戴上耳机=别来烦我

鹿尤 黄湘淇

The New Do Not Disturb Sign

—Headphone Tactic1

1910年，当一个叫Nathaniel Baldwin的美国人发明耳机时，他万万没有想到，这种接听工具不仅成了人手一副的必备品，更成了我们不想被人打扰时最爱用的小道具。我们恨不得在耳机的左右印上“肃静”和“勿扰”的字样，才能让那些不明就里的人搞清楚这是种“礼貌”的屏蔽。我们一边躲在耳机营造的自我空间里，一边悄悄地窃听周遭的风吹草动，真是一边掩耳，一边盗铃。

When we wear headphones， it is a signal to everyone that were shut off， unavailable and， much like napping adults，2 absolutely not to be bothered. Our ear shields are barriers against barbaric city attacks like catcalls， construction or unwanted conversation from a co-worker who has， like， a super quick question “if you just have two seconds”.3

Were commuting， running errands and running departments under the polite assumption that no one knows our secret：4 the headphones are on， but nothings playing. Bye bye， “This American Life”. The podcasts and the music have died， and thisll be the day that we acknowledge the lie.5

Basheer Bergus， a 28-year-old associate director at a digital marketing firm in New York，6 said he “definitely” uses headphones at work without any sound coming through. Like most of us， he uses them as a privacy screen7. And if he sees someone whom he wants nothing to do with， he throws on his huge wireless Sennheiser cans—a sign that says “silence， please”.8

In a workplace where open floor plans9 are becoming increasingly standard， so is Berguss technique. Long gone are cubicle walls that， at the very least， required a polite knock on the padded Formica.10

Short of building a fort around our desks using empty shipping boxes and half-functioning umbrellas，11 headphones are the only “Do Not Disturb” signs we have left.

Hailey Hayman， a 24-year-old marketing manager at a Brooklyn company that makes sustainable party goods， said she feels “too exposed” when she doesnt wear headphones at the office.12

When she has them on， she feels as if shes “inside a more secluded13 space”， she said.

“I wear headphones so people dont bother me，” said Mary Sollosi， a 25-year-old freelance writer14 based in Los Angeles. And what happens when shes approached by individuals who havent yet got the memo about what headphones really mean？15 “I make a big show of taking out one earbud and asking them to repeat what they said，” she said.16

I hesitated to ask my own co-workers at the website Bustle about the silent armour.17 Rosanne Salvatore sits two feet across from me at work. Could she， a person I communicate with all day， be tuning me out18？ “There are times when I will go hours wearing headphones with no music playing，” she said. “I get a lot of satisfaction when I realise Im doing it， and no one realises Im doing it.”

Kara McGrath， another co-worker， said： “Im only listening to anything about 30 per cent of the total time.” Ouch19， guys.

But I do it， too.

Our collective quest for privacy sometimes reaches comedic levels： Pierce Crosby， 25， once witnessed a man talking into his headphones at a Midtown cafe， despite the disconnected wire dangling below the mans chair.20 “It was quite interesting，” he said， “and I took my time pretending to text while listening in on his conversation.”

If were all pretending to be listening to something and go about performing these small improvisational acts （a dramatic earbud removal here， a “Whats that？ Oh， I didnt hear you” there， complete with near-audible eye roll）， then what is actually going on？21

Our private pretence may actually have positive benefits. “While putting headphones in your ears is not an act of mindfulness itself， putting in headphones is setting the conditions for you to meditate without being disturbed，” said Lodro Rinzler， a co-founder of Mndfl， a meditation studio in New York City.22

For Steve Savage， a musician living in Brooklyn， wearing headphones with nothing playing is an eavesdropping mechanism23. “I think its fun to take advantage of peoples assumption that I cant hear them，” he said.

Amid all of us liars， ignorers and （who knows） maybe even mindful fakers，24 could there still be a person out there who uses headphones for their intended purpose？

Jeremy Smith， 36， a web developer25 living in Brooklyn， said he has never intentionally worn headphones without music or a podcast playing.

“Sounds like a good idea， though，” he said. “Maybe I will start.”

1. tactic： 戰略，策略。

2. signal： 信号；shut off： 使隔离，使孤立； unavailable： 不可得的，没空的；napping： 正在小睡的。

3. 我们的耳罩是我们的屏障，来隔绝那些肆意入侵的城市噪音，如怪叫、工地噪音，或者来自某个不想搭理的同事的对话，比如有人会问些超短的问题“如果你能有两秒空闲的话”。shield： 保护物，护罩；barrier： 屏障；barbaric： 肆无忌惮的；catcall： 嘘声，怪叫。

4. commute： 通勤，上下班；run errands： 跑腿，办事；assumption： 假设 。

5. podcast： 播客；acknowledge： 承认。

6. associate director： 副总监；digital marketing： 数字化营销。

7. screen： 掩护。

8. throw on： 匆匆带上；Sennheiser： 森海赛尔，是世界公认领先的耳机制造商之一；cans：〈美俚〉耳机。

9. open floor plan： 开放式隔间设计。

10. cubicle： 小隔间；padded： 装有填垫材料的；Formica： 福米加家具塑料贴面（商标名称）。

11. short of： 除……以外；fort： 堡垒；shipping box： 装运箱；half-functioning： 勉强能用的。

12. Brooklyn： 布鲁克林，美国纽约西南部的一个区；sustainable： 可持续的；exposed： 暴露的，这里指没有个人隐私的。

13. secluded： 隐蔽的。

14. freelance writer： 自由撰稿人。

15. approach： 接近，这里指被打扰； memo： 备忘录，这里指戴耳机的真正含义。

16. make a big show： 演一出好戏； earbud： 耳塞。

17. hesitate： 犹豫；armour： 盔甲，这里指耳机。

18. tune sb. out： 不理会某人。

19. ouch： 表示烦恼或疼痛时发出的语气词，相当于“哎（哟）”。

20. 我们对隐私的共同追求有时达到了搞笑的地步：皮尔斯·克罗斯比，现年25岁，有次看到有人在一家市中心的咖啡厅里对着耳机说话，尽管耳机线都没插上，还挂在了那人的椅子下面。collective quest： 共同追求；comedic： 喜剧的；Midtown： 市中心区的；disconnected： 未连上的；wire： 耳机线；dangle： 摇晃地悬挂着。

21. 如果我们都假装听着什么东西，忙着去演些即兴的小戏码（不是戏剧性地拿掉耳塞，就是说“啥？我刚没听到你说话”，还补上个差点翻出声的白眼），那么这到底是什么情况呢？go about doing sth.： 忙着干某事，着手干某事；improvisational： 即兴的； dramatic： 戏剧性的；removal： 移去；near-audible： 几乎听得见的；eye roll： 翻白眼。

22.“虽然在耳朵里塞耳机本身不是一种专注之举，但戴上耳机给你创造了条件，得以不被打扰地去冥想。”罗卓·林兹勒说道，他是位于纽约的一家冥想工作室Mndfl的共同创办人。mindfulness： 专注力，正念；meditate： 冥想；co-founder： 共同创立者；studio： 工作室。

23. eavesdropp： 偷听；mechanism： 途径，技巧。

24. amid： 在其中，在其间；ignorer： 忽视者；mindful： 有意识的，留意的；faker： 伪装者。

25. web developer： 网页开发者。