英语书面表达夺“帅”妙法

【名师简介】尹继友：湖北省黄冈市拔尖人才，全国教研优秀教师，现代英语研究所研究员，全国多家英语刊物的特约编辑。主编或参与编写教辅书籍20余本，出版了个人专著《尹氏口诀英语考试必备》《尹氏英语朗朗口诀法》。

笔者连续多年从事高三英语教学并参加书面表达的阅卷工作，发现书面表达的平均得分都不高，现把高考书面表达阅卷的得分点和写作踩分技巧总结出来，助力2016年高考。

Part 1：“形”“神”不散

英语写作要求“形”不散，“神”也不能散，这是考生在写作文时尤其要注意的。“形”即文章的句子，“形不散”即句与句之间要连贯，句子要有变化;“神”即文章的中心，“神不散”即文章要围绕一个中心来进行写作。

一、骨架立体：“形”不散

1.使用连词、副词、过渡词语，使句与句之间连贯。

例1：Yesterday I got up at 7：00. I got dressed and washed myself quickly. I rushed into the living-room. My mother was preparing breakfast. I had breakfast at 7：30， I got my bike and went to school.

这段文字的“形”是散的，句子不连贯。这样的句子只是松散地堆积在一起，要使它们有机连贯，必须用一些词语把它们连接起来。可以改为：

Yesterday I got up at 7：00. Then I got dressed and washed myself quickly. I rushed into the living-room. My mother was preparing breakfast. Later I had breakfast at 7：30. After that I got my bike and went to school.

2.使用多种句式，使文章句子表达富于变化。在一篇文章里，既有简单句，也要有复合句，如名词性从句、定语从句、状语从句等，或非谓语结构、with独立结构等。

例2：On weekdays afternoon ，we had an hour for after-class activities from 4：20 to 5：20.The activities are divided into three parts. One is called sports. Sports include ball games， track and field gym and so on. The second is recreation. It includes singing， dacing and performance. The third is science and technology. It consists of science reading， computer operating and experiments.

文章通篇都用同样结构的句子，显得很没有生气，千篇一律，得分较低。如果使用多种句式，表达方式多样，就显得生动、有活力。上段文字可以改为：

On weekdays afternoon， we had an hour for after-class activities from 4：20 to 5：20.The activities are divided into three parts. One is called sports， including ball games， track and field gym and so on. Recreation is another part with singing， dacing and performance. The third is science and technology which consists of science reading， computer operating and experiments.

二、血肉豐满：“ 神 ” 不散

“神”不散的有效办法之一是利用主题句写作，即公式main idea = topic sentence 1 + topic sentence 2。考生首先要确定文章的中心，每段列出一个主题句，由主题句来反映文章的中心内容。其次，对每段的主题句展开写作，主题句可以由若干个分句来支撑。

例3：

Dear Tom，

Im really glad to write to you.

Is everything ok？ I returned to my motherland six months ago. I often think of the days we spent together. Besides， I also appreciate it that you did me a favor on my English learning. On no account can I make such great progress without your timely help. Thank you again. Do you know how Mr Smith is now？ I feel like getting in contact with him. However， in no case can I find the address of him. Should you have the address or e-mail of him？ Please tell me as quickly as you can. I cant wait to write to him. The traditional Spring Festival is around the corner. Would you like to come here to enjoy the biggest festival celebrated by us？ I bet that you will have an enjoyable travel that cant be forgotten. Best wishes.

这篇书面表达是一篇佳作， 语法结构和词汇应用准确， 句式灵活多样，如运用了倒装句：On no account can I make such great progress without your timely help;定语从句： I often think of the days we spent together;非谓语动词：enjoy the biggest festival celebrated by us。此外，文章也有效运用了连接成分，如 besides、on no account、in no case，这使全文结构紧凑，在一定程度上体现了考生扎实的语言功底。

从以上我们可以看出，掌握了大量的过渡词和表达句式后，要恰当运用到书面表达里，这能使文章连贯、流畅。运用丰富的词汇和得当的句子结构，可以给文章增色不少，从而使整篇文章因此而生辉，“神”不散的道理就在此。

Part 2：立“帅”、出“帅”和亮“帅”

古人云：“意犹帅也。”这里的“帅”就是指文章的中心。写人记事类的书面表达以记叙、描写为主，有较强的情节性和形象性，更要注意立“帅”、出“帅”和亮“帅”。这三点是阅卷老师评卷的重要依据。立“帅”，即书面表达的论证要符合要求，不能跑偏。出“帅”，这里的“出”是指向和突出的意思，立“帅”之后，考生在取材、构思、结构和手法上都要接受“帥”的指挥，用各种方法突出“帅”的内涵。最后看文章是否亮“帅”，这里的“亮”是指语言文字上的强调和深化。如果出“帅”是喻主题于情节和描写之中的话，那么亮“帅”就是通过议论和抒情直接亮出帅旗。

例4：

Nowadays some students would not like to live in a dorm. Instead， they rent houses outside the school. There are advantages for both. Living in a dorm can increase friendship and cooperation between classmates. And of course it is safer. Whats more， it can be useful for their study. Unsatisfied as I was with my study， actually so that I have tried my whole heart and soul.

A dorm is more like a society， which enables students to learn to adapt to each other， thus preparing for the social life later. As for renting houses to live alone， it is better for study as you can feel free in your own room without being interrupted by others. Every student should know that although you maybe failed the exam， but you can also be useful to the country. We must have a clear goal.Then we will have a great power to work and studying .As a result， you can have more time and devote yourself to studying whole-heartedly. But there may be some safety problems as you live outside the school.

Anyhow，as a student， I prefer living in a dorm.In a word， now our country is developing more and more faster and so we need more and more people who have good education.I believe it this is a good chance for me to show my ability.

这篇习作的论述紧紧围绕“学生住校和校外租房”各自的好处这一主题，论述没有跑偏，立“帅”很成功。在文章构思上，作者客观论述了住校和校外租房对学生的有利影响，最后以anyhow亮明自己的态度。文章符合学生年龄的特点，不老气横秋，出“帅”的过程也是表现学生情趣的过程。

在亮“帅”方面，作者运用了较丰富的词汇和表达结构，如instead、as for、adapt to和定语从句、非谓语结构等。但也有一些瑕疵：actually这个词通常用来更正错误的信息， 这里情况并非如此，因此应该用as a result;同一句中用了although就不需要用but了;between classmates使用错误，这是中文式表达;第二段第二句出现用词错误，应该把can改成may。

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