如何让朴素的句子“亮”起来

罗海燕 罗厚健

好句子会让评卷老师眼前一亮，所以很多中等的学生一直在追求如何让自己的句子变得高、大、上，以求突破写作瓶颈。然而，很多学生遇到此类问题时却苦无良策，捉襟见肘。笔者在这里以2016年高考全国卷？玉卷英语书面表达为例，教你如何让朴素的句子“亮”起来。

2016年高考全国卷英语书面表达：

假定你是李华，暑假想去一家外贸公司兼职，已写好申请书和个人简历（resume）。给外教Ms Jenkins写信，请她帮你修改所附材料的文字和格式（format）。

1. 词数100左右；

2. 可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。

一、巧用形容词

普通句子

Im looking forward to your feedback.

I think I can stand out among the applicants.

Could you please help me to correct the mistakes in my resume？

优秀句子

Im looking forward to your timely feedback.

Diligent and persevering， I think I can stand out among the applicants.

Could you please help me to correct the unavoidable mistakes in my resume？

牛刀小试

（1）I would like to convey my gratitude for your selfless devotion.

（2） ， and ， I think I can be qualified for this job.

（3）I am a ， and boy， which makes me adapt to the new job quickly.

参考答案：（1）heartfelt （2）Kind， helpful， cooperative （3）friendly， easy-going， hardworking

二、巧用副词

普通句子

I will be thankful.

Your attention to this letter will be appreciated.

Therefore， I can put what I had learned into practice.

优秀句子

I will be greatly thankful.

Your attention to this letter will be highly appreciated.

Therefore， I can flexibly put what I had learned into practice.

牛刀小试

（4）Your timely feedback to my request will be appreciated.

（5）I am convinced that you are able to complete this work .

（6）But concerning the heated competition， I am worried about it.

参考答案：（4）highly（5）fully， perfectly（6）desperately

三、巧用介词短语

普通句子

I believe I could get the job successfully.

Ill be more than confident to apply for the job.

优秀句子

I believe with your generous help， I could get the job successfully.

With your great help， Ill be more than confident to apply for the job.

牛刀小试

（7）I believe that ，

I would do an excellent job.

（8） ， I would equip myself with confidence and spare no efforts to do it well.

（9）I believe that I would have more chances to work for that company .

参考答案：（7）with your constructive direction （8）With your timely help （9）with the help of you

四、巧用连接词

普通句子

I can flexibly put what I had learned into practice.

It would be much a great privilege if you could offer me a hand. Anything you could do for me is highly appreciated.

优秀句子

Therefore， I can flexibly put what I had learned into practice.

It would be much a great privilege if you could offer me a hand. And anything you could do for me is highly appreciated.

牛刀小试

（10） ， the attached documents and the format do not seem satisfactory to me.

（11）I have already written my application and personal resume， I dont know if I wrote it perfectly.

（12） you are quite familiar with these， I hope you can help me perfect them.

参考答案：（10）However （11）but （12）Since

五、巧用非谓语动词

普通句子

I am desperately worried about it.

I would be most grateful if you give me timely direction and help and anticipate your reply at your earliest convenience.

优秀句子

But concerning the heated competition， I am desperately worried about it.

I would be most grateful if you give me timely direction and help， anticipating your reply at your earliest convenience.

牛刀小试

（13） （take）a part-time job will enable me to gain valuable life experience and work skills， which I think lays a solid foundation for my further study.

（14）Only by （show）an excellent application， can I give the boss a great impression.

（15）I have the intention of （take）a part-time job in a foreign company in summer vacation.

参考答案：（13）Taking （14）showing （15）taking

六、巧用复合句

普通句子

Id appreciate it.

Im well qualified for the job.

I have scheduled to do a part-time job in a foreign company.

优秀句子

Id appreciate it if you take my request into deep consideration.

And Im firmly convinced that Im well qualified for the job.

As the summer holiday is approaching， I have scheduled to do a part-time job in a foreign company so as to practice my working and social skills.

牛刀小试

（16）Im terribly sorry for the inconvenience

（限制性定语从句）.

（17）I am a friendly， easy-going and hardworking boy，

（非限制性定语从句）.

（18） （宾语从句）you can help me find out some improper words and correct the format of my resume.

（19）Nothing can delight me so much as being a member of this company， （结果状语从句）.

（20）I would really appreciate it

（条件状语从句）.

参考答案 （16）that it may cause you （17）which makes me adapt to the new job quickly （18）I sincerely hope that （19）so I will appreciate it if you could kindly give me a hand （20）if you could kindly do me this favor.

满分作文赏析

Dear Ms. Jenkins，

I am Li Hua. I am writing to ask if you could help polish my documents and the format， which are attached to my application form and resume. And here is the further information.

With the aim of gaining some working experience and broadening my horizons， I would like to take a part-time job in a foreign country， and thus have already finished my application form and resume. However， the attached documents and their format do not seem satisfactory to me. Since you are quite familiar with these， I hope you can help me perfect them.

It would be much a great privilege if you could offer me a hand. And anything you could do for me is highly appreciated.

I am looking forward to your reply.

Sincerely yours，

Li Hua

责任编辑 蒋小青