How to Talk to Toddlers About Child Abuse Prevention

Julie Federico

I became interested in teaching preschoolers about child abuse prevention while I worked as a middle school counselor. The children at my school were 11 to 14 years old. They often recounted abuse that had happened to them when they were 0-8 years old. Most of them had never self-disclosed the abuse. As they aged， they were demonstrating risk-taking behaviors to try to combat the long-term effects of untreated abuse. Alcohol， drugs， and early sexual experiences did not heal or stop the pain they had lived with for so long. I felt powerless to help them in their recovery efforts. I wanted to rewind and start at the beginning and prevent child abuse rather than do remediation from widespread child abuse. After 20 years of doing this work， it became apparent to me that there was a huge information void on the topic of how to talk to very young children about child abuse prevention. I wrote the landmark childrens book Some Parts are NOT for Sharing in 2007 and happily began my prevention career. In this paper， I will describe the details of how to talk to young children about child abuse and why this is so crucial for childrens safety.

Keywords： child abuse， child abuse prevention， child abuse prevention and toddlers， parenting resource， parenting， abuse prevention， how to prevent child abuse， safety， body safety， body safety and toddlers， how to talk to toddlers about body safety， teacher resources， preschool teacher resources， resources for elementary school counselors， daycare resources， stop child abuse， how to prevent child abuse， child abuse prevention， julie federico， some parts are not for sharing

Previous Research

Regretfully I could not find significant data/research from research institutions on how educating children about child abuse prevention can decrease ones risk of abuse. It seems as if this topic has not reached mainstream academia yet. Material about abuse： Its Hard to Talk about Child Abuse by Erin Gloeckner and Melanie Lockwood Herman （2020）； “Understanding and preventing child abuse and neglect”（https：//www.apa.org/pi/families/resources/understanding-child-abuse）； the Kemp Center at the University of Colorado does child abuse research （https：//medschool.cuanschutz.edu/pediatrics/sections/child-abuse-and-neglectkempe-center/research）； Step 3： Talk about it—Talking to kids about sexual abuse（https：//www.d2l.org/education/5-steps/step-3/）.

Introduction

Alekseeva （2007） stated，

Children make up the segment of society that is the most defenseless， vulnerable， and completely dependent on adults. It is the fault of adults when children end up in areas of natural disasters and catastrophes or zones of military combat operation and become the hostages and victims of physical， sexual， and emotional violence. （p. 1）

“If you want to see the value of a nation， pay close attention to the way they （mis）treat children—for all children are pure， but not all adults are”.1

Abuse manipulates and twists a childs natural sense of trust and love. Her innocent feelings are belittled or mocked and she learns to ignore her feelings. She cant afford to feel the full range of feelings in her body while shes being abused—pain， outrage， hate， vengeance， confusion， arousal. So she short-circuits them and goes numb. For many children， any expression of feelings， even a single tear， is cause for more severe abuse. Again， the only recourse is to shut down. Feelings go underground. （Davis， 1991）

“It is amazing how much talk there is about forgiving the perpetrator and how little there is about holding them accountable” （Goodwin， 2021）.

This topic needs to be addressed for obvious reasons. New federal child abuse and neglect data show an increase in the number of victims who suffered maltreatment for the first time since 2015. As in past years， rates of abuse and neglect are the highest among infants and young children. Of the 3，534，000 million （rounded） children who were the subject of an investigation or alternative response in the fiscal year 2018， 678，000（rounded） children were determined to be victims of maltreatment， up from 674，000 （rounded） victims in 2017. In total， 60.8 percent of victims were neglected， 10.7 percent were physically abused， and 7.0 percent were sexually abused. More than 15 percent were victims of two or more maltreatment types （The Administration for Children and Families， 2020）.

There is conflicting information on whether child abuse cases have increased or decreased during the pandemic. Mandatory reporters were removed from childrens lives when schools closed. This made the total number of reported child abuse cases decline. As families spent more time at home， and some families faced extreme financial pressure after laying off and losing jobs， I believe actual cases of child abuse have increased. These cases were not reported because the people who would have reported them were not in contact with children. Children are in more danger now than ever because of the changes in our lives and the changes coming in the future. Fortunately， most schools， for now， are open although many have had to temporarily close in the Fall of 2021.

Main Body

The goals of my research were to increase conversations between parents and children by training parents on how easy it is to talk to young people about child abuse prevention. This topic is worth examining to decrease the ever-increasing number of children who are being abused every year. Knowledge is power and I like to give children as much knowledge as is age-appropriate to keep them safe. When parents talk to children about body safety and give them permission to self-disclose if something happens to them， this empowers and protects children. If parents choose to say nothing， children say nothing， and nothing changes. I try to get parents， children， and the community to talk about child abuse prevention. Child abuse is a house of cards built on silence. Without silence， it quickly tumbles. Children need to be given permission to talk about child abuse and that it is okay to refuse unwanted touch. The most important thing that parents can say to children is， “I want to know if anyone touches you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable”. Children know instinctively that inappropriate touch is wrong. They also do not know what to do if someone does cross this line. I want this to be the last generation of children who are uneducated about body safety. I would like to move child abuse into a public health issue. When you ride a bike， you wear a helmet； when you drive in a car， you wear a seatbelt. When someone touches you in a way that makes you uncomfortable， you tell a trusted adult. Public health topics do not have the same stigma that child abuse topics do. I believe child abuse is still a taboo topic because so many adults were victimized as children and never told anyone. These parents are dealing with trauma that they might not even be aware they have. They are continuing with the no-talk theme because of their experiences， and children are suffering by the millions. It is time to talk； it is time to protect. It is time to educate！

Many adults get confused when talking about this topic. They lump body safety into conversations of premarital sex， consent， and teenage sexual behaviors. This is completely inappropriate. Body safety is body safety—nothing else， nothing more. The rules of body safety are：

1. Your body is your own；

2. You always deserve to be safe；

3. If someone touches you in a way that makes you feel unsafe， tell a trusted adult.

Children will understand these rules at a very young age. I read Some Parts are NOT for Sharing to my 18-month-old daughter. A month later， we were carving pumpkins and she asked me， “Mom， do pumpkins have private parts？” I knew then that I could change childrens lives for the better. My daughter was just a regular 18-month-old who understood my body safety talk. There is no greater gift a parent can give than the gift of safety.

I have talked at two national conferences on child abuse prevention. I gave the presentation “How to Talk to 2-year-old about child abuse prevention” at the Darkness into Light Conference and the Prevent Child Abuse America Conference. Both of these talks were very well received by conference attendees. They welcomed the information. Many of them reported they had never heard a talk about this material. I think this is sad. This information is so easy to understand and deliver. It can really change lives when we educate our children. This is a link to the audio recording （at https：//tinyurl.com/kexpacpk）.

Child abuse has exploded in our society. It is a problem with no voice， no street riots， basically no sound except the sound of children crying themselves to sleep. Child abuse is built on silence， but if this one card is removed， the whole house of cards crashes to the ground. I have been working since 2007 to get schools， families， parents， and teachers to talk about child abuse. Specifically， child abuse prevention. Child abuse is 93 percent preventable. Ninety-three percent of children know their perpetrator， contrary to what the media serves viewers. Ninety-three percent of the time， parents introduced the perpetrator to their children.

Famillies play a siggnificant rolein decreasingg child abuseand are the cchief source tto educate theeir children. Parents nneed soundadvice annd help dooing this.An excellennt resourceis ChildHelp （at http：//wwww.childhelp.orrg）. This sitehas many vaaluable resouurces for teacchers and parrents. All parrents should educate theemselves on bbody safety then educate ttheir childrenn. If parents cchoose not todo this， theyy are putting their childrren at risk foor potential hharm. Withouut body safetyy informationn， children arre left in thedark about how to resspond when aanother persoon touches thhem inapproppriately. If paarents do nott educate theeir children， children wwill most likelly not self-diisclose if sommething happens to them.Parents needd to be the onnes to open this door foor children. Iff you give yoour child permmission to tell you if someething is happpening to themm， they will be more likkely to talk. IIf you do nott know whatto say to youur children， rread one of thhe body safetty books on the market. Some Partsare NOT forr Sharing is ffoor children 0-8 years old.I Said NO！ iss for childrenn 7-10 years old. This iss a sample texxt to use withh young childdren， I want too talk to youtoday about bbody safety. BBody safety is very easyy to understaand and is exttremely important. Your bbody is your oown. You donot have to sshare it with anyone else. If someonee touches youu in a way that makes youu feel uncomffortable， I waant to know. IIf someone， anyone， touuches you inan area yourr swimsuit coovers， I want tto know. Youu will not bein trouble ifyou tell me this. I willcelebrate your bravery annd get your hhelp to stay aaway from thiis person. Ifsomeone touuches you in an area whhere a swimsuuit covers sayy， “NO！” andd run to find aa trusted adullt. If anotheradult asks yoou to keep a secret， I waant to know. AAdults shouldd not ask chilldren to keepsecrets.

All off this informaation sharedis relativelyeasy to undeerstand and reepeat. Yet I ffeel like I facce an uphill battle whenn trying to geet this informaation out to thhe general puublic.

Can educating chilldren about chhild abuse preevention decrrease ones riisk of abuse？

The practical significance of this work is that young people can understand how to protect themselves from child abuse with a few easy steps. This topic is often overanalyzed by parents and not talked about for fear of scaring children. Through using the language shared in this paper， every parent has the opportunity to discuss body safety with their child. Parents have a script to use and tools to make this conversation easier. To review the three simple rules of body safety：

1. Your body is your own；

2. You always deserve to be safe；

3. If someone touches you in a way that makes you feel unsafe， you tell a trusted adult.

Adults need to know that toddlers can understand child abuse prevention. Children can understand these simple concepts and need this material to be safe. With the information presented in this paper， parents have all information they need to share body safety rules with their children. I invite research institutions to contact me about doing more formal research on this topic. “Does teaching children about body safety decrease their risk of being victims of child abuse？” I think this is uncharted work that needs to be studied at length. So much more research needs to be done on this topic to protect children. From my work， I conclude that teaching children about body safety does make them safer. Children who do not have this information could be victimized at any time and their parents would probably never know. Lets get talking to protect our most precious resource， our children.

References

Alekseeva， L. S. （2007）. Problems of child abuse. Home Russian Education and Society， 49（5）， 6-18.

American Psychological Association （APA）. （2009）. Understanding and preventing child abuse and neglect. Retrieved from https：//www.apa.org/pi/families/resources/understanding-child-abuse

Childrens Bureau. （2021a）. National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System （NCANDS）. Retrieved from https：//www.acf.hhs.gov/cb/research-data-technology/reporting-systems/ncands

Childrens Bureau. （2021b）. Child maltreatment reports. Retrieved from https：//www.acf.hhs.gov/cb/data-research/child-maltreatment

Davis， L. （1991）. Allies in healing： When the person you love is a survivor of child sexual abuse. USA： William Morrow Paperbacks.

Federico， J. （2009）. Some parts are not for sharing. London： Tate Publishing & Enterprises.

Gloeckner， E.， & Herman， L. （2020）. Its hard to talk about child abuse. USA.

King， Z.， & King， K. （2020）. I said no！ USA： Boulden Publishing.

Saavedra， M. （2007）. Jurisdicción， constitución y derecho. Mexico City： Fontamara.

The Administration for Children and Families. （2020）. Child abuse， neglect data released. Retrieved from https：//www.acf.hhs.gov/media/press/2020/2020/child-abuse-neglect-data-released