准确解读文本，推断续写立意

彭文国

【問题导读】

读后续写是读写结合的题型。它不是独立构思创作，而是依照原文的思路完成故事的叙述。尽管考试评价是在写的层面，但是，决定其质量的却是读的效果。只有在对原文有深刻、准确理解的基础上，我们才能写出符合原文主旨、符合原文语言特点、情节逻辑合理的续写。

而读懂、读准原文最关键的因素之一是要理解作者的写作立意。所谓立意就是作者对原文故事发展的本意设计、结果期许。原文的故事架构、用词等都是在此立意上形成的。

准确理解文章的立意是续写的基础。只有在准确理解作者写作立意的前提下，我们才能合理地设计续写的故事，才能写出和原故事立意一致、逻辑顺畅的文章。如果不能理解作者的立意，我们就会偏题，即使文字再优美、再高级，也没有实际意义。那么，我们如何合理推断作者的写作立意呢？

【名师导学】

一、根据原文故事情节以及续写设题所提供的段首句来判断作者的立意

记叙文要通过叙述故事来表达文章的立意。叙述故事的要素包括who、what、where、 when、how等基本的要素，而其关键因素是人物之间的矛盾冲突。矛盾冲突最终是如何解决的就是文章的立意。因此，掌握文章的立意，首先要搞清原文故事的要素和结构。要根据故事的发展脉络、结构和文章中矛盾冲突的展示，尤其是续写所提供的段首句暗含的信息来推断文章的立意。

【例】阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

Early in the morning， the father and the son arrived at the marsh （湿地）.

The family lived off the main village and was near the marsh. Kevin's father would go to the marsh to shoot wild ducks every few days， and most of the time， Kevin would go with his father. The boy would record the beautiful place as well as the lively animals with his camera， which he enjoyed very much. But not this morning. It was the time， as scheduled， that the 14？year？old boy was to have duck shooting.

Actually， he hated duck shooting since his father bought him a gun. But he loved his father， and wanted to make his father pleased， so he didn't tell his father what he really thought. His father taught him to shoot and promised him this trip.

They stopped at their usual place. Kevin put down the camera， sat down and waited anxiously. “You must get ready. Sometimes ducks are on top of you before you know it，” his father said. Kevin took the gun out and prepared it as his father taught him. “I'll let you shoot first，” he said. Then he stopped suddenly， and eyes narrowed. “There is a small group of ducks heading this way now. Keep your head down. I'll give you the order.”

Kevin's heart was beating wildly. He prayed in his deep heart， “Don't let the ducks come， please.”

But they kept coming. “Four black and one mallard （绿头鸭），” said his father.

High above， Kevin heard the sound of wings as the ducks went over and began to circle. The mallard was leading; his bright orange feet dropped down， reaching for the water. Closer， closer...

“Get set，” his father whispered.

“Now， shoot！” said his father in a determined voice.

Kevin felt his body obey. He stood up， his hands holding the gun the way his father had taught him， “Shoot！” his father said sharply again， but the expected sound didn't come. Kevin's trembling finger didn't move finally.

At the same time， the wild ducks saw the gunners and flew. Up went the mallard， until it flew away.

Paragraph 1：

His father asked with apparent anger， “Why didn't you shoot？”

Paragraph 2：

His father was handing the camera to him.

本文的主要情节：

●原文

爸爸经常去湿地打野鸭子，儿子凯文常跟着爸爸去湿地，但他不是去打鸭子，而是用他的相机记录美景和可爱的动物。事实上，自从父亲给凯文买了一支枪后，他就讨厌打野鸭子。但出于对父亲的爱，他对父亲隐藏了真实想法。在父親的指导下，凯文最终还是没有勇气开枪打野鸭子。

●续写

续写第一段——父亲很明显地带着生气的口吻问：“你为什么不开枪？”……

续写第二段——父亲正在给他递相机……

本文续写要解决的矛盾是：儿子不想打野鸭子，但是又不愿让自己的父亲不开心，所以很矛盾。

从续写第一段的段首句来看，父亲对儿子没有开枪这件事感到很生气。根据文章的立意，续写的第一段主要是写父子之间矛盾冲突的爆发和解决。而从续写第二段的段首句“父亲正在给他递相机”来看，父亲最后理解了儿子，不但没有责备，而且主动把相机递给了儿子。因此，第二段主要描写在解决了矛盾之后，父子之间、人和自然之间的和谐共鸣。

因此，本文的立意就是：热爱自然，热爱生命，家人之间要相互理解，相互尊重。

二、用合理的设计来表现文章的立意

要想很好地展现文章的立意，就要巧妙地、有效地解决故事中的矛盾冲突。而有效解决矛盾冲突，首先要靠情节的设计。情节的设计则需要通过话语、动作、心理、场景的描写，而这一切都要以文章的立意为中心。如本文中，父亲生气地质问是矛盾的开始。而儿子对父亲生气的质问的回应要通过语言、动作和心理来描写，同时要配合场景的描写。

●话语：“They were so cute and lovely，” Kevin said in a low voice， with his lips shaking.

话语陈述了理由，而且为了表现孩子此时的心理，表现话语可以用相符的动作：in a low voice， his lips shaking等，表现他紧张和矛盾的心理。

●动作：He sat on the grass， his face buried in his arms and burst into tears.

这是在矛盾心理下，对无可奈何的孩子非常贴切的描述。

●心理：All hope of pleasing father was gone.

此处出现引起矛盾冲突的关键因素，更加明确地描述了孩子的心理。

●场景： For a while， there was only silence.

在上述话语、动作、心理的铺垫下，矛盾解决有了足够的理由，用一句场景的描述来展现。

●结果：Then Kevin felt his father kneel down beside him and pat him on the shoulder gently.

通过以上具有说服力的描写，最终有了矛盾解决的结果。当然，此结果一定要符合文章的立意：热爱自然，热爱生命，家人之间要相互理解，相互尊重。如果此处的结果成为“父亲极为生气，父子之间爆发争吵”，这就完全违背了文章的立意。

三、用有效的词汇和句式结构来增加文章立意的表现力

有了好的故事设计后，还需要合适的、有效的词汇和句式结构来增加矛盾解决的说服力。在本文中，为了表现孩子的矛盾和无助，用了in a low voice、with his lips shaking和his face buried in his arms and burst into tears等表达来生动地展示孩子的心理活动。在描述父亲的动作时，可以用kneel down、gently、pat等表示理解、尊重、安慰等意义的身体动作词汇。在续写第二段的描述中，为了表现孩子的开心，可以用with a broad smile、held up his camera immediately和said excitedly等欢快的词汇来渲染情感和气氛。

参考范文：

His father asked with apparent anger， “Why didn't you shoot？” “They were so cute and lovely，” Kevin said in a low voice， with his lips shaking. He sat on the grass， his face buried in his arms and burst into tears. All hope of pleasing father was gone. For a while， there was only silence. Then Kevin felt his father kneel down beside him and pat him on the shoulder gently. Then his father said， “Get ready， boy！” Feeling some cold metal touching his hand， Kevin looked up.

His father was handing the camera to him. “Here comes another duck，” said his father softly. A beautiful wild duck flew closer， its white breast shining in the sunshine. With a broad smile on his face， Kevin held up his camera immediately. “I got him！” said Kevin excitedly. His father gave him a thumbs-up. Kevin discovered there was no disappointment in his eyes， only pride and love. “It's okay， son. I love shooting， but that doesn't mean you have to.” Looking at his son affectionately， he said， “Could you teach me how to use that camera？”

【模擬导练】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。特别关注文章的立意。

Jennifer frowned as she was helping out in the kitchen. Her family had just moved here from San Francisco， which is one thousand kilometers away. Her father had bought a small restaurant weeks ago， which was set to open in the next few days.

“Moving here was a stupid idea. I have lost all my friends in San Francisco. What should I do now？” Jennifer grumbled， mostly to herself.

“What's that？” her mother asked， as she was busy managing all the things in the kitchen.

“Nothing，” Jennifer mumbled. The girl had been complaining about the move， but her parents had made the decision and were too busy getting ready for the grand opening to listen to her complaints.

The first few days at her new school hadn't been easy， either. Jennifer found it hard to talk to people she didn't know， and it seemed like the students hadn't even noticed her. At the breaks， she had no one to talk with， with only the chances to watch others playing and laughing happily. She had been missing her happy life in the old school. But all this was beyond her power. Jennifer sighed and got back to washing dishes.

On the day of the grand opening， Jennifer's parents were all smiles， welcoming customers into the restaurant， brightly decorated in gold and red. Even Jennifer was in a good mood as she rushed around， seating guests， handing out menus， and pouring tall glasses of water. This was a big day for her family.

At one of the tables sat a family with two daughters who were about Jennifer's age. As she passed the table， Jennifer realized the twins were in her class. Jennifer ducked her head down so her long hair covered her face， and she turned away from the table.

Feeling rather embarrassed， Jennifer quickly went back to the kitchen to load the dishwasher.

“Honey， what are you doing back here？ We need you out front with the customers，” her mother said to her.

注意：

1. 所续写短文的词数应为150左右;

2. 续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好。

Paragraph 1：

“Mom， I don't want to be out there！”

Paragraph 2：

Jennifer put some cookies on a plate and went out of the kitchen.

【立意分析】

本文原文故事的主要内容是：詹妮弗一家刚从旧金山搬到一个新的地方，并开了一家餐厅，但是詹妮弗很不适应新的环境。她发现她在学校很孤独。詹妮弗家的餐厅开业的那天，詹妮弗也去帮忙，因为这对她的家人来说是个大日子。结果詹妮弗看到她班上的同学和父母来吃饭，她觉得很尴尬，就转身离开了桌子，走进了厨房……

本文的立意是：抓住机会，打破尴尬，获取同学的友谊。

因此，续写第一段应该是讲述妈妈开导詹妮弗主动去和同学打招呼;第二段则应该是詹妮弗去见她的同学后的情景。根据文章的立意，第二段同学相见应该是开心、愉快、获得友谊的结局。

参考范文：

Paragraph 1：

“Mom， I don't want to be out there！” Jennifer said in a voice as if pleading with her mother not to let herself face the embarrassing situation. “Why？” her mother asked. “They are my classmates and I don't want to greet them in this situation.” “You shouldn't be afraid， honey.” Mother said that maybe was her chance to make friends with them. Then her mother asked her to get them some cookies. What she said would be a good way to melt the ice between them. Jennifer hesitated and accepted her mother's suggestion.

Paragraph 2：

Jennifer put some cookies on a plate and went out of the kitchen. She served them the cookies， and the twins recognized Jennifer immediately. They greeted her warmly. And they talked a lot about the school life as well as Jennifer's family. It was the first time since she had been here that she had talked to anyone other than her family. Jennifer found that she was accepted. From then on， the twins often came to the restaurant for dinner， and Jennifer became good friends with them.

【評价导思】

1. 文章立意的合理性：

2. 文章立意的表达：

3. 语言运用的丰富性：