What It’s Like to Be an Alcoholic

One year, I attended an event. In the end, the organizer ended up holding a celebration party and coerced me into drinking. I was afraid of drinking too much and getting into a state. So, I took my chance, while I was still clearheaded, staggered down the stairs and hailed a taxi. The driver asked me where I was going, I told him to Shangri-La Hotel.

At the hotel, I just couldn’t unlock my hotel room door. The clerk at reception kept telling me that I wasn’t staying at the Shangri-La. I thought that they were all out of their minds. In a huff, I took out my phone,showing them my itinerary, which clearly said:“9th, Shanghai,Shangri-La.”

The hotel reception manager looked, confusedly, at me,“Sir, firstly, today is the 28th.Secondly, your card is for Swiss Hotel. Thirdly, this is Dalian.”

有一年，我参加活动。末了，主办方开庆功宴，灌我喝酒，我怕喝多了难受，就趁着清醒一个人晃悠悠地下了楼，拦上一辆出租车就走。司机问我去哪儿，我说，香格里拉。

到了酒店，我的房卡却怎么也打不开门，前台口口声声说我不住香格里拉。我觉得酒店疯了，愤怒地掏出手机给他们看日程表，上面清清楚楚记着“九号，上海，香格里拉”。

前台经理皱着眉头看着我：“先生，第一，今天都二十八号了；第二，您的卡是瑞士酒店；第三，这里是大连。”

Once, my friend Gao had drunk too much.Looking at the clock overhanging on the wall, he poked his buddy Xiao and asked,“What time is it? I can’t see clearly.”

Xiao squinted at it for quite some time before he said,“It’s a dang ventilating fan.”

有一次，我朋友高老西儿喝多了，看着墙上的挂钟，捅了捅肖二爷：“几点了？我眼睛看不清了。”

肖二爷劳神费力一眼大一眼小地看了半天：“介泥马排风扇。”

When we have a performance the next day, as trainees we’re prohibited from drinking any alcohol the night before. This day,though, we waited till lights out,and had a drink and some food in our dorms. This kind of party was a bit like an underground club,somewhere we could only invite those who were trustworthy to come. Everyone had to swear an oath that even if they were caught,they would never confess. Before we got to partying, we went over all our safety measures both inside and outside of the dorm,just to make sure we weren’t in any danger and nothing would go wrong.

Suddenly, someone was knocking at the door using our secret signal. We opened the door and saw the guy who had just gone to the bathroom, Da Lifang…Behind him was our team captain who had come to take us down.

We were at a loss, why would Da Lifang betray us? Even while we were writing self-critiques this question puzzled us to no end.

Later we found out, when he went to the bathroom,he’d already had a little too much drink. On his way back he accidently knocked on our captain’s door and then began shouting,“I will never defect!”

又有一年到外地演出，学员队是禁酒的。这天，我却以酒菜聚众，就在我们宿舍，熄灯查铺之后。这类聚会，很像是某种地下会员俱乐部，来的人必须是可靠的。众人歃血为盟，即使被捕也打死不能招供。畅饮之前，大家里里外外做了各种防范工作，确保万无一失。

突然，有人用暗号敲门，我们开门，看见了刚才去厕所的会员大力放……以及他身后抓我们的队长。

我就纳闷了，大力放怎么会叛变？这疑问，即使在作检查的时候也百思不得其解。

后来我才知道，大力放喝多了，去了厕所后跑去敲队长的门，大喊：“我是绝对不会叛变的！”