Quarantine Jokes

After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time,this week I discovered that wasn’t the reason.

多年来，我一直想彻底打扫房子，苦于没有时间。在家隔离了两周，我发现原因根本不在这儿。

If I keep stress-eating at this level,the buttons on my shirt will start socially distancing from each other.

如果我继续保持这个饮食水平，衬衫上的纽扣都将彼此保持社交距离。

Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

牛仔裤需要每隔几天试穿一下，看看是否合身。睡衣会让你相信这个国家一切都很好。

I’m not talking to myself,I’m having a parent-teacher conference.

我不是在自言自语，我在开家长会。

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat.It was obvious she thought her cat understood her.I came into my house,told my dog—we laughed a lot.

今天早上，我看到一个邻居在和她的猫说话。很明显，她认为她的猫明白她的意思。我赶回家，把这事告诉我的狗狗，我们大笑不止。

Day 121 at home and the dog is looking at me like,“See? This is why I chew the furniture!”

在家隔离的第121 天，我家狗狗看着我，好像在说：“明白了不？知道我为啥撕咬家具了吧？”

Yeah,I have plans tonight.I’ll probably hit the living room around 8 or 9.

是的，我今晚有安排。我可能会在9 点钟左右去客厅。