All-round Woman Tackled Marriage Crisis

By Su Jinse

All-round Woman Tackled Marriage Crisis

By Su Jinse

In ancient times, women who were talented could hardly handle the chores of housewives. Can you picture the scene of Lin Daiyu managing the trivia in Jia’s mansion? Can you imagine Li Qingzhao—who was always either writing or drinking—minding the farmland and counting the income of the shop? Vice versa, how can a housewife who hosts the whole family—looking after the old and young—spare time to sigh for the changes of seasons and convert emotions into literary works?

Guan Daosheng managed to do it. Not only was she a talented and intelligent lady, she was also an able housewife, performing well both in the kitchen and the hall.

Guan Daosheng was highly versatile, mastering writing, painting, and calligraphy. Her calligraphy enjoyed equal popularity with that of Madam Wei,teacher of the eminent calligrapher Wang Xizhi. Therefore, she was honored as “Madam Guan.” Her paintings were also regarded as national treasures and showcased at the Palace Museum. Her husband, Zhao Mengfu was more renowned. As the eleventh grandson of Emperor Taizu of Song, Zhao Kuangyin, he was also a calligrapher, painter, and poet in the Yuan dynasty.The same hobbies brought them together. The sweet couple led a happy life,having three sons and six daughters.

Apart from the eldest who died young, the other eight offspring of Guan grew healthily in the years without antibiotics, vaccinations, and surgery. This shows how careful she was when tending to her children. She had once written a poem about child rearing: “Another sunny day in Spring, with the kids, off to the bamboo forest. Now that Spring is in the air, under the sun, bamboo shoots sprout.” The poem not only expressed the joy of hanging out with the youth,it also revealed a mother’s expectations for children to grow up healthily.Apart from taking children to family trips, she also painted with the children.Educated in this enjoyable manner, her sons, Zhao Yong and Zhao Yi, both became masters of calligraphy and painting.

Guan Daosheng was also an efficient manager. Under her management, the whole family was united and harmonious. To the elders, she never neglected her filial duties; to her husband and the younger, she offered them help and care. Besides, she was very kind to her kinsmen. If she knew anyone was sold into slavery, she would buy him freedom. If she found anyone in trouble, she would give a hand without hesitation. Therefore, she won the love and respect of all her kins. Normally, it is annoying enough for an ordinary woman to deal with her mother and sister in law. However, Guan Daosheng was able to manage the huge family of more than a hundred people. Surely, she was a“superwoman.” Also, her social competence was impressive. The colleagues and friends of her husband all showered praise on her. Later, when her husband was promoted, she was honored as “the Madam of Wei.” After that,Guan often appeared in the palace. In court,the lady again impressed people with her social capability, and became a close friend of the Queen.

However, such a lady with high intelligence and sociability also encountered marriage crisis. In ancient China, men were allowed to have concubines. Men who refused to have concubines would be called hen-pecked and his companions would also send him concubines.For this reason, we can’t call Zhao Mengfu a bad man. He was just tired of his partner after years of marriage.

In his forties, Zhao Mengfu was sent to work in the south Yangtze River region and Guan Daosheng was left in the capital city to look after the family. The couple was parted.Over the next two years, Zhao Mengfu didn’t return home and he only wrote occasionally to his wife. Immediately, Guan Daosheng sensed that her husband must have been with another women. Compared with those sobbing and rowdy women who were mad at their husbands’ affairs, Guan Daosheng was a notch above them. She knew that quarrelling with her husband would only give the mistress opportunity to creep in. Therefore, she wrote a letter to her husband saying: “The bamboos you cut when you left, they have grown into a forest, but you have not returned. The withered flowers will bloom again, but the decrepit appearance of mine can never reverse.” This letter expressed her deep love for her husband and the melancholy triggered by the passing of time. There was not a single line of complaint.Zhao Mengfu came back home immediately after reading this letter.

In his fifties, Zhao Mengfu felt restless again.This time, he also obliquely expressed his intentions. He wrote a letter to his wife saying:“I am the official, you are the wife. Haven’t you heard that official Wang has Tao Ye and Tao Gen and official Su has Zhao Yun and Mu Yun? I am justified to have some Wu Ji and Yue Nv. Already in your forties, minding the household is enough for you.” In this letter he tried to tell his wife that writer Su Shi and calligrapher Wang Xianzhi all had concubines, thus it was reasonable for him to have a few mistresses. He felt the main focus of his faded wife should be the family and being a responsible wife.

在古代，做得了才女的，一般就做不了家庭主妇，你能想象林黛玉去管理贾府的美好画面吗？你能指望不是写词就是喝酒的李清照去关心家里农田和店铺赚了多少银子吗？反过来，主持中馈的家庭主妇，管着一家老小的吃喝拉撒，哪有工夫和心情悲春伤秋、舞文弄墨？

管道升却是一朵奇葩。她不仅才华绝代，而且是一位出色的家庭主妇，上得了厅堂，下得了厨房。

管道升是个全才，不仅能写一手好诗词，而且书画双绝。管道升的书法与书圣王羲之的老师卫夫人齐名，被尊称为“管夫人”。她画的画亦是国宝，被珍藏在故宫博物院里。她的丈夫赵孟頫，更是出名，是宋太祖赵匡胤的十一世孙，也是元代的书法家、画家和诗人。夫妻俩的喜好一模一样。因为志同道合，夫妻非常恩爱，生了3个儿子和6个女儿。

在没有抗生素、疫苗和手术的古代，除了长子早夭，管道升的8个孩子都健健康康地活了下来，由此可见，她照顾孩子们非常精心。她写过一首育儿诗：“春晴今日又逢晴，闲与儿曹竹下行。春意近来浓几许，森森稚子日边生。”其中既有陪伴孩子在竹林中玩耍的乐趣，又有对孩子健康成长的期盼。除了亲子游，她还经常带着孩子画画。在她寓教于乐的培养下，两个儿子赵雍和赵奕都成为书画名家。

管道升还是一位高效的管理者。在她的管理下，家里内外整然。她不仅孝顺公婆，相夫教子，还对族人非常友善。族人中如果有卖身为奴的，她只要知道，一定出钱把人赎出来；看见谁家有难，马上出手帮忙救济，所以族人对她十分爱戴。一般的女人光应付婆婆和小姑子都头疼，管道升却把上百人的庞大家族都搞定了，实在能力值爆表。她的社交能力也一流，丈夫的同事朋友都对她交口称赞。因为老公升官，被封为“魏国夫人”之后，管道升经常出入宫廷，还和皇后成了闺蜜，这情商得多高？

但就是这样一位智商和情商双高的女人，也遇到过婚姻危机。没办法，男人在古代纳妾不用付出任何代价，你不纳妾，同事朋友还会送你小妾，嘲笑你是妻管严。所以，不能因此就给赵孟頫贴上坏男人的标签，只能说，结婚多年后，这个男人确实审美疲劳了。

40多岁时，赵孟頫在江南一带做官，管道升留在京都，照顾一家老小，夫妻俩开始两地分居。赵孟頫之后连续两年没回家，只是偶尔给老婆写信。管道升敏感地意识到，肯定有小妖精绊住丈夫的腿了。和只会一哭二闹三上吊的女人相比，管道升的智商优势显露无遗。她知道自己绝对不能和老公闹，如果闹大了，对方正好借机登堂入室。于是，她给丈夫发去鸿雁一封：“夫君去日竹新栽，竹子成林夫未来；容貌一衰难再好，不如花落又花开。”既表达了对丈夫的思念，又流露出自己年华老去的惆怅，但一句指责对方的话都没有。赵孟頫一收到信，就屁颠屁颠地回家了。

50来岁时，赵孟頫的心又活动了。这次，他也很委婉，给老婆写了一封信：“我为学士，你做夫人，岂不闻王学士有桃叶、桃根，苏学士有朝云、暮云？我便多娶几个吴姬、越女无过分，你已年过四十，只管占住玉堂春。”意思是，文学家苏轼和书法家王献之都纳妾，我纳妾多正常啊。你人老珠黄，安心做正房太太就好了。

管道升决定还是以情动人。她写了一首《我侬词》，热烈地对老公真情告白：“你侬我侬，忒煞情多，情多处，热如火。把一块泥，捏一个你，塑一个我，将咱两个一起打破，用水调和，再捏一个你，塑一个我，我泥中有你，你泥中有我。与你生同一个衾，死同一个椁。”

看到这首词，文艺老青年赵孟頫顿时崩溃了，小妾能跟自己同生共死吗？为了一个玩物伤妻子的心，真是太不值了。从那之后，他再也没有动过纳妾的心思，一心一意地和老婆过日子。

57岁时，管道升病故。赵孟頫悲恸欲绝，郁郁寡欢，在爱妻死后3年去世。夫妻俩合葬于湖州德清县东衡山南麓。他们终于“生同一个衾，死同一个椁”了。◆

（摘自《婚姻与家庭·社会纪实》2017年第3期）

Guan Daosheng decided to impress her husband with love, writing a tune as a reply: “You have me in your heart,I have you in mine. We are in love, fiery love. Take the clay,model and mold me. Break us together, mix us with water.Remodel you and me. You are in the clay of mine, I am in the clay of yours. In life, we are under the same quilt; after death, we lie under the same plank.”

After reading this tune, Zhao Mengfu broke down. How could a concubine live and die with her man? Breaking his wife’s heart for a temporary plaything was not worthwhile.From then on, he spent the rest of his life with just his wife.

At the age of 57, Guan Daosheng died of disease. Zhao Mengfu was inconsolable and sullen, dying just three years later. The couple was buried at the south foot of Dongheng Mountain, Deqing County, Huzhou City. Eventually, they brought the line “In life, we are under the same quilt; after death, we lie under the same plank” into reality. ◆

(From Marriage and Family Issue 3, 2017. Translation:Yu Lan.)

女神遭遇婚姻危机

文/苏锦瑟