JOKES

魏秀丽

Quick cleanup

Unexpected guests were on the way， and my mother， an impeccable （無可挑剔的） housekeeper， rushed around straightening up. She put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom. Later， when she went to inspect it， she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly. Then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains. It read “Thank you for not looking in the bathtub.”

Be careful with what you wish for

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays， which fell on the same day.

During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years， she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand， and Boom！ She had the tickets in her hand.

Next， it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment， then said shyly， “well， I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.”

The fairy picked up her wand， and Boom！ He was ninety.

The advantage of noise

Wherever I drove my old car over 55 miles per hour， it vibrated terribly， so I decided to sell it. My first customer wanted to buy the car， and I battled with my conscience （良心） over whether or not to tell him of the vehicle's problem. Finally I did the right thing. Expecting him to drop the deal， I was surprised by his reply.

“That's okay，” he said. “I'm buying this car for my daughter. If she complains about a vibration， I'll know she's driving too fast.”

Waste or save

Father： Oh， Jack， you have slept away the whole morning. Don't you know you are wasting time？

Jack： Yes， Dad. But I've saved you a meal， haven't I？

The formula for water

Teacher： What is the chemical formula for water？

Blonde： HIJKLMNO！

Teacher： What are you talking about？

Blonde： Yesterday you said it's H to O！

I'm not having it all cut off

Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut. But this was against the office rules： clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. While Miles was at the barber's one day， the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him.

“Hello， Miles，” the manager said. “I see that you are having your hair cut in office time.”

“Yes， sir， I am，” admitted Miles calmly. “You see， sir， it grows in office time.”

“Not all of it，” said the manager at once. “Some of it grows in your own time.”

“Yes， sir， that's quite true.” Answered Miles politely， “but I'm not having it all cut off.”