Jokes

钱佳琦

Three Turtles

Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the cafe， it started to rain.

The biggest turtle said to the smallest one， “Go home and get the umbrella.”

The little turtle replied， “I will， if you don't drink my coffee.”

“We won't，” the other two promised.

Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle， “Well， I guess he isn't coming back， so we might as well drink his coffee.”

Just then a voice called from outside the door， “If you do， I won't go.”

三只烏龟

三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。它们刚到咖啡店的门口，就下起雨来。于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，“回家去取把伞吧。”

最小的乌龟说，“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”

“我们不喝，”另外两只乌龟答应说。

两年后，大乌龟对中乌龟说，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回来了，我们可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”

正在这时，一个声音从门外传来，“你们要是喝了，我就不去了。”

Expand and Contract

Teacher： We all know that heat causes an object to expand and cold causes it to contract. Now， can anyone give me a good example？

John： Well， in the summer the days are long， and in the winter the days are short.

热胀冷缩

老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁能给我举个例子？

约翰：嗯，夏天天长，冬天天短。

My Little Dog Can't Read

Mrs. Brown： Oh， my dear， I have lost my precious little dog！

Mrs. Smith： But you must put an advertisement in the papers！  Mrs. Brown： It's no use， my little dog can't read.

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把我珍爱的小狗给丢了！

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。

History Teacher

A history teacher and his wife were sitting at a table， the wife asked “Anything new at work”， and he replied， “no， I am teaching history”.

历史老师

一位历史老师和他的妻子在吃饭，妻子问到：“工作上有什么新鲜事吗？”丈夫回答说：“没有，我是教历史的。”

The Lowest Grade

Student： Professor， I did the best I could on this test. I really don't think I deserve a zero.

Professor： Neither do I. But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give.”

最低分

学生：教授先生，我这次考试已经竭尽全力了。我真的觉得我不应该得零蛋。

老师：我也是。但是这已经是我能给的最低分了！