亲爱的日记，麻烦你告诉我的铲屎官

绘◎盒子菌

Dear diary,

My food dish is now only half full. It is obvious①obvious 英 ['ɒbvɪəs] 美 ['ɑbvɪəs] adj. 明显的；显著的that I will soon starve to death. I have repeatedly②repeatedly 英 [rɪ'piːtɪdlɪ] 美 [rɪ'pitɪdli]adv. 反复地；再三地；屡次地tried to draw attention to my predicament with the authorities but they are clearly either stupid, deaf,or just cruel.This may be my last entry.

Dear diary,

It has come to my attention that the authorities③authorities 英 [ɔː'θɒrɪtɪz] 美 [ə'θɔrətɪz]n. 当局，官方（authority的复数）have two hands but seem to have made it the sadistic policy only to pet me with one of them at that time. Half of love is just, lo- , which is how I feel. My spirit is beakng.

亲爱的日记：

朕的伙食每顿减为半碗猫粮，长此以往朕命不久矣。朕数次向当局反应我的困境，但显然，他们不是太蠢就是聋，或者只是冷血残忍。这篇日记很可能成为朕的绝笔。亲爱的日记：

朕敏锐地发现铲屎官有两只手，却竟敢一次只用一只手来抚摸朕，减半的爱就是“唉”，一如朕现在的心情，站在崩溃的边缘。

亲爱的日记：

昨天朕不过就申请开下花园大门，然而似乎出于纯粹的恶意，铲屎官拒绝将门开得久一些，让寡人思考外出的必要性。出？还是不出去？出？还是不出去……

亲爱的日记：

松鼠君今日又来拜访，讥笑寡人，朕用了四个小时竭尽所能平息怒火、梳理玉体。

亲爱的日记：

朕数次出征袭击恐怖植物，如今前功尽弃，冥冥之中，似乎有一股邪恶的力量从中作梗，助其绵延不绝，朕唯有再次出击，一如西西弗斯，循环炼狱之苦。

Dear diary,

Yesterday I put in a simple request regarding the door to the garden but seemingly out of sheer④sheer英 [ʃɪə] 美 [ʃɪr] adj. 绝对的；透明的；峻峭的；纯粹的adv. 完全；陡峭地spite the authorities refused to hold the door open long enough for me to decide whether to go outside or inside, or outside, or inside.

Dear diary,

The squirrel was back again today.It mocks⑤mock英 [mɒk] 美 [mɑk] vt. 愚弄，嘲弄me. I will try and release my mind from this torment and groom myself. For four hours.

Dear diary,

My attempts to destroy the terrible plant have all been for naught⑥naught英 [nɔːt] 美 [nɔt] n. 零；无价值adj. 无价值的；无用的. somehow,almost as if by some evil magic, a new one has appeared in its place. I will have to start over now. Like Sisyphus⑦Sisyphus ['sisifəs]n. 【希腊神话】西绪福斯(科林斯国的暴君，死后入地狱被罚做永无休止的推巨石苦工),I am bound to hell.