。总之，记住“who在山上，段首细节，主题结尾，衔接连贯”口诀，审好记叙文，写好读后续写语篇。

责任编辑 蒋小青