What Makes a Loving Couple?

By Ling Wei

Wh at is the difference between a happy couple and an unhappy one? Many gender and relationship psychologists have studied this very question for a long period of time and offered varied answers.Here is the one I prefer the most.

When you are judging another person’s behaviors, you may ponder, “Why did they do that? Is it because that’s his nature, or are they environmentally affected?”

The former is called an internal factor and the latter an external factor.

A happy couple attributes the good behaviors of their spouse to their loved one and the bad ones to the environment.For example, if a man escorts his wife to see a movie, the wife will consider her husband a romantic man who knows how to add spice to life; if he is half an hour late for a date, the wife will feel at ease because she knows it’s because of the rain.

An unhappy couple is just to the opposite.They attribute their spouse’s good behaviors to the environment and the bad ones to his/her personality.For example, if a man takes his wife to see a movie, the wife will think that it is because he himself wants to watch the film, or because he is a fan of the film star; if he is half an hour late for a date, the wife will blame him for not having her in his heart, not loving her enough, or still missing his ex-girlfriend.

In dealing with the routine trivia of life, the former couple love each other more and more, while the latter become increasingly detestable to each other.

(FromLive Life to the Fullest, Hunan Literature and Art Publishing House.Translation: Chen Jiani)

为何越来越爱

文/另维

幸福的夫妻与不幸福的夫妻在生活方式上究竟有什么不同？两性心理学研究了很久，结果五花八门，在这里说一个我最喜欢的。

我们在认知他人行为的时候，大脑会自动问：“他为什么这么做？是因为他本身就是这样一个人，还是环境所致？”

前者叫内部归因，后者叫外部归因。

生活幸福的夫妻会把配偶好的行为归因给人本身，把坏的行为归因给环境。比如他今天带我看电影了，因为他是一个注重生活情趣的男人；他迟到了半小时，是因为下雨了。

关系糟糕的夫妻刚好相反，他们把配偶好的行为归因给环境，把坏的行为归因给人。比如他今天带我看电影了，是因为他一直想看那部电影，或者是因为他是主演的粉丝；他迟到了半小时，是因为他心里没有我，不够爱我，或者还想着前女友。

在这些对琐事的归因中，前一对夫妻越来越相爱，后一对夫妻越来越嫌弃彼此。

（摘自《每一天梦想练习》湖南文艺出版社）