Eccentrics

By Song Zhijian

If It Ain’t Moldy,Don’t Chuck It

A few days before Chinese New Year,Mr.A went to buy two kilograms of New Year’s Cake.It was cut into twentysomething strips,white,soft and still steaming.That night he put a couple of the strips into his chicken soup to boil along with some garlic and winter bamboo shoots.Who knew? As soon as he’d taken a few bites,his brows knitted.“Dirt!” He yelled while spitting out the gritty half-eaten New Year’s Cake.

The New Year’s Cake that had already been cooked couldn’t be eaten; all he could do was to throw it away.There were a lot of New Year’s Cakes left over on top of the fridge,still white and soft,but they were also filled with a lot of grit.Mr.A knew that he wasn’t going to eat it but he didn’t have the heart to chuck it out.

By the nighttime the New Year’s Cake had finally cooled down.Two days later it started getting hard.After the New Year it started cracking and had started growing spots of mold.Mr.A,at this point,quietly put them into a plastic bag,brought them downstairs and threw them into the garbage.

Paid by the Hour

The faucet in the bathroom broke,so Mrs.B bought a new one and asked the maintenance department to send a plumber over.

The plumber got under the washstand and turned off the water valve.Then he took off the broken tap and tried installing the new one.He was struggling with it for a couple of hours but still couldn’t get the new one on.It turned out that the new faucet was the wrong size to begin with.The maintenance department wasn’t charging for the job,yet Mrs.B saw how seriously the man took his work and quietly slipped him a note of twenty yuan.

In the evening,the water valve started leaking.There was so much water that in one hour she collected three washbasins full.The next day,Mrs.B bought another faucet and another valve and asked the worker to come back.After installing the new tap,the worker went to change the water valve under the sink.He was there for another couple of hours trying to put on the new valve before he finally succeeded.Mrs.B saw how hardworking he was and secretly gave him another twenty note.

Who could have guessed it,just one day later,the valve started leaking again and water was coming out even worse than before.Mrs.B went back to the maintenance department and this time they sent a different plumber to her house.The new worker very quickly saw that a bent tube next to the valve was cracked.It only took him a few minutes and the job was done.

This time,Mrs.B peeled an apple for the worker; she didn’t give him any money.

Unshakeable

Mr.S goes for an hour-long walk every evening.He has done it almost every day rain or shine for five or six years.He’s seen great results for it.When it comes around time for his walk,his wife,generally,won’t ask him to do anything else.

One evening,his wife was preparing to go out to bring some medicine to her mother when she suddenly realized that,it would take her about an hour to walk to her mom’s place and back.It was about time for Mr.S to go for his evening stroll,why not ask him to take the medicine and treat it as his hour-long walk? She took the medicine box,put it in her husband’s hands and said,“Do me a favor.Bring this to my mom.”

Mr.S was surprised and confused.“How would that work?” He said,“I haven’t even gone for my walk yet.”

(FromLiberation Daily,March 30,2019.Translation: Sam Bowden)