如何保持对话顺利进行

金绅

Keeping a conversation going can be a challenge. Luckily， there are simple techniques you can use to keep the other person engaged1 and interested. Prove your own interest by asking good questions and listening. Then， find a rhythm2 that allows you to build rapport3 with the other person.

保持對话的顺利进行是一项挑战。幸运的是，你可以使用一些简单的技巧来保持对方的积极性和兴趣。你可以通过提问和倾听来证明自己感兴趣。然后，找到一种节奏，使你与他人建立起融洽的关系。

Method  1  Acting  Interested

★Choose topics you know the other person cares about.

In general， people like to talk about themselves and their interests. You can keep your conversation rolling by sticking to topics you know the other person likes.

Before meeting up with someone， think of three predetermined topics.

Ask questions about their school or work， passions or hobbies， family and friends， or their background （where they came from or their family history）.

You can also use context cues from earlier parts of the conversation to determine whether to drop a subject or continue it. For example， if earlier， the person lit up when talking about riding bulls， you might ask him about other bull riders， or cowboy culture， or what it was like the first time he rode.

★选择你知道别人会关心的话题。

一般来说，人们喜欢谈论自己的事和他们的兴趣。你可以通过紧扣你知道对方会喜欢的话题来保持对话不断进行下去。

在与某人会面之前，可以想出三个预先确定的话题。

你可以询问关于他们的学校或工作、热情或爱好、家人和朋友或他们的背景（他们来自哪里或他们的家庭历史）的问题。

你还可以根据之前会话的前言后语的提示来确定是打住该话题还是继续该话题。例如，如果之前，这个人在谈论骑公牛时兴奋起来，你也许可以问问他其他骑公牛的人，或者牛仔文化，或者他第一次骑的时候的情形。

★Ask open-ended questions.

“Yes” or “no” style questions can shut down the conversation while others open the doors for more possibilities. Stick to open-ended questions that allow the other person to elaborate4 as much as theyd like.

On the other hand， open-ended questions demand more from the answerer. For example， instead of asking the question “So， you studied a year abroad in 2006， is that right？”， try asking “What was it like studying abroad？” The second question will give the person youre talking to more room to elaborate on their answer.

If you do ask a “yes” or “no” close-ended question， recover by saying something like “Tell me more.”

★提出开放性问题。

用“是”或“否”来回答的问题会使谈话难以继续，而其他的问题则会为更多的可能性敞开大门。坚持开放性问题，能让对方尽可能详细地阐述自己的想法。

另一方面，开放式问题需要回答者说得更多。例如，不问“那么，你2006年在国外学习了一年，对吗？”而试着问“出国留学是什么感觉？”第二个问题将给和你谈话的人更多的空间来阐述他们的答案。

如果你确实问了一个要用“是”或“否”来回答的封闭式问题，可以说“给我多说说”来补救。

★Listen attentively5 to what they say.

Listening is as important as talking when it comes to maintaining a conversation. Actively listening gives you an opportunity to hear the other persons perspective. Wait until the person has completely finished talking before saying anything. Then， sum up what they said to show you were listening by saying something like “It sounds like…”

If you misunderstand some part of the message， ask a clarifying6 question， like “Are you saying...？”

If youre a good listener， you can use any unexplored topics touched on earlier in the conversation to keep things moving. For example， you might say， “Earlier I heard you mention...”

Express empathy7 as you listen by putting yourself in the other persons shoes.

★注意听他们说的话。

在谈话中，倾听和谈话同样重要。积极倾听让你有机会听到他人的观点。等到对方话说完了再说话。然后，用“听起来像……”之类的话语总结一下他们说的话，以显示你在听他们说。

如果你误解了信息的某些部分，可以问问题来弄清楚，比如问“你是在说……？”

如果你是一个很好的倾听者，你可以利用之前谈话中提到过的任何还未经发掘过的话题来保持对话的进行。例如，你可能会说，“之前我听到你提到……”

在倾听时，你要站在别人的立场上，表现出共鸣。

★Encourage them to keep talking.

The best listeners dont just sit there and stare at the speaker during a conversation. They engage with them， without interrupting， by using encouragers. These might be little noises of approval like “Ahh” or “Oh”. Encouragers may also inspire the person to keep talking， such as when you say “And？”

Encouragers may also be nodding or mirroring the other persons facial expression， such as looking surprised or upset.

★鼓勵他们继续说。

最好的听众不只是在说话者说话的时候坐在那里，盯着对方看。他们会利用鼓励的话语参与交谈而不打断他们。这些鼓励的话语可能是一些表示认可的声音，比如“啊”或“哦”，也可能是鼓励对方继续说话的话语，比如“然后呢？”

鼓励的话语也可能是点头或模仿对方的面部表情，比如看起来惊讶或不安。

Method  2  Acting  Interested

★Dont filter8.

One of the reasons most conversations fall short is both people are filtering what they should or shouldnt say. You start to think youve run out of topics and you cant tell if something that comes to mind is appropriate or impressive enough. During these times， follow the strategy of just blurt9 out whatever youre thinking without censoring10 it.

For example， theres a long silence and you think how uncomfortable your feet are in your heels. Blurting out “God， these heels are killing my feet！” may seem weird， but that honest statement could lead to a discussion about a time when someone fell because of ridiculously high heels.

★不要过滤。

大多数对话都不到位的原因之一是两个人都在过滤他们应该说或不应该说的内容。你开始认为你们已经没有什么话题可谈了，你无法判断脑海中出现的东西是不是适当或者能令人印象深刻。在这段时间里，遵循一种策略，那就是不加思索地脱口而出你的想法。

例如，有一段长时间的沉默，而你认为你高跟鞋里的脚很不舒服，于是脱口而出“天啊，高跟鞋把我的脚都累死了！”这可能看起来很奇怪，但这一坦诚的话语可能会引发关于某人因为穿着可笑的高跟鞋而跌倒的讨论。

★Call out awkwardness.

Even the best conversations run into roadblocks that threaten to throw things off course. The most effective solution for that is naming it and moving forward. Pretending the discomfort isnt there may actually push the other person away.

For example， if you misspoke and said something offensive11， immediately back-track and apologize. Dont act like it didnt happen.

★说出你的尴尬。

即使是最顺利的对话也会遇到障碍，可能会使事情偏离轨道。最有效的解决方案是说出它然后继续对话。假装尴尬的情况不存在，实际上可能会把另一个人推开。

例如，如果你说错了话，说了一些冒犯性的话，请立即改变主意并道歉。别装作什么都没发生过。

★Make them laugh.

Humor is a great way to keep the conversation going. It also helps you forge a bond with the other person. Were more likely to laugh with our friends， so making the other person laugh forms a kinship with them.

You dont have to bust out12 with a joke to make someone laugh. Well-timed sarcasm13 and wit can do the job just as effectively. For example， you keep mentioning your interest in anime to the other person. After the third mention， you might say， “So， I guess I need to stop mentioning anime before you think Im a freak14. Im an anime freak. I carry a costume around with me of my favorite character. Just kidding！”

★讓他们笑起来。

幽默是保持谈话继续的好方法。它还可以帮助你与他人建立联系。我们和朋友一起更容易笑起来，所以让别人笑起来就形成了与他们的亲密关系。

你不必为了让别人笑起来而讲笑话。恰到好处的挖苦和风趣能同样有效地达成这个目的。例如，你总是向别人提到你对动画的兴趣。在第三次提到之后，你可能会说，“所以，我想在你认为我是个怪胎之前，我要停止提到动画。我是个动漫怪人。我随身携带着我最喜欢的角色的服装。只是开个玩笑！”

★Dont fear silence.

Silence is useful in communication and shouldnt be avoided like the plague15. It helps you catch your breath and process your thoughts. It can also signal a much-need change of topic if things become dull or too intense.

A few seconds of silence are completely normal. Dont feel the need to rush in and fill it.

However， if silence becomes too protracted16， pivot17 to a new topic by saying， “Im interested in hearing more about what you were saying earlier about...”

★不要害怕沉默。

沉默在交流中是有用的，不应该像躲避瘟疫一样避免沉默。它能帮助你喘气和梳理你的想法。如果对话变得枯燥或过于激烈，沉默则意味着需要改变话题了。

几秒钟的沉默是完全正常的，不要着急填补对话的空白。

然而，如果沉默得太长，那就转移到一个新的话题，“我有兴趣听到更多关于你之前所说的……”