When Everything Turns to Dust

By Liu Yong

Following her will,Jacqueline Kennedy was buried beside her first husband,John Kennedy. When it came out, gossip about her will spread around the world:

“Jacqueline was such a snobbish woman that she chose to be buried by the side of a husband who was famous and powerful.”

“In western countries, you know, a woman that marries several husbands should have the surnames of each of her husband's in her name. I wonder if it was possible to engrave ‘Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis' on her tombstone? Or was her second husband's name removed from her name?”

“If so, Onassis was really a poor fish to end up alone.”

“Did they say Onassis was buried next to his former wife?”

The gossip reminds me of a story about a female colleague of mine.

When her husband was dying,he called her to his bedside and told her, “You like to have your hair and fingernails done every week. Don't stop dressing up after my death. No man loves a slovenly and untidy woman.”

The husband then summoned his sons. “After my death, if your mother finds a man who loves her,you shall support it.”

With those words, he breathed his last breath.

Two or three years later, she had met a man who was also widowed. Before marriage, she said to me, “I told him I'd marry him on the condition that I should be buried next to my former husband when I die.”

“Did he agree?”

“Of course,” she laughed.“He was in high spirits, too. He would have said it, but hesitated to broach the subject. He also expects to be buried next to his former wife when he dies.”

In marriage, being a partner is more than just being a “loved”one. Especially for the remarried couples, no one knows whether there is a past love buried in his or her heart.

I encountered an old professor who had been in a long and loving marriage. However he remarried shortly after his wife passed away.Many people blamed him for“moving on” so fast. It seemed his past true love had suddenly evaporated into a “false feeling.”

Finally, a student asked,“Professor, which one do you love more, your new wife or the former one?

The professor just answered with a smile: “Since her death, my love has followed her.”

What a feeling in such a short answer! There are many people in the world who probably bury their love for the rest of their lives at the moment when their first love fails or when they are young and widowed. Even though they are still living, they are just living a routine and boring life.What is left in their heart is only reminiscence—no love anymore.Their love may be calm and sustaining, but will never blaze and burn again.

When I finished my essay entitled “My Beloved Forgotten for Years,” I showed it to my wife.She said, “How can you lie in the same bed with someone every day,but the one you love most in your heart is another person?”

She was probably suspicious of my intention. Just then I said,“Think about it, if I suddenly die some day, and after a while you find a man and you two are married, who is the most beloved one in your heart—that man or me?”

She kept silent for a while and seemed to agree with me in her eyes.

A few minutes later, she said,“Isn't that so? But it would be unfair to that man who got married for the first time. The love in his heart may be me, but my most beloved one is not him.”

Here is another wonderful story:

One man's wife died, and he married again shortly after. They had many children and a pleasant life. Unexpectedly, after decades,before his death, he still insisted on being buried next to his former wife.

The family followed his will,but a few years later, his second wife died, and she insisted on being buried next to her husband.

On the day of the burial, the cemetery workers were asked to open the grave, move aside the ashes of the old man and his first wife, and put in the urn of the second wife into the same grave.

It was a good thing that the old man was in the middle, and the two wives were on either side.The children of the first wife came with their grandchildren and forbade the second wife to take her place.

Pulling and pushing on both sides, one side wanted to put it in,and the other to take it out. All of a sudden, the old man's and the new dead wife's urns dropped to the ground and broke with two snaps.

What were they to do? The ashes of the two urns were mixed together, all gray and white powder. Would they be separated from each other? No, they were now mixed together.

The two families were both startled by what they saw.Suddenly another “snap” was heard. The son of the first wife smashed his mother's urn and said, “Let's mix it up together.I can't let my father and that woman inseparable while my mother is watching alone.”

Finally the three urns of ashes became one. The sons laughed,“Why bother? We all belong to the same family.”

(From Mastering Our Limited Life, Beijing Joint Publishing Company. Translation: Qing Run)

当一切化作烟尘

文/刘墉

杰奎琳·李·肯尼迪·奥纳西斯Jacqueline Lee Kennedy Onassis

杰奎琳·肯尼迪去世后，照她的遗嘱，葬在第一任丈夫约翰·肯尼迪旁边。新闻出来，议论纷纷：

“杰奎琳真势利，哪个丈夫有名有势，就葬在谁身边。”

“照西方规矩，女人嫁几任丈夫，就应该挂几个姓，她葬在肯尼迪旁边，是不是墓碑上还刻‘杰奎琳·肯尼迪·奥纳西斯’呢？还是把第二任丈夫除了名？”

“奥纳西斯真倒霉，到头来身边空空，没一个人。”

“你怎么不想想，奥纳西斯早葬在他前一任老婆的身边了呢？”

这倒使我想起一位女同事。

丈夫临终，把她叫到床边：“你平常每个礼拜都要去做头发、修指甲，别因为我死了，就不再打扮。没有一个男人，会爱邋遢的女人。”

丈夫又把儿子叫过去：“我死了之后，如果你妈又找到了爱她的男人，你们可不能反对。”

说完，就咽了气。

隔两三年，这位女同事果然又交了男朋友，也是个丧偶的人。临结婚，她对我说：“你知道吗？我跟他结婚是有条件的，就是我死了之后，一定要埋在我上一任先生的身边。”

“他答应了吗？”

“当然。”女同事笑道，“他高兴还来不及呢。他早要说，一直不敢说，他也希望死掉之后埋在他原来的老婆身边。”

伴侣、伴侣，那做伴的成分，可能远大于做“爱侣”的成分。尤其是再婚的老伴，谁知道在自己或对方的心底，不是埋藏着一份过去的爱？

记得一位原本是神仙眷属的老教授，在太太死去没多久便再婚了。许多人怪他“变”得太快，仿佛过去的鹣鲽情深，一下子都反讽成“虚情假意”。

终于有个大胆的学生问了：“教授，您对新师母和死去的师母，哪一位爱得比较深？”

教授只是一笑：

“自她死后，我的爱也跟着她死了。”

这淡淡的一句话，说出了多少情怀！要知道，这世上有许多人，很可能在初恋失败的那一刻，或年轻丧偶的那一天，便已经把自己一生的爱跟着埋葬。剩下的只是身体，在人间过着不得不过的日子。那心中留下的只是情，不是爱。只是平静地回应着、累积着，却永不再炽烈、燃烧。

我刚写完《遗忘多年的最爱》那篇散文时，拿给妻看。她很不高兴地说：“怎么可能跟一个人天天躺在同一张床上，心中最爱的却是另一个人？”

她八成是怀疑我有什么影射。只是当我说：“想想，如果我突然死了，隔一阵你又找到可以做老伴的人，你们结婚了，请问,你心底的最爱，会是那个男人还是我？”她不再吭气，眼睛里似乎立刻同意了我的看法。

过了几分钟，她又说：“可不是吗？但如果那个男人是第一次结婚，就太不公平了。他心底的最爱可能是我，我心底的最爱却不是他。”

有个故事说得妙：

一个人的太太早死，他跟着又娶了。两人养了一窝孩子，过得挺好。哪儿知道，过了几十年，这人死之前，居然坚持要埋到上一任太太身边。

家人照办了。可又过几年，第二任太太也死了，也坚持要埋到丈夫身边。

埋葬那天，请墓地工人凿开墓穴，把老头子和前任太太的骨灰坛往旁边挪出个空位，再把第二任太太的坛子放进去。

老爷在中间，前后两任太太在两边，原本挺好的事，没想到第一任太太生的孩子带着孙子赶来，硬是不准第二任太太“就位”。

两边拉拉扯扯，一边要放进去，一边要拿出来。突然，“啪嗒、啪嗒”两声，老爷和新死太太的骨灰坛子全掉地上，碎了。

怎么办？两坛骨灰混在一块儿，全是灰灰白白的粉末，要分吗？不是这堆掺了那堆，就是那堆里有了这堆。

两家人全愣了。接着，又是“啪嗒”一声，第一任太太的儿子把他娘的骨灰坛子也砸了下去：“要掺，全掺一块儿吧。总不能让我爸爸跟那个女人难分难舍，却要我娘孤零零地在旁边看。”

三坛骨灰成了一坛。两任太太生的孩子相对一笑：“何必呢？全是一家人。”

（摘自《把握我们有限的今生》北京联合出版公司）