不能让狗说人话 You Cannot Let Dogs Talk Like People

贾平凹

西安城里，差不多的人家都養了狗，各种各样的狗。每到清晨或是傍晚，小区里、公园中、马路边，都有遛狗的。人走多快，狗走多快;狗走多快，人走多快。

狗是家里成员了，吃得好，睡得好，每天洗澡，有病就医。除了没姓氏，名字也都十分讲究。据说，城里人口是八百万了，怎么可能呢？没统计狗呀，肯定到了一千万。

这个社会已经不分阶级，但却有着许多群系，比如乡党、同学、战友。维系关系，天罗地网的，又新增了上网的炒股的学佛的爬山的，再就是养狗的。有个成语是狐朋狗友，现在还真有狗友了。约个时间，狗友们便带着狗在广场聚会。狗们趁机蹦呀叫呀，公狗和母狗交配，然后拉屎，翘起一条后腿撒尿。狗的主人，都是些自称爸妈的，就热烈显摆起他家的狗如何漂亮、乖呀，能殷勤而且多么地忠诚。

忠诚是人们养狗的最大原因吧。人是多么需要忠诚呀，即便是最不忠诚做人的人，他也不喜欢不忠诚的人和动物。因此，这个城里，流浪的狗并不多见，偶尔见到的只是一些走失的狗，而走失的狗往往就又被人收养了。流浪的多是些寻不着活干的人，再就是猫。猫有媚态，却不忠诚，很多猫都被赶出家门了。

曾有三个人给我说过这样的事，一个是他们夫妇同岳母生活在一起十多年，在儿子上中学后，老人去世了。这几年他养了一只狗，有一天突然发现狗的眼神很像岳母的眼神，从此，总觉得狗就是他岳母。

另一个人，他说他父亲已经去世七八年了，但他越来越觉得家里的狗像他父亲，尤其那走路的姿式，嘴角一抽一抽的样子。还有一个，他家的狗眼睛细长，凡是家里人说话，或是做什么事情，狗就坐在墙脚，脑袋向前倾着一动不动，而眼睛一眨一眨地盯着，神色好像是什么都看着了，什么都听着了。他就要说：到睡房去，去了把门撞上！狗有些不情愿，声不高不低咕嘟着，可能在和他犟嘴，但狗能听懂人话，人却听不懂狗话，狗话只是反复着两个音：汪汪。

我突然想，狗如果能说了人话呢？

刚一有这想法，我就吓出一身冷汗，天呀，狗如果能说人话，那恐怖了。每日都有惊天新闻，这个世界就完全崩溃啦！

试想想，外部有再大的日头，四堵墙的家里会发生什么呢，老不尊，少不孝，恶言相向，拳脚施暴，黑钱交易，行贿受贿，预谋抢窃，吸大烟，藏赃物，制造假货，偷税漏税，陷害他人，计算职位，日鬼捣棒锤，堂而皇之的人世间有太多不可告之外界的秘密就全公开了。常说泄露天机，每个人都有他的天机，狗原来是天机最容易的泄露者。它就像飞机上的黑匣子，就像掌握核按钮的那些大国的总统，令人害怕了。

狗其实不是忠诚，是以忠诚的模样来接近人的各个家庭里窃取人私密的特工呀。好的是，这个社会，之所以还安然无恙，仅仅是狗什么都掌握着，它只是不会说人话。

上帝怎么能让狗说人话呢，不会的，会说人话它就不是狗了，也没有人再肯养狗。

是的，不能让狗说人话，永远不能让狗说人话。

Almost every household in Xian keeps a dog， so there are various breeds around. Every morning and every dusk， in the communities， in the parks， or along the streets， there are owners walking their pets. The dogs may keep pace with their owners and vice versa.

Dogs have become family members. They eat well， sleep well， and shower daily. Whenever they fall ill， they go and see a doctor. Lacking as they do surnames， their given names are nevertheless highly individualistic. It is recorded that there are 8 million residents in the city. How can that be？ Nobody has taken a census of canines， so they must number upwards of 10 million.

Society is now classless， yet so many sub-groups have emerged. These include fellow villagers or townsmen， classmates， and army comrades. They cast out and weave a vast social web. Presently， there are further groupings like those who surf online， those who play the stock market， those who pursue Buddhism， those who scale mountains， and those who keep dogs. One idiom states： “Friends fool around like foxes and dogs.” At this point in time， friendships are in fact forged via dogs. When the appointed time comes around， dog-made friends will assemble in the squares with their pets. The animals will jump around and bark， hounds and bitches will copulate， bowels will be discharged， and cocked legs will let forth the geyser. Every owner declares they are a “pa” or “ma” of their companion and show off with vehemence how handsome， how obedient， how attentive， and how faithful they are.

Faithfulness is the number one reason for keeping a dog. How desperately people need faithfulness. Even cheats and philanderers cannot stomach unfaithfulness in another man or beast. In this city， you seldom spot a stray dog. Occasionally you may encounter one or two who have slipped their lead， but those who are lost will always be adopted by others. Itinerant folks who wander the streets are invariably unemployed. And then there are cats. Charming as they are， cats are without loyalty. So many of them find themselves driven out of the house.

Three people have told me dog-related stories. One is that there was a couple who lived together with the wifes mother for over a decade. When their son was in secondary school， the old lady passed away. The couple raised a dog instead. One day， they suddenly found that its eyes bore a great resemblance to the deceased biddy. From then on， they were convinced it was her reincarnation.

Another fellow said that his father died seven or eight years ago. Even so， he increasingly had the sensation that the dog was his pas spitting image. The gait and the twitching mouth were uncannily similar. The third man claimed that his dog had narrow slit-like eyes. When the members of the family were talking or engaged in some activities， the dog would sit at the foot of the wall with its head craning forward and its eyes winking at them. Its expression was all-seeing and all-knowing. Then， the owner would say： “Go to your room and sleep. Bump the door closed after you！” The dog groaned with reluctance in a tone that was neither falsetto nor bass. Maybe it was registering its defiance. Anyhow， it could comprehend human words even though people could not understand theirs. The pet would just repeat the same words， only in different tones： “Woof！ Woof！”

All of a sudden， I wondered： How would it be if a dog could speak a human language？

Spurred on by this thought， I broke out in a cold， fearful sweat. Oh heavens， were dogs to be able to speak our language， what a monstrosity that would be！ Every day the news would shake the skies and the world would completely collapse！

Just think about it. No matter how scorching hot it became outside， what would happen within these four walls？ So many concealed secrets that belonged to the stately world of humanity would be laid bare for the outside to see. These would include elderly men acting in an undignified fashion， youngsters showing no filial piety， curses flying， violent kickings and punching， money laundering， bribery， robbery， smoking dope， fencing stolen items， manufacturing counterfeit goods， tax evasion， others being framed， scheming after positions， and grand conspiracies. People always boast how they have revealed the mysteries of nature. In actual fact， everybody has their own mystery of nature. It turns out that the dog is the most convenient whistleblower. Just like the black box on a plane or president of a superpower who has his finger on the nuclear button， it wields terrifying power.

To be honest， dogs are not really faithful. They are simply agents who put on an air of fidelity so as to infiltrate a family and poach its secrets. The upside of this situation is that we still have a harmonious society. Why？ Simply because a dog can master everything save for human speech.

How could God permit canines to speak our tongue？ Impossible. A dog who knows the language of man ceases to be a dog at all. No one would have them as pets anymore.

Indeed， dogs should not be allowed to speak human language. No， never.