Mom,I Miss You

Mom,I Miss You

You left home after you had a fight with my father and never returned①ever since. At that time I was only two.From then on,my father began to drink and smoke every day.When I was four,he died in an accident.I lost him.

I live with my grandparents.They have taken lots of trouble to bring me up.When I saw other children’s parents to take②them to the park,to the school or to the cinema. How I envy them!

In my dreams,I always see you and hear your voice.You’re a nice woman.I throw myself to you and you take me in your arms closely.How happy I was then!But when I wake up,everything is still like what it was before.

I asked grandma where you had been③and when you would be back.She said she didn’t know,but she said if I were a good child,you would be back soon.So I have been studying hard.I’m one of the best students in the school.Teachers and students all like me.I have been expecting you return④every day.

Mom,do you still remember me?Do you know my wish?Will you please be back soon?

I miss you,Mom.

安徽省濉溪县四铺中心学校八（3）班朱敏

【栏目要求】

1.将学生习作根据中考分值给出成绩;2.在应该修改的地方划线并标注序号;

3.根据所标序号进行修改并说明修改的理由;4.给学生习作点评<优点与不足>;

5.请点评名师提供简历一份，包括：学校、职务、职称、荣誉、教研教学成果、照片一张。

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来稿请寄：430079华中师范大学外国语学院《中学生英语》杂志社收

本期点评名师

姜经志男，中学英语高级教师，省级骨干教师，淮北市优秀教师，中国外语学习研究会会员，《学英语》，《英语周报》特约编辑、《中学生英语》兼职编委。多年来，在省级以上报刊发表文章800余篇，并有多篇论文获奖。曾主编《初中生英语满分作文大全》《英语奥林匹克》《新目标英语八年级暑假作业》，参编《高中英语知识点反馈与阅读》《初中英语题典大全》《21世纪英语学习指南》《初中英语新作文》《中学生英语水平测试》等10余册，辅导学生30余人次在国家和省级英语竞赛中获奖。

点评

1.优点：

这是一篇情真意切、充满感情的文章。它是作者用心完成的。本文告诉广大父母亲：自己的言行要对孩子负责，不要让孩子过早失去父母的爱。

2.需要修改的地方：

①never returned改为have never returned。ever since意为“从那以后”，常与现在完成时连用。

②to take改为take。see sb.do sth.意为“看见某人做了某事”。see后面应接不带to的动词不定式。

③had been改为had gone。have been to表示“曾经去过某地”，现在已不在那里了；have(has)gone to意为“到某地去了”，表示到了某地或正在去某地的途中，总之，说话时该人不在现场。

④return改为to return。expect sb.to do sth.意为“期待某人做某事”。

3.评分：

按中考英语作文满分20分的标准，本文修改前可得18分。