用竖轴直线法构思续写段落细节

周利华

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。续写的词数应为150左右。

Christmas is the time when miracles might happen.

It happened to a young pastor（牧师）whose church was very cold. Late in December， a heavy storm hit the little church， causing a huge chunk of plaster（一大块石膏板）to fall out of the inside wall just behind the altar（圣坛）. Sadly， the pastor and his wife couldnt hide the big hole. His wife wept，“Christmas is only two days away！”

That afternoon the couple attended an auction（拍卖）and took a handmade gold-and-ivory lace tablecloth. They carried the cloth back and put it up on the wall behind the altar. It completely hid the hole and made the altar more beautiful.

Just before noon on the day of Christmas Eve， as the pastor was opening the church， he noticed a woman standing in the cold at the bus stop. He invited her into the church to get warm. She told him she was a war refugee and had just failed in an interview for a job as a teacher to the children of a wealthy family in the town. After a while， she dropped her head and prayed. When the pastor began to adjust the great gold-and-ivory lace cloth across the hole， she rose suddenly and walked up the steps， staring at the tablecloth. The pastor smiled and started to tell her about the storm damage， but she didnt seem to listen. She took up the cloth and rubbed it between her fingers.

“Its mine！”she said.“My husband had the cloth made especially for me！There could not be another one like it.”

Then the woman explained how she and her husband were separated in the war and later she heard he had died. The pastor tried to comfort her and asked her to take the cloth with her. She refused and left.

As the church began to fill on Christmas Eve， many people said the church looked beautiful with the cloth.

Paragragh 1

But a middle-aged repairman looked rather puzzled at the cloth.

Paragragh 2

The pastor became very excited and told the repairman about the woman who had been in church earlier that day.

[寫作指导]

1. 根据六个要素，把握主旨大意。

考生要读懂所给文本的情节：我们可以用思维导图来梳理文章故事概要，找出when， where， who， what， why， how的相关信息，把握文章的主旨大意。思维导图如下：

根据以上思维导图，可概括主旨大意如下：教堂里，一位牧师买回了一块桌布。圣诞前夕当日临近中午的时候，这块桌布引起了一位女难民的注意，因为这块桌布是她的丈夫专门请人给她做的，可惜她的丈夫因战争已失散多年。最后，这位妇女怅然地离开了教堂。

2. 根据情感词语，把握情感线索。

从文本中的stand in the cold， refugee， fail， separate， die， comfort等词汇可知，故事中女主人公的情感是悲伤的。这为续写夫妻的团聚埋下伏笔。由所给续写的第一段首句中puzzled一词说明这位repairman与这块桌布有关联。所给续写第二段首句中excited一词暗示repairman为失散多年的丈夫，并且结局是夫妻团聚。全文的情感线由悲转喜。

3. 根据所给开头句，推断续写情节。

通过续写段落开头句，推测续写的故事情节：

Para1： look rather puzzled→The repairman was familiar with the tablecloth.

Para2： became excited→The repairman was the womans husband.

第一段首句中，由look puzzled可推断出这位修理工熟悉这块桌布。为什么这位修理工对这块桌布有特殊的情感，这是续写的重点。第二段的首句中，The pastor became very excited可知，牧师肯定是倾听了修理工关于桌布的故事。这样，结合两段首句，我们可以确定第一段续写内容：修理工认真细看桌布;确认此桌布就是当年自己送给妻子的桌布;告知牧师桌布的故事;牧师听后一阵欣喜。确定第二段续写内容：听了牧师的话兴奋不已;渴盼寻找妻子;牧师帮忙寻找;夫妻团圆，奇迹降临。

4. 利用竖轴直线法，展开续写段落细节。

我们在读懂故事情节和人物情感的基础上，建构续写段落的情节。续写第一段应以repairman的动作描写为主线，通过这些动作描写反射出他的内心情感。同时与第二段The pastor became very excited承接，第一段的末句应写pastor看到repairman的行为举止，听到repairman的故事后，pastor自身的情感变化，与excited相呼应，其内心必然是喜悦的。

续写第二段，由首句（The pastor became very excited and told the repairman about the woman who had been in church earlier that day.）可知，续写第二段应以repairman得知有可能找到失散多年的妻子后的激动心情及相应的行为动作为主线。

5. 根据上面竖轴关键词，组词成句，组句成篇。

Para1：

Sentence 1  He stood in front of the tablecloth.

润色   He stood in front of the tablecloth， scanning it bit by bit and rubbed it carefully， tears rolling down his cheeks.

Sentence 2 He found that the cloth was the one that was made especially for his wife.

润色   He was surprised to find that the cloth was the one that was made especially for his wife.

Sentence 3 He walked up to the pastor and told him about the story of the tablecloth.

潤色   He walked up to the pastor in a hurry and told him about the story of the tablecloth.

Sentence 4  He said that he and his wife had been separated because of a war.

润色  He sorrowfully said that he and his wife had been separated because of a war.

Sentence 5  After the pastor heard the story， he felt very joyful.

润色   After the pastor heard the story， a sudden wave of joy swept over him.

Para2：

Sentence 1 Hearing the shocking news， the repairman also felt excited.

润色   Hearing the shocking news， the repairman also felt a rush of excitement.

Sentence 2  He begged the pastor to help him find his wife.

润色   He suddenly took a firm grasp of pastors arm and begged him to help him find his wife.

Sentence 3  He asked the pastor how he would find his wife.

润色    He asked the pastor how he would get in touch with his wife.

Sentence 4  The pastor managed to find the family that had interviewed teachers in the town.

润色    To his delight， the pastor managed to find the family that had interviewed teachers in the town.

Sentence 5  The poor couple finally reunited.

润色    Having suffered from so many difficulties， the poor couple finally reunited.

Sentence 6  They hugged happily.

润色   They hugged affectionately， immersed in happiness.

Sentence 7  They both believed that it was a miracle in their lives.

润色    They both believed that it must be a miracle in their lives.

[参考范文]

But a middle-aged repairman looked rather puzzled at the cloth. He stood in front of the tablecloth， scanning it bit by bit and rubbed it carefully， tears rolling down his cheeks. He was surprised to find that the cloth was the one that was made especially for his wife. He walked up to the pastor in a hurry and told him about the story of the cloth. He said that he and his wife had been separated because of a war. After the pastor heard the story， a sudden wave of joy swept over him.

The pastor became very excited and told the repairman about the woman who had been in church earlier that day. Hearing the shocking news， the repairman also felt a rush of excitement. He suddenly took a firm grasp of pastors arm and begged him to help him find his wife. He asked the pastor how he would get in touch with his wife. To his delight， the pastor managed to find the family that had interviewed teachers in the town. Having suffered from so many difficulties， the poor couple finally reunited. They hugged affectionately， immersed in happiness. They both believed that it must be a miracle in their lives.

[范文点评]

续写的故事情节合理，由悲转喜，夫妻团圆。续写段落语言表达丰富，运用了很多非谓语，比如  scanning it bit by bit; hearing the shocking news; having suffered from so many difficulties; immersed in happiness等。同时还用了独立主格结构tears rolling down his cheeks。范文中用了一些短语使文章增色，如 bit by bit， in a hurry， a sudden wave of joy， take a firm grasp of， a rush of excitement， to his delight. 范文中用了一些副詞使文章增色，如carefully， sorrowfully， suddenly， finally， affectionately等。总之，文章运用各种语言表达方式，使之故事描写细腻生动。

责任编辑 蒋小青