The Visa Denial Blues

By Luo Bupo （罗布泊） Translation by Chase Coulson

说到出国签证，难保不会遇上几个奇葩面试官，不给你过签证的理由，简直是五花八门。

Getting papers to a foreign country is a thing of beauty but having a run-in with that eccentric visa interviewer is a thing of unholy terror, as there are literally a smorgasbord of reasons why this, sometimes cantankerous individual, might deny your visa application.

留学生：“您好，我的护照。”

签证官：“你的护照号后三位是911？”

“对呀。”

“我讨厌911。”

所以，被拒签了。

Exchange Student: “Hello,here is my passport.”

Visa Officer: “Are the last three digits of your passport 911?”

Exchange Student: “Yes, Sir.”

Visa Of ficer: “911 brings back bad memories! DENIED!”

一个朋友要去法国读研，想先读半年预科，被拒签了，拒签的理由是，朋友现有水平可以直接读研，不需要读预科。

A friend was going to attend graduate school in France but had to attend a half-year preparatory course first. When his visa was denied the reason was that he had such a high level of achievement that there was no reason to attend the preparatory course.

杭州一名从事教育行业的女性，29岁，打算去美国生小孩。大使馆签证官问她去美国干吗，她说：“旅游，顺便去生小孩。”结果被拒签。

拒签的理由是：她挺着大肚子去旅游太危险了。

A 2 9-y e a r-o l d f e m a l e from Hangzhou working in the education field was preparing to go to America to have a baby. The visa officer asked her what she was going to do in the country and she replied, “I’m going there for travel, and since I’ll already be there, I might as well have a baby.” Ultimately, she was denied the visa.

T h e r e a s o n g i v e n f o r the denial was that, with her bulging stomach, it would be too dangerous to travel.

上海一位妈妈，31岁，外企白领，怀着二胎去办签证时带着大宝贝。孩子在领事馆里跑来跑去，很吵。她直接被拒签，就因为熊孩子瞎跑。

A thirty-one-year-old whitecollar worker from Shanghai who was pregnant with her second baby took her first child along with her to the visa office.While at the embassy, the child kept running around wildly and making a lot of noise, so her visa was denied. The reason given was that her child was too noisy running around like a brat.

33岁的罗恩来自英国，她和丈夫打算申请新西兰移民身份，但是被拒绝，理由竟是他们太胖。罗恩的体重达到131公斤，移民局准许她减重成功后继续申请。

Thirty-three-year-old Rowen from England went with her husband to get a New Zealand immigrant ID card but was denied. As it turned out, the reason for the denial was due to her rotundity. Rowen weighed 131 kilograms, and the immigration bureau only allowed her to reapply after getting all the excess blubber off.

朋友打算去美国玩，大使馆签证官问他去干吗。他笑而不语，做了一个推筹码的动作，大喊一声“赌一把”，结果被拒签了。理由是怕他输光了回不来，赢太多了不想回来。

A friend was planning to go on a pleasure trip to America. At the embassy he was asked what he was planning to do in the country. He laughed but didn’t say anything, instead he made a motion like he was piling up gambling chips and shouted in a loud voice, “Let’s make a bet!” As it turns out his visa was denied.The reason was that they were afraid he would overstay his visa,because, let’s face it, if he lost everything gambling, he wouldn’t be able to come back, and if he made a mint, he would never want to return home.

有个中年妇女去办签证，被拒。她离开时嘟囔了一句：“美国有什么好的，我还不想去呢。”

面试官闻听此言，立即叫住她：“你不知道美国有多好是吗？那我就让你去知道。”说着就盖上了章……

A middle-aged woman went to get a visa but was denied. As she was leaving the visa of fice she was overcome by a case of sour grapes, “What’s so special about America? I would never want to go to a horrible country like that!”

The interviewing officer heard her mumbling and grumbling and shouted at her to stop, “You don’t know how great a country America is? Well you’re about to find out,” he said reproachfully as he stamped“approved” on her application form.

想和朋友去日本，签证官问：“去日本最想干什么？”

我回答：“去看樱花，再去北海道玩玩。”

没想到签证官说：“看樱花去中国台湾阿里山就可以了，北海道和中国海南差不多。”

接着“啪”地一下，盖上拒签章。

I was getting ready to go to Japan with a friend, the visa of ficer asked why I wanted to go to Japan.

“I want to see the sakuras and then have some fun in Hokkaido,”I replied.

I could never in my wildest dreams have predicted what the officer would say next, “If you want to see the sakuras, just go to Mount Alishan in Taiwan, and Hakkaido is about the same as Hainan in China.”

Just at that moment the“thwap” of a denied stamp echoed in my ears.