YOU’VE GOT QUESTIONS?SHE’S GOT ANSWERS

(BUT YOU PROBABLY WON’T LIKE THEM)

I love my kid, but being stuck with him 24/7 during the coronavirus quarantine has been a nightmare. Besides praying for school start soon, how should I cope?experience, your kid will find you 讨厌 (tǎoyàn, annoying) in a few short years. They won’t want to spend a second with you even if you want them to. Then, you can happily enjoy your 宁静 (níngjìng, peace). So hang in there; 光明就在眼前！(Guāngmíng jiù zài yǎnqián! There’s light at the end of the tunnel!)

Ren Fan

Boo-hoo. You chose to have him, so now you get to deal with him. I didn’t have any choice to have my kids, and look what I ended up with: a pair of 吸血鬼 (xīxuèguǐ,bloodsuckers), along with their spouses, and kids 活蹦乱跳 (huóbèng-luàntiào, jumping and kicking) under my roof since Chinese New Year! Damn the 病毒 (bìngdú,virus) for providing them the 借口 (jièkǒu, excuse) to 白吃白喝 (báichī-báihē, freeload). But let me tell you from

The media recommends alcohol for disinfection. Does that mean drinking can cure Covid-19? What type of Chinese liquor do you recommend?

Brilliant Bryan

You complete 白痴 (bāichī, moron)! Your intelligence is as 稀薄 (xībó, scarce) as 氧气 (yǎngqì, oxygen) on the Himalayas. I bet it’s the alcohol causing 永久损伤 (yǒngjiǔ sǔnshāng, permanent damage) to your brain! I’m no doctor,but even I know alcohol never 治疗 (zhìliáo, cures) anything,any more than drinking Corona beer will get you infected.Good Jade Emperor! I’m so sick of all these rumors clogging up my inbox. I don’t care if you drink yourself senseless, just stay away from crowded places so other people don’t contract your 愚蠢 (yúchǔn, stupidity).

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