浑然天成，有效衔接文本

彭文国

【问题导读】

读后续写是新高考改革在考试检测方面最重要的代表题型之一，目前也被证明是最有效的高考题型之一。它不仅仅是对读写能力的综合考查，更重要的是它有效地考查了考生对故事逻辑发展的意识和敏感性;考查了考生构思主旨一致、语言风格一致、故事发展逻辑顺畅的文章的能力。然而，在平时的实践中，学生很难把握故事的逻辑，主要表现在：

1. 对原文所展现的主旨思想把握不准，续写的内容偏离原文主旨。

2.续写时没有关注所给段首句和相关部分的内容衔接，因而续写的内容和所给段首句连接不够顺畅。

3. 忽视了原文中的重要信息，续写的内容和原文出现信息误差甚至矛盾。

【名师导学】

一篇优秀的续写，一定要保证和原文逻辑一致，确保续写部分和原文浑然天成，故事逻辑合理，发展流畅。

为确保续写部分和原文故事发展浑然一体，我们要注意以下几点：

1. 准确理解原文故事设计的主旨思想;

2. 准确掌握原文故事发展的脉络;

3. 保证关键节点的逻辑顺畅：

（1）续写第一段段首句和续写第一段内容之间的逻辑一致;

（2）续写第一段内容尤其是结尾处和续写第二段段首句之间的逻辑一致;

（3）续写第二段内容和续写第二段段首句之间的逻辑一致。

【案例导引】

When Jayce Crowder was in kindergarten， he began noticing that he looked different from his classmates. They had two hands. But he had only one.

It started when one boy teased him. Jayce was in a bad mood. He returned home in Des Moines， Iowa， with questions： Why am I different？ Why me？ Why？ “He actually told us that he was mad at looking so different from others，” said his mother， Cortney Lewis. “That really hurt him.” Lewis admitted she didnt know what to do at that point. How could she provide answers to her sons questions when she had never found those answers herself？

A few weeks later， Lewis came home from her job and turned on the TV to a news story about Trashaun Willis， an eighth grader from Washington， Iowa. The boy， then 14， had become an Internet star after posting videos of his slam dunk（扣籃）， and， like Jayce， he missed most of his left arm. Lewis called Jayce in. He was shocked， staring at one slam dunk after another.

At the time， it seemed that watching Trashaun would simply be an inspiring moment for Jayce—hed seen a shining role model with a seemingly similar born disability. And had it stayed just that， Lewis would have been happy. But little did she know that a family friend had already reached out to The Des Moines Register， asking the newspaper to help set up a meeting with Trashaun to encourage Jayce and build his confidence.

注意：

1. 所续写短文的词数应为150左右;

2. 续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好。

Paragraph 1：

A few days later， the good news came.

Paragraph 2：

After the meeting， Jayce learned to build his confidence.

【原文特点分析】

一、原文体现的故事发展构架

二、文章表达的主旨

对天生残疾的孩子的理解、关爱及切实的帮助。

三、原文故事的重点及细节点

But little did she know that a family friend had already reached out to The Des Moines Register， asking the newspaper to help set up a meeting with Trashaun to encourage Jayce and build his confidence.

四、故事的设计

续写故事在内容的构思和设计上，一定要符合文章的主旨。而在具体的内容上，要特别注意原文故事中的“But little did she know that a family friend had already reached out to The Des Moines Register， asking the newspaper to help set up a meeting with Trashaun to encourage Jayce and build his confidence.”。

五、三个关键逻辑点

1. 续写第一段的段首句和续写第一段内容的逻辑一致。根据原文的故事主旨和情节的发展，本段要描写的主要内容是一个家庭朋友和Trashaun联系的结果，而且该结果一定是一个好的结果。续写第一段开始就应该描述与“好消息”有关的内容。

2. 根据续写第二段所给的段首句，在续写第一段中Trashaun和Jayce应该已经会面。所以，续写第一段必须描述成功见面的情景。

3. 根据续写第二段的段首句，续写第二段紧接着就要描写Jayce和Trashaun会面后，情绪转好，积极面对生活的内容。

六、参考续写

Paragraph 1：

A few days later， the good news came. Trashaun accepted the invitation to meet Jayce. Finally， the boys met at Washington Middle School on a Saturday afternoon a couple of days later and they instantly bonded. The day was not spent on selfpity. Instead， the two enjoyed their meeting riding bikes around the school campus， taking photos， and playing basketball together. Trashaun taught Jayce how to dunk， which made Jayce rather excited. He even gave Jayce a basketball as a gift. He told Jayce he was perfect the way he looked. He encouraged him not to let anyone drag him down and shake his confidence.

Paragraph 2：

After the meeting， Jayce learned to build his confidence. He began to understand that there are many people like him and came to adapt himself to his disability. He recently started practising shooting baskets every day and he really loves it. Jayce often chats with Trashaun on the Internet about basketball skills as well as some school issues. He is really motivated by this role model and has a positive attitude to his future life. Trashaun was also inspired by the story. He had never dreamed that his videos would have such an impact. His relationship with Jayce made him look forward to helping more kids.

七、續写评析

1. 续写部分很好地贯彻了原文的主旨思想。范文续写故事中，两个残疾孩子见了面，相互激励，传递了正能量，符合原文的主旨。

2. 在续写第一段的段首句之后，紧接着的句子“Trashaun accepted the invitation to meet Jayce.”和该段段首句衔接顺畅，故事发展浑然天成。

3. 续写第一段记述了两人的成功见面，和续写第二段段首句的After the meeting顺畅连接。

4. 续写第二段的段首句“After the meeting， Jayce learned to build his confidence.”和下一句“He began to understand that there are many people like him and came to adapt himself to his disability.”衔接顺畅，语言风格一致。

【模拟导练】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

The excitement about Thanksgiving was really building. Grandma arrived with a homemade pecan pie. Dad was searching for his electric carving knife. Mama was in the kitchen humming a song. Little baby Lonnie bounced up and down. Dad smelled the air and sighed. My big brother， Slim， who was anything but slim， sneak

ed off to his room with a slice of the pecan pie. Even our dog Fido was wagging his tail.

Having set a pretty table， Mama looked up， smiling. “Help me carry in the food，” she said. Slim， who had come out of his room by this time， went racing into the kitchen. “Ill get it！

Ill get it！” The rest of us piled in behind him， everyone grabbing a dish. Then we watched Dad carry in the biggest， brownest， bestsmelling turkey we had ever seen with Mamas hand under the plate， just in case. Together they lowered the turkey to its place at the table.

It was the tradition in our family to think of something for which we were most thankful. We all ran to the table yelling something like “Im thankful for school being out” or“Im thankful for pecan pie”. All eyes were on that enormous turkey as we took our seats.

Yes， everything was perfect except for one thing. On that special day， it was Dad who sat at the head of the table and carved the turkey. It was an honor that he had eagerly expected for days. Mama always called Dad a clumsy ox. He frequently tripped（绊倒） over his own two feet， and he could drop just about anything.

We automatically eased back when Dad tested the electric carving knife in the air. Dad went to work on the white meat first with surprisingly few problems. Slice after slice landed neatly on the plate with thick gravy （肉汁）. Dad leaned forward and grabbed the end of the left turkey leg and cut it off， placing it whole on the plate. His oily fingers shone brightly in the light of the chandelier （枝形吊灯）， and Mama waved her napkin. “Im all right， Mama，” he said. “Im all right.”

注意：所续写短文的词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1：

But when Dad pulled back the right turkey leg， it slipped from his oily fingers.

Paragraph 2：

Suddenly， Lonnie yelled at us.

参考范文

Paragraph 1：

But when Dad pulled back the right turkey leg， it slipped from his oily fingers. “You clumsy ox！” Mom yelled， and she quickly grabbed and

picked up the leg. Dad looked at the chandelier and felt annoyed. We all laughed， and Fido started barking in circles on the ground. Anyway， our Thanksgiving dinner was here.

Paragraph 2：

Suddenly， Lonnie yelled at us. All of us felt very strange. What did Lonnie want to say？ We looked at each other in puzzlement. Lonnie kept calling and looking at us， pointing under the table. We looked under the table and saw Fido munching on a big turkey leg. When he was found， he stared back at us， unrepentant. Mom said， “So Fido wants to have a delicious Thanks

giving， too.” Fido barked at us， as if confirming my mothers words. We all laughed. It was so much fun.

【評价导思】

1. 续写故事符合原文的主旨吗？

2. 续写第一段段首句和后续内容的逻辑连接是否合理顺畅？

3. 续写第二段段首句和后续内容的逻辑连接是否合理顺畅？