我 的 移 民 故 事

文/谭乐 译/袁朝云 王静雅 审订/馨心

我 的 移 民 故 事

文/谭乐 译/袁朝云 王静雅 审订/馨心

Technologist Tan Le1谭乐，爱默提公司（Emotiv Systems，美国加州旧金山的一家神经科技公司）的联合创始人。2011年她在TED女性峰会（TEDxWomen）上发表演讲，讲述她幼时和母亲、外婆和妹妹从越南偷渡到澳大利亚建立新生活的故事。本文是这篇演讲的英文实录。tells a very personal story: the story of her family—mother, grandmother and sister—fleeing Vietnam and building a new life.

How can I speak in 10 minutes about the bonds of women over three generations, about how the astonishing strength of those bonds took hold in the life of a four-year-old girl huddled2huddle（通常因寒冷或害怕）挤在一起。with her young sister, her mother and her grandmother for fi ve days and nights in a small boat in the South China Sea more than 30 years ago. Bonds that took hold in the life of that small girl and never let go—that small girl now living in San Francisco and speaking to you today. This is not a fi nished story. It is a jigsaw33 jigsaw拼图游戏。puzzle still being put together. Let me tell you about some of the pieces.

[2] The fi rst piece of the jigsaw is of a boat in the early dawn slipping silently out to sea. My mother, Mai, was 18 when her father died—already in an arranged marriage, already with two small girls. For her, life had distilled4distill提取……的精华。itself into one task: the escape of her family and a new life in Australia. It was inconceivable5inconceivable不能想象的；不可思议的。to her that she would not succeed. So after a four-year saga66 saga（讲述许多年间发生的事情的）长篇故事；一连串的事件（或经历）。that defies7defy向……挑战,向……叫阵。fiction, a boat slipped out to sea disguised as a fi shing vessel. All the adults knew the risks. The greatest fear was of pirates, rape and death. Like most adults on the boat, my mother carried a small bottle of poison. If we were captured, fi rst my sister and I, then she and my grandmother would drink.

[3] My first memories are from the boat—the steady beat of the engine, the bow dipping88 dip（突然的）下沉。into each wave, the vast and empty horizon. I don’t remember the pirates who came many times, but were bluffed9bluff（虚张声势地）恐吓，吓唬。by the bravado10bravado故作勇敢；虚张声势。of the men on our boat, or the engine dying and failing to start for six hours. But I do remember the lights on the oil rig11oil rig石油钻塔。off the Malaysian coast and the young man who collapsed122 collapse（尤指因病重而）倒下。and died, the journey’s end too much for him, and the first apple I tasted, given to me by the men on the rig. No apple has ever tasted the same.

[4] After three months in a refugee camp, we landed in Melbourne. And the next piece of the jigsaw is about four women across three generations shaping a new life together. We settled in Footscray, a working-class suburb whose demographic is layers of immigrants. Unlike the settled13settled稳定的；安定的。middleclass suburbs, whose existence I was oblivious14oblivious不注意的；不知道的。of, there was no sense of entitlement15sense of entitlement特权感；特权意识。in Footscray. The smells from shop doors were from the rest of the world. And the snippets16snippet（消息、知识等的）片断；小部分。of halting English were exchanged between people who had one thing in common: They were starting again.

[5] My mother worked on farms, then on a car assembly line17assembly line流水作业线。, working six days, double shifts. Somehow, she found time to study English and gain IT qualifications. We were poor. All the dollars were allocated18allocate分配。and extra tuition in English and mathematics was budgeted for regardless of what missed out, which was usually new clothes; they were always secondhand. Two pairs of stockings for school, each to hide the holes in the other. A school uniform down to the ankles, because it had to last for six years. And there were rare but searing19searing（话语、文字）尖刻的。chants20chant重复的话语。of “slit-eye”21欧美人对东亚人的蔑称。slit长而窄的口子；狭缝。and the occasional graffiti22graffiti涂鸦。: “Asian, go home.” Go home to where? Something stiffened inside me. There was a gathering of resolve and a quiet voice saying, “I will bypass23bypass撇在一边；看成无足轻重。you.”

[6] My mother, my sister and I slept in the same bed. My mother was exhausted each night, but we told one another about our day and listened to the movements of my grandmother around the house. My mother suffered from nightmares, all about the boat. And my job was to stay awake until her nightmares came so I could wake her. She opened a computer store, then studied to be a beautician and opened another business.

[7] I lived in parallel worlds. In one, I was the classic Asian student, relentless24relentless不停的；不懈的。in the demands that I made on myself. In the other, I was enmeshed25enmeshed陷入的；被缠住的。in lives that were precarious26precarious（生活等）不安定的。, tragically scarred27scar给……留下精神创伤。by violence, drug abuse and isolation. But when I was a final-year law student, I was chosen as the Young Australian of the Year. And I was catapulted28catapult使突然上升；使一跃而成为。from one piece of the jigsaw to another, and their edges didn’t fi t.

[8] I didn’t know the protocols29protocol礼节。. I didn’t know how to use the cutlery30cutlery餐具（刀、叉和汤匙）。. I didn’t know how to talk about wine. I didn’t know how to talk about anything. I wanted to retreat to the routines and comfort of life in an unsung31unsung被埋没的；未被颂扬的。suburb—a grandmother,a mother and two daughters ending each day as they had for almost 20 years, telling one another the story of their day and falling asleep, the three of us still in the same bed. I told my mother I couldn’t do it. She reminded me that I was now the same age she had been when we boarded the boat. “No”had never been an option. “Just do it,”she said, “and don’t be what you’re not.”

[9] So I spoke out on youth unemployment and education and the neglect of the marginalized32marginalize使显得微不足道；使处于边缘。and disenfranchised33disenfranchise剥夺（某人）的权利（尤指选举权）。. I met people from all walks of life, so many of them doing the thing they loved, living on the frontiers of possibility. There had to be another piece of the jigsaw.And I realized that it is OK to be an outsider, a recent arrival, new on the scene—and not just OK, but something to be thankful for, perhaps a gift from the boat. Because being an insider can so easily mean collapsing the horizons, can so easily mean accepting the presumptions34presumption假定；认为真实的事。of your province35province（学识或活动的）领域；（兴趣或职责的）范围。. I have stepped outside my comfort zone enough now to know that, yes, the world does fall apart, but not in the way that you fear.

[10] Now I would like to have my own children, and I wonder about the boat. Who could ever wish it on their own? Yet I am afraid of privilege, of ease, of entitlement. Can I give them a bow in their lives, dipping bravely into each wave, the unperturbed36unperturbed未受干扰的；平静的。and steady beat of the engine, the vast horizon that guarantees nothing? I don’t know. But if I could give it and still see them safely through, I would. ■

技术专家谭乐向我们讲述了自己的家事：一个关于自己和母亲、外婆、妹妹逃离越南、开创新生活的故事。

血脉相连的三代女性的故事，十分钟哪里讲得完；30多年前，中国南海海面上，正是血脉相连的惊人力量，让一个4岁的小女孩与妹妹、母亲和外婆紧紧相依，熬过五天五夜的漂泊。血脉根植在小女孩的生命中，永远无法摆脱——这个女孩如今生活在旧金山，现在正给诸位讲故事。故事远未结束，就像一幅仍在拼接的拼图。就让我来讲讲其中的几块拼板吧。

[2]第一块拼图，是黎明时分悄然滑向大海的一条小船。母亲梅18岁丧父，那时她已在一场包办婚姻中生下了两个女儿，孩子都还很小。对于当时的她来说，生活的唯一目标就是带家人逃离，到澳大利亚开始新生活。母亲坚信自己能够成功。于是，在长达四年比小说还波折的传奇经历之后，我们坐上一条伪装成渔船的小船，滑向了大海。大人们都知道危险重重，最令人恐惧的是遭遇海盗、强奸和死亡。母亲和船上大部分成年人一样，上船时带了一小瓶毒药。如果我们被抓住，妹妹、我、母亲和外婆会依次服毒自尽。

[3]我最初的记忆源自那条小船：平稳而有节奏的发动机声，随波破浪的船头，辽阔宽广的地平线。对于来了很多次的海盗我记不清了，但是船上男人们的虚张声势、发动机熄火后六个小时都无法启动倒是把我吓了一跳。我清楚地记得马来西亚海岸石油钻塔发出的亮光，记得一个年轻小伙挨不到旅程结束便病重而死。我还清楚记得人生中尝到的第一个苹果就是钻塔上的人给的，此后我再也没有吃过那样美味的苹果了。

[4]在难民营待了三个月后，我们在墨尔本登岸。接下来的一块拼图就是三代四女共同开创新生活的故事了。我们定居在富茨克雷，这是以工薪阶层为主的郊区，根据人口统计，这里的居民主要是不同层次的移民。不像那些以中产阶级为主的郊区（当时我不知道还有那样的地方），在富茨克雷没有特权意识，就连从商店门口飘出的味道都仿佛来自另一个世界。人们用有限的英文词汇磕磕巴巴地交流，这些人共同的一点是：都将从头再来。

[5]起初，母亲在农场干活，后来去了汽车组装线，每周工作六天，双班倒。但她竟然还挤出时间学英语并取得了IT资格证。那时家里很穷，所有的钱都有它们的用处，而且家里不管缺什么都要留出补习英语和数学的额外费用，当然缺的通常是新衣服，我们总是穿旧衣服。我们上学时要穿两双袜子，为的是用一双袜子遮住另一双上的洞；校服长得盖过脚踝，因为得穿六年。虽不常见，但也会听到有人刻薄地不断叫着 “眯缝眼”。偶尔我也会看到墙上的涂鸦：“亚洲人，回自己家去吧！”可家在哪儿呢？我内心的某种东西变得坚硬起来，我坚定了决心，内心响起一个平静的声音：“我会无视你。”

[6]我和母亲、妹妹睡在一张床上。每晚母亲都拖着疲惫的身子回家，但我们还是会聊聊一天发生的事情，听听外婆在家里走来走去的声音。母亲一直被噩梦困扰着，都是关于那条小船的。我的职责就是不要睡着，在她做噩梦的时候叫醒她。母亲开了一家电脑商店，后来又学习美容，另开了一家美容院。

[7]我活在两个平行的世界里：一方面，我是典型的亚洲学生，时刻严格要求自己；另一方面，我生活在一个危险的世界，这里的人处境悲惨，暴力冲突、滥用毒品和种族隔离给他们留下了深深的创伤。不过在我从法学系毕业的那年，我当选为“澳大利亚年度杰出青年”。就这样，我的人生拼图从一块陡变为另一块，而我并不适应这样的转变。

[8]我不懂礼仪，不会用刀叉，不懂得如何与人谈论葡萄酒，不知该如何谈论任何事情。我很想回到从前在无名市郊舒适的日常生活——近20年来，外婆、母亲和我们姐妹两个每天都是这样结束一天的生活：还是母女三人同睡一张床，互相说说一天中发生的事，渐入梦乡。我告诉母亲，自己无法适应新的生活。母亲告诉我，当年我们乘船出来时，她正好是我这么大。退缩永远不是一种选择。“大胆尝试。”母亲对我说，“做好自己。”

[9]从此，针对青年人失业和教育问题、边缘群体和被剥夺权利群体不受重视的问题，我开始公开发声。我遇到了各行各业的人们，很多人都在做着自己喜欢的事情，探索着各种可能。这里还有另外一块拼图，那就是我意识到身为一个外来者，一个新成员，感觉也不错，岂只是不错，我还应该感谢这种身份。或许这就是小船带给我的礼物吧。因为身为局内人意味着眼界容易受限，也很容易自以为是。而我已经跳离了那个舒适区。是的，我知道世界的确会崩溃，但并非是以你所恐惧的那种方式。

[10]现在我想有自己的小孩，我还想着那条船。谁愿意独自面对惊涛骇浪？然而我害怕特权，害怕安逸和权利。我能给他们的一条破浪前行的小船吗？伴随着发动机平稳地运转，前面是广袤未知的地平线，可是这些我能给予他们吗？我不知道。但如果我有能力给予并能看到他们安全驶过，我想我会的。 □

My Immigration Story

ByTan Le

（译者单位：天津师范大学）